B-I-L

There are now 3 persons I know who are battling cancer. One is my dearest brother-in-law, Benno who was just diagnosed with gullet cancer (he had his stomach removed last year). After several weeks of radiotheraphy and chemo, he was hospitalised with high fever. Eating food is with much difficulty, everything has to go down the gullet which is being radiated. Mostly, his nutrition is in the form of liquids or pureed food. Even swallowing liquid can be painful. He takes one hour to consume his meal - a 200ml liquid and has to take 6 small meals a day. Most of his waking hours are now spent on food consumption. Eating has become a chore, not so pleasant and delightful anymore. We, on the other hand, take for granted our ability to eat. As we say our grace, we truly must thank GOD - when we can chew and swallow, we can taste the sweetness and sourness.

I woke up too early this morning and my mind went to these 3 - how should I pray for them - the other two friends are on 24-hour pain medication, their physical bodies are not functioning and in constant pain. One not on treatment (too many already and no more for now) but has to bear with pain and the other has to start treatment soon. I tried to recall how I felt in my early years with MM and what kind of words would comfort me. Those times when I could only lie in bed and in the quiet of the dark night, what went through my mind? Are they now lying in bed, awake and not able to sleep, are they in pain, those pain that would not go away even when medicated? In times like these we can only call on the grace of our LORD. I truly believe in "little miracles" - when sleep just wouldn't come, when pain refuse to go away, when breathing becomes arduous - we call on the name of Jesus to rescue us and yes, the miracle can happen.

What did I need at those times? What will my friends and B need? I needed the LORD to strengthen my heart (Psalm73:26). My heart is the seat of my emotions - feelings of fear, sadness, insecurity, anxiety, despondency, frustration. There were many such moments. But when the LORD strenghtens my heart, I truly experience peace and even joy, and as I shared several times before, a state of blessedness. This is what I must pray for my friends and B, that they may experience these "little miracles" when the LORD gives them peaceful sleep; when He gives them moments free of pain and when they wake up rejoicing with praise on their lips. My words would be so inadequate to comfort them. But there is power in the miraculous strengthening from our compassionate GOD - "my flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"

My brother-in-law is such a kind and happy-at-heart sort of person and he can talk for hours on many topics. He loves to garden and very good with his hand - he constructed the shower compartment in his bathroom, dug his own pond, renewed his garden with a Japanese-theme. I remember our holidays years ago when (little) Gerald and Russell would tumbled over him on the grassy slopes and Melissa would ride with him on his bike. He had so much to talk to them and taught them how to appreciate the smell of manure in the farm (to love nature and recognise its beauty). I thank GOD for these memories and hope the LORD would grant us some more years together - I would like Thaddaeus to get to know his granduncle.

inner beauty

How many times have I read this passage from 1 Peter 3:1-7?
Many, and each time, the teaching refreshes and rejuvenates me in my role as a wife. This passage about woman's beauty as taught in the Bible receives different and varied responses and reactions, even among Christians. The part that "trips" many, is on the aspect of submission.

The passage teaches - submission, purity, reverential posture, qentle and quiet nature. My view on this seemingly difficult attribute is that as wives, our submission to our husbands does not equate us to be "door-mats" to be walked over but rather it is a sincere and respectful honouring of our husbands as the head of our households. And such a reverential posture will promote harmony and peace in marital relationship, where there will be less strifes and quarrels, conflicts and arguments. It does not mean the wife's views are not heard, regarded and respected. The husbands are to be considerate towards their wives' feelings, views, insights etc. The wife's submission becomes a natural response to the husband's obedience to the Bible's teaching of loving her in the same way as he loves himself and treating her with much consideration and respect. This kind of true submission wells up sincerely and naturally when it is nurtured with genuine and selfless love. Strictly, the Bible teaches that this attitude of submission is required of wives regardless whether it is deserved or not by husbands who may or may not be as loving and considerate.

This time, the phrase that "jumps out" when I read this passage is from verse 7 - it is beautiful!
"heirs with you of the gracious gift of life" (NIV)
"Heirs" means equal status, share in the same inheritance, deserves and is entitled to. Therefore there is no truth to infer that the Bible treats women as inferior to men when it teaches submission. The teaching must be read in whole.
Actually (NIV) has described it very beautifully -husbands and wives are joint heirs in living out this life together under the supreme and bountiful grace of our LORD GOD. The gift of life itself is by GOD's grace and to be able to live it out in an imperfect, fallen world full of impediments, we truly need the grace of GOD.

Wives, we are heirs with our husbands in the gracious gift of life. Life itself is an inheritance, let's live with great joy and gratitude.

The passage can be found from this link -
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Peter%203:1-7&version=31

Even as I reflect on the above, I think of women whom I observed to have such desirable attributes and I am glad that there are many whom I personally know. What really appeals to me is their "qentle and quiet" nature. I praise GOD that they are role models for me to emulate.
(an elderly missionary wife - who walks her talk in every way; the mother-in-law of my cousin whose reverential posture is seen even in her dressing; my dear friend - young but yet so wise, another dear friend who brought me lots of organic fruits and yet another who is Mrs. Hospitality and many others). May the LORD bless them all.

"Be always listen to your body..."

"Be always listen to your body..." this is what my dear sister tells me after reading about my cycling 8km. She is almost a true blue Dutch, having lived there for over 25 years and her English is a literal translation from Dutch! Yes, I must listen to my body and not over exert. All my friends out there, don't worry...lah. Paul is very watchful; M and W (cycling buddies) are very alert to my physical condition and well-being. It is incredible - GOD has surrounded me with many caring and loving family and friends.

Thinking about her, I am reminded of what I just learnt at the last bible study on Abigail, my sister is very like A, resourceful and full of initiative. I really have to share the main pointers about Abigail. This is one way to crystallise and retain my learning - that is to recount and repeat what I learn. With this blog I don't have to repeat it ten times to ten friends, write it one time and the reach is to many, what a wonderful way to share!

Abigail:
*she is sincere and humble and willing to take the blame in order to placate D's anger
*she recognised that GOD is sovereign
*she is smart and eloquent and unafraid to act
*she is courageous, diplomatic and persuasive
*she is a peacemaker
*she is sensible and calm in the midst of a crisis
*she used her knowledge of GOD with godly wisdom
*she is able to turn something adverse into something favourable
*she majored in the majors and ignored the minors
*her good sense earned her the right to be heard
[one BS lady shared about what she learnt from her pastor's Sunday message of "hindsight, insight and foresight' and the lesson of Abigail seems to show her to be someone with such qualities]

The main take-aways are:
*have the ability to remain effective and fruitful and make good out of the worst of life's situation
*use wisely and sensibly in a God-honoring way, what we already have to maximum advantage to bless ourselves and to bless others
*there is always limitations and hindrances to us living as well as we should, as life is so imperfect, do we gripe and complain or do we press on with courage and good sense
[thanks and credits to our BS teacher HLC]

The passage on Abigail and Nabal is found in 1 Samuel 25:1-42
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1Samuel25:1-42&version=31

Well and Good

I have been well and going about my days as normal as I can, by GOD's marvellous grace. Since the last visit to the doctor, he has given me another month free from medication and treatment. It has done me good, without medication I feel better and stronger. I haven't been checking on the M-band, and I try not to think about where it is right now. There are many MM patients who are living "normally" with M bands. Best to just live each day fully, joyfully and gratefully. Do what is within one's ability. If the doctor is not worried neither should I. The next review is first week of August.

In the meantime I have been cycling and gone for clinical Pilates - all to stretch and strengthen my muscles. The physiotherapist is loosening up my tight joints and muscles; and teaching me exercises that will straighten my back.

I have resumed weekly bible study which has been a tremendous encouragement to me. I had to skipped one week due to a "bad" tummy but the BS teacher has been very kind and gracious despite my intermittent attendance.

Look at our cycling group with our bikes hanging on the post while we stopped to have a simple breakfast together. It is really wonderful to spur one another to regular exercises. Without mutual encouragement it is very easy to slack. I probably would cycle a lesser distance and likely to stop more often if there aren't others to work out with me. Now I can do about 8km return.

To GOD be the glory, great things He has done in each of our lives.

A Heart of Thanksgiving

I just finished listening and watching the testimony of Christopher Yuen. A couple of points he made that truly echoes how I feel and I want to reiterate them here and elaborate on my reflections.

foster a heart of thanksgiving - whether we are on the highest mountaintop or the the deepest of dark valley, we need to foster a heart of thanksgiving, for we have a good and loving GOD.

our days are numbered - whether you have good health or suffering a terminal illness, for every single one of us, our days are numbered, just that for a person with ill health, one is more conscious that life's end is near. (Chris Y is HIV positive) For a healthy person that consciousness is not so great and the disadvantage is that one may not live life to its full (purposefully and abundantly).

tomorrow has never been promised to anyone - GOD does not owe us anything (yet He so generously gives us many things).

(HIV) has given (CY) a lesson on GOD's sovereignity - we either be submerged in sorrow and sadness or rise up to discover and appreciate (and be privileged) to personally experience and understand GOD's sovereignity. We should just bow down in deep gratitude as we receive His bountiful grace and dwell in this glorious sense of blessedness. (for this special personal touch from the LORD)

(you can view Chris Y's testimony here http://christopheryuanvideo.blogspot.com/ )

majestic Malacca

Yes, Paul and I just spent a couple of days in Malacca. It is so unsafe to go into any airport nowadays and best to stay away from air travellers for the time being. So a driving holiday is just right for us. Peninsular Malaysia is beautiful. North South Highway is very easy to drive...don't rush ...just drive leisurely and enjoy the green scenery.

We drove up to Malacca on Sunday afternoon, it was a pleasant 3 hours drive from the Tuas. We had our friends SL and LM who drove up with us; and M and W joined the next day. The weather was wonderfully overcast and even with a little drizzle at later part of the afternoon. At Pagoh rest stop, we had a delightful interlude with our favourite fruit...yes...durian. I am so glad that SL decided to try out Ah Oon's "101". We shared just 2 but excellent spikes. We balanced it off with some mangosteen.

With LM as our navigator we arrived at Majestic Hotel within half hour from the Ayer Keroh toll exit. After 45 minutes rest and freshening up, we took a slow walk into the heritage townside of Malacca, along the 5 foot way and some parts on the narrow street itself - Jalan Bunga Raya, across the old bridge to Jalan Hang Jebat to Hereen Street (now known as Jln Tun Tan Cheng Lock). It took us more than 15 minutes to locate Nancy, a Peranakan restaurant, highly recommended for its home cooked food. Of course we had ayam buah keluak, babi pong teh, itek tim, ladies finger, long-forgotten dish of nangka lemak and chengdol for dessert. Paul and I went back earlier for the night whilst SL and LM stayed on to wander around the pasar malam at Jonker Street.

The next day, M and W came at around lunch time. We had already spent an hour at the Admiral Cheng Ho's museum, really worth the time despite the rather unimpressive entrance (a must-see). We had lunch at the most famous, nameless chicken rice ball stall of Malacca (corner of Hang Jebat and Jonker, opposite old OCBC). In the afternoon, we headed for the now infamous Baba Nonya museum of the serial Little Nonya. It is the home of the Chan family (3 houses interconnected) - very well preserved with exquisite Peranakan furnishing. Another must-see of Malacca town. We went back for an hour rest before it was meal time again. For dinner we went in search of Auntie Lee (another highly recommended Peranakan restaurant. This place is quite some drive to the edge of town - Ujong Pasir. Though M's GPS could not locate the place, we eventually got there...BUT...our phone booking was not accepted...huh...why...because...you must place your order for food by phone otherwise they would not consider it a confirmed table reservation. However with much persuasion (W was superb) we managed to secure a table but must finish eating within the hour (later, the pressure was off as other diners finished earlier and their tables were freed up for confirmed patrons). And yes, the food was very good. there are only 6 tables in this small restaurant. Even after a full dinner, our insatiable tummies could resist not tucking into some yu char kueh and hum cheen peng at a coffe shop next to the hotel.

I did not know that in Malacca one can find true authentic Teochew cuisine. This little shophouse is to be found at the corner of Jalan Hang Kasturi and Tukang Besi. The elderly Teochew chef proudly led us to select from his counter of fresh vegetable and seafood. Soon he brought out noodle in dark sauce (W called it "as dark as engine oil"), steamed pomfret (sitting in its own sweetness), braised sea cucumber (solely good on its own), slabs of the soft-ess bitter gourd on stewed lean pork and finally the smoothest orh nee with generous helpings of pumpkin and gingko. At this restaurant, the elderly Teochew gentleman would refuse to let you over-order and would beam with pride when every morsel of food is eaten.

What an unforgettable experience of cultural heritage from this little town with so much history and to taste such "bona fide" food!

Nancy's Kitchen at 7, Jalan Hang Lekir. Tel 06-2836099
Teo Soon Loong Chan Teochew Seafood Restaurant at 55, Jln Hang Kasturi. Tel 06-2822353

Aunty Lee at 385, Jln Ujong Pasir. Tel 06-2831009

PS. The above information for GSK and any friend planning to make a trip to Malacca

1 more month

Just saw the doctor yesterday and he has given me 1 more month to rest - reason being that the WBC is still low and it has to get back to normal range or higher before I can start with cycle 2 of Vidaza. He is obviously confident that I do not need to "rush" through the treatment and I can wait for another month. (We need to pray for the WBC to go up, it is at 2.44, normal is 4).

For me this is good news since I feel alot better without medication/treatment, my body gets stronger and I do not feel so tired and I can do more in a day, and my mind is more active.

I have been enjoying cycling at the East Coast Park and hope to try other routes. I am very conscious that I cannot afford to fall and am really careful to do it safely (don't worry, Paul is really very vigilant and without his permission, I won't do it). Cycling in the early morning - it's wonderful to feel the cool breeze in my face and take in the sights - the greenery of the trees and the shrubs, the beautiful multicoloured bougainvella, the shimmering blue sea etc. We are so blessed to be able to enjoy and experience GOD's creation.

I am learning all the time - that GOD shows His grace to each of us in different ways and according to our needs. I may not have the blessing of "perfect" health but GOD grants sufficient grace to me, enough for me to be thankful and experience a feeling of blessedness.
Remember to bless one another in this way - as Apostle Paul do all time as he ends each of his letters. "The grace of the LORD Jesus Christ be with your spirit." It is truly wonderful to experience GOD's grace! Amen

Thankfully, well

It has been 5 weeks since I started on the new treatment with Vidaza. Thankfully, I am well. Let me update you on my status, you must be anxious to know, especially friends who are not here. For 3 Sundays, I stayed home, as the tiredness did come on around weeks 2 and 3.
By the end of week 5, I felt a whole lot better and the muscle aches at back and front of ribs has eased off and I think, this is because I am off Revlimid (daily oral med.) which I took for 3 weeks. The blood test done showed some improvement and we are still waiting for some to go back up to normal. I have 1 more week to rest and recover and then do another blood on 2 June to assess when to start cycle 2.

This treatment with Vidaza may seem rather long drawn and stretches over many weeks and months, so it will not be a quick fix and be done with fast. But Dr. Teoh promised to give me a balance of "good" weeks to rest in between the treatments . Week 5 was good and the start of week 6 has been better. I already feel quite energetic - I have gone back to walk in the parks and last 2 days, I even went cycling !!! (with 2 very dear friends - my friends really come around when I need them) Yeah!! I am looking foward to picking up my tennis racket!!! Is it possible? Yes!!! I am sure you are very happy for me.


When I can get back to do such normal activities in the "good" weeks, it isn't that bad when I have to slow down during weeks after the Vidaza jabs. There is something to look forward to. I am deeply thankful to our LORD for strengthening me. GOD answers our prayers.

Continue to pray that the Vidaza will help the bone marrow to produce normal cells and reduce the dysplasia (MDS) and the myeloma (M-band) stay low so that I would not have to go on Revlimid or Velcade or Dex during this time (multiple medications at the same time is rather hard for the body to take). Pray for protection against infection because I am still immune compromised.

Paul writes: I am simply delighted these two weeks as Li Leng really feels better and was more active throughout the day. When she is well, she prods me on church ministry matters and we get some work done after some discussion. Thanks so much for upholding us in your prayers. We are indeed grateful.

Hooray !

Yeah... I have completed the 1st cycle...all 7 days. Monday was the last day for me. It was an extra long day with most time taken up by the infusion of immunoglobulin. Dr. T took extra precaution this time and I was in the day ward till 3pm. I was drowsy because of the med and continued to be sleepy even when I got home. But by the next day I was back to normal.
Last week, the daily jabs took no more than half an hour at the clinic and I was home by early morning. I must admit that it was not entirely "painless". The injection sites do turn red - size of 20ct/50ct coin and they feel sensitive... so my tummy is covered with red polka dots..boo hoo... it will take some days to clear. But I am really very thankful that I took all the jabs well without much distress because nurse Sarah told me of another older patient who is very lean and it was very hard for her to lift up the skin and fat to inject and she bruised easily. This patient is weak and doesn't have a good appetite. For me, I am feeling strong and I have a fantastic appetite and hungry most time and I eat very well. So. I have alot to be thankful for.
Yes, we praise the LORD for sustaining me every day and protecting me in ways I don't even know (Paul always tell me this)

The next two weeks I will be "resting" as the blood count is expected to drop (before it goes back up again). I will be homebound. Anyway with the swine flu situation, it is best not to be out in the crowd even if you are healthy....
I have enough yarn to keep me occupied and I am most happy knitting....
Keep cheerful!

Vidaza 1st cycle 1st day

I really ought to let you know that the 1st day of the 1st cycle went OK. It wasn't as horrible as I thought. Nurse Sarah prepared me for the 4 jabs on my "fat" tummy. It wasn't painful at all! I guess it must be the "fat", if I had been lean, it may be painful. Ha, ha, for once I am so, so thankful for my fat tummy. Actually it is very much like what diabetics have to do everyday when they give themselves insulin jabs. So, what is there to complain, if a diabetic has to bear with jabs daily, this is no big deal, lah.
Do not be unduly worried for me.... I can take it...
Of course, I know the BIG question is how I will respond to the drug injected into me...for that we will trust the LORD...
After the 1st day, it is too early to tell but I will persevere on; with your prayers, I will be able to bear with all things.
If I don't come on the blog....don't worry...I am alright. I will post whenever there is something to update. Keep cheerful.
[I will be busy knitting]

MDS - what is this?

A string of acronyms - MRI, BMA, MM and now MDS.

Myelodyplastic syndrome simply means the blood and plasma cells in the bone marrow are not normal. The BMA (bone marrow aspirate) has confirmed MDS. Since last year Dr.T was insistent that MDS was present from his microscopic investigation but the SGH (Singapore General H) did not. But this time round the SGH laboratory FISH probe confirms it.
So, I have both MM and MDS.

What is the state of MM (multiple myeloma)? After the recent round of 5months targetted treatment - I am at VGPR - Very Good Partial Response with M band at 5. How confident we are that it stays around this level, we don't know. Despite the full regiment and Mband has been fluctuating, most time creeping upwards. Dr. T believes that the underlying problem could be MDS. MDS could be standing in the way of treatment for MM. He wants me to start treatment for MDS. Untreated MDS may evolve into leukaemia (AML) in 5 to 7 years time. And he is hopeful that if MDS is controlled, it may help with the on-going management of MM. With the treatment he proposes, there is a 75% positive response. My blood count status at present is actually quite good and therefore I should be able to cope with the treatment.

The treatment with Vidaza will start on Monday 20 April - daily injections for 7 days and rest for 2 to 3 weeks. Full treatment may mean 6 to 8 cycles. OK, now the horror factor - there will be 4 injections each time, into the tummy subcutaneous fat, consecutively for 7 days. Arrrrgh!!!! Total 28 jabs!!! Arrrgh!!! Granted, I have a thick layer of tummy fat (thank GOD for my fat tummy)...but just imagine the number of pricks!!!!

The 1 to 2 weeks after the jabs, if I respond, it means that my blood count will drop and that is the time when I am prone to infection therefore I have to avoid crowd and be homebound. If I respond positively, the count should improve before I can go on to the next cycle of injections. This means that with this treatment my social activities have to be reduced. (Paul will be so watchful over every cough and sniffle around me... I will just have to stay away for awhile... still can go out to open parks etc...lah...I will not be in isolation...can meet one or two friends... )

I have a fews days to get out and do what I like - heh, heh. I am going to buy another batch of yarn to knit (be staying home more) and I am going for a crab fix...mmm. Black pepper crab...chilly crab....butter crab....mmm

Tired and weary..of course.. physically and mentally I am weary. It has been 2 years now..in and out of hospital visits etc etc. Isaiah 40:30,31 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
I am no youth, so I legitimately can be tired. But this Scripture verse tells me that if I hope in the LORD, I can renew my strength, I can soar on wings like the eagles, I can "run" and still not be weary...yes, I can go on with the strength from the LORD. I can. I can.

My friends, pray for me to continue my hope in the LORD and to lean on the LORD for strength. "in quietness and trust is my strength"

no favoritism

No favoritism! This proud grandpa is handling baby Thaddaeus very well plus our grandpup too. You can see that Snookie is not happy to be left out from all the excitement around the baby. From the first day Thaddaeus was brought home, Snook was very excited with this new "creature" and kept trying to get a closer look. By now, after weeks, he is more settled, he knows he has not been neglected.

BMA - bone marrow aspirate

Yesterday I had the BMA done. Let me tell you how it went.
Paul and I arrived at Gleneagles Hospital at 8.50am and we went straight to 7th floor, Day ward. nurse Sarah from Dr. T's clinic was already there waiting for us. We registered at admission and by 9am I was in the blue hospital gown. The Ward sister and 2 nurses recognised me (I was a regular in 2007!) and they were happy to see that I look well!
A doctor came in to insert the cannula and drew blood for MM tests. He was good, got everything done in one go. Of course I looked the other way, out the window at the bright morning sky. Paul too had enough of frequently seeing me having cannula inserted and blood taking, he stood at a corner. I am sure his heart ached many times when insertion into veins were not successful. But really these are minor inconveniences.
Dr. T turned up with Sarah and other nurse. He checked on which hip to do and was all ready with the equipment. Obviously I don't care to look at the size of the needle. He said this time he will do a local anaesthesia at the site. I could feel the needle going in and then it moved further deeper and deeper. Oh...I could feel all that. Cannot imagine what it would be like if one is awake and alert when the larger needle for bone marrow is inserted. Once done with the local anaesthesia, he instructed Sarah to sedate me intravenously. Ah...that when I floated into deep sleep! Soon I woke and the whole procedure was completed. I could see the clock on the wall and it looked like everything was done in 15 minutes! I was quite cheerful as I did not feel anything and thanked the doctor and nurse. I think I was at bit hype up... could be the effect of the drug used. Ha ha... I rested and actually dozed off when Paul went off to settle the bill and got some yong tau foo from the hospital food court. I managed to eat and drink almost all...good appetite..it was already noon. We came without breakfast, as I had to fast from the night before. Paul only had coffee and 2 slices of egg sandwich, most time, he is always looking after my needs and not care much for himself. We left the hospital at 12.30pm and was home in time for a meal of plain porridge. Plain porridge can equate to blissful contentment for me.....

I am thankful that the procedure for BMA went well. This morning I am still resting in bed, feel a bit tired but not worse off.

MRI result

Praise the LORD, the MRI result is good. There is no new intensity. The spinal column has not changed much from the MRI done end of 2007. Two intensities at the neck and spinal regions were treated with radiotherapy in 2007 and these are still visible but have not increased in dimension. Therefore no further treatment will be required this time round. I am so happy for this. As I still have muscular aches at my back and rib cage, we intend to have an orthopaedic surgeon look at the MRI and see if any recommendation can be made to reduce the aches and inflammation - which could be caused by the drugs or could be mechanical due to the multiple compressions and degeneration seen at the spinal column. These aches make me feel easily tired and exhausted, hopefully if something can be done to control it (that is without consuming more pain medication) my sense of well-being can be improved.
This is my rest week, no Revlimid, no Velcade, except one dose of Dexa - I do feel somewhat better, less dense in the head and hearing, dryness in the eyes and mouth are mediated with eyedrops and lots of drinking water. Definitely I am very thankful to the LORD and all your prayers as the side effects this time round are very minimal.
This coming Monday, I shall have a bone marrow aspiration. Again we commit the entire procedure to our LORD as He guides the hands of Dr T.
Our trust is in the LORD, Maker of Heaven and Earth. Amen.

6th cycle and mixed

Yesterday was the last infusion of the 6th cycle. In total, it was 18 weeks long of treatment. How was my response? I think it has been rather mixed. Out of the 6 cycles, 2 were not very encouraging. The latest reading was "dismal" despite being on intensive targetted therapy, no significant change from the result of cycle 4. Dr. Gerrard Teoh has now requested for a MRI to be done on Monday, 30th March at 8.30am (pray that I will stay calm in the capsule, I will bring along Deborah Mae's CD). The MRI is to see if there are any intensive spot i.e. bone lesion, and if there are, radiotherapy may be the answer. I am not keen on going for another series of radiotherapy, as it may increase risk to leukemia. Well, the doctor should know what is best as we move forward. We will place our trust in the LORD over the overcome of the MRI.

Paul and I are reminded and reassured from ODB reading of the day that the LORD is our Ebenezer, "Thus far the LORD has been our help" 1 Samuel 7:12 It is very comforting to see the word of GOD speaking very deeply into our hearts, to strengthen our faith. We must remain hopeful and persevere. We look to the LORD for healing and restoration.

dogs in N'hood

This is really hilarious. In our neighbourhood, we know each other by our dogs. Not really that well, simply just hello, smile, how are you... maybe over time it can be better. For a start we do have friendly neighbours. But we don't know each other's name! We know the names of the dogs! Ha, Ha.
There are the 2 brown Cavalier King Charles (same breed as Snookie) named Kato and Tiger. First they had Kato (sidekick of Green Hornet - Bruce Lee, only people of our generation will know about Green Hornet!) and then some time later Tiger came along (we had thought he be named Bruce or something...) The next time we see the owner of Kato and Tiger, we are going to introduce ourselves by name and get to know our neighbour by name. Of course Paul has another way of identifying our neighbours.... that one is driving a Volvo and licence plate xxxx lives at that corner of the neighbourhood.
Not too far away, we have Chikita and Zorro. This lady owner, silver haired and small built but driving a British green, aged Triumph... I think. She will be going around with more than just 2 plastic poo bags, she picks up poos of other dogs too, whose owners are not very responsible. Once Russell was walking home in the evening after work and in his long pants and long sleeve shirt was stopped by this lady. She had picked one poo too many and had needed to off-load her complaint to someone, just anyone who walked by. Russell, very politely assented and agreed to her outpouring of the duties of dog-owners! Ha, Ha when we heard this, we said that Russ is really the wrong chap to stop...he does not walk dogs...and he is averse to dog poo...! ...but at least he listened attentively with a smile...
And we have Mr. Wang, he used to walk his dog with a big stick in one hand and that is just as protection from the big dogs. We used to have a couple - big sized ang mohs with a pair of big sized Rottweillers. We heard that a couple of times, a small dog and its minder were attacked. We are also more cautious with Snookie whenever a larger breed comes around. Well not all large breed are fierce, we like the friendly Labs and Golden Retreivers.
Lately we spotted a hypo-allergenic specie - a LabroDoodle....are the Obamas getting one of these?
That is our nice little neighbourhood - Paul and I walk in the evening, mostly after dinner.

The Bible has something to say about pets and non-pets:
Proverbs 12:10 A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.
[consider this verse : there is a lot kindness and goodness around but the reality is that there is also alot of evil and wickedness and sometimes when we are confronted with it we cannot accept it. The Bible tells us that even the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel. This the world we live in.]

baby Thaddaeus 15.3 - 4.11

What joy, the LORD has blessed us with baby Thaddaeus. Baby T was borne on Sunday 15 March at 4.11pm. Melissa went to the hospital on Saturday just beforew midnight. Gerald and Adele had cooked us a sumptious dinner and before we settled into bed, Melissa was experiencing some cramps. Through the night she had some contractions, the doctor saw her in the morning and put her on epidural after 10am. After that, she was more relaxed and that helped with the dilation of the cervix. By 4pm she was fully dilated, though the doctor had predicted delivery to be around 8pm. And 11 minutes after 4, baby T was borne! Wow , quite a speedy labour - this is really GOD's grace. Both mother and child are well.

Look at Paul, he seems to be handling baby T quite confidently. I can't remember when was the last time he carried a baby. I know he will make a fantastic grandpop (he is already a fantastic grandpop to our grandpup - Snookie). We really don't feel so "old" eventhough we have been promoted to "grand". Our hearts are so filled joy for this abundant blessing from the LORD to Melissa and Andy.

Little Cheers

This week is my rest week and I am nursing an irritating cough that comes and goes. When I was on antibiotic, it went away after 2 days and after completing the course, it came back again a couple of days later, not in a serious way, as with fever and such but rather as a tickle in my throat and a mild sore throat. So I have been avoiding cold drinks, fried food, citrus fruits etc.

Today my 3 friends had arranged to meet for lunch and I couldn't say yes or no until this morning. Why? Because when I went to bed last night the cough acted up. Paul was in church for a meeting and I was trying to sleep early and be better for today. But the irritation in my throat was bugging me. I got up for some hot water to ease the discomfort and sucked on a lozenge AND as I laid down again, I called on to the LORD for help. LORD, please grant me rest for the night, You know how Paul would remain wakeful each time I get into a coughing "frenzy". Yes, please give Paul a good night rest too (we have had several wakeful nights in the last 4 weeks). I cast my anxiety on the LORD 1 Peter5:7 "Cast all your anxieties on the LORD for He cares for you". I know I did not want to be on another course of antibiotic (it weakens me quite alot).
Really, after that little prayer, I remained so still and avoided any movement that may trigger the cough. Yes, the hot water and lozenge helped and by the LORD's grace I drifted into a restful sleep through the night, woke up once to have another drink of hot water BUT there was no coughing at all last night. And Paul slept well and was not disturbed. Am I thankful to the LORD? YES, I am!

And this morning I felt well enough to join my 3 friends for a simple lunch fellowship. I have not seen them for 2 months now... the last time SK prepared chilli crab at her home...so memorably yummy.
All was so glad to see me and B couldn't helped but shared this - she prayed this morning that I will be able to come. I came. And she also prayed for her dog who had to visit the vet this morning (each time her dog would be car sick and vomit). She said this is the first time prayed for her dog and indeed this is the first time the dog did not become sick in the car!
Nothing is too inconsequential for prayers. (Many times we think that prayers are only reserved for more important things in life... not true... GOD is interested in our little "anxieties").
YES, we thankful. We are grateful for the little cheers in our lives.
Should I only be thankful when my cough is totally gone...or be thankful that for yesterday night, it did not trouble me, I could sleep and for today, I could be out and not "hacking " away...

furries for Mobile

How do you like these little furries for your mobile phones? I have got some real nice, colorful yarns and turned them into cute furry covers.

Just tell me if you want one and let me know the dimension of your mobile phone and the colour you like; or point to the one in the picture (if it is not already given away, I'll let you have it). Email me and I will get one done for you. (also for friends not living in Singapore). Of course only for my female friends.

5th cycle and Happy

I have just completed 5th cycle. Now I do get a bit more tired, sleepy, a little nauseous but I am eating most of my meals, that's good. I do get diarrhea after each velcade infusion but it doesn’t weaken me like the last time. Tastebuds are a little affected, feeling of blandness but I don’t have the problem of being sickened by Chinese food odour. I really am very thankful to GOD for giving me the strength to go through the treatments a lot better this time round. But I am realistic that it can get a bit more difficult as I go on to the next cycles (6 and 7) because cycle 5 was more tiring than cycle 4. We will continue to seek GOD’s grace to help me persevere and endure the course. Of course I must be careful and not get sick with other infections since my immunity is still rather low. IgA is at 44 (range should be 70-230). IgG has improved, dropped from high range to normal. IgM is at the low end of normal. Dr G is careful about adding immunoglobulin infusion since my last adverse reaction.
More importantly, the M band is down to 4. I am thankful to the LORD for this encouragement. This is really good news because we were not very certain if this treatment protocol is effective, now we can proceed with a little bit more confidence. Cancer management is not an exact science. The right dose for each patient and their reaction to the toxicity are so different. All these drugs may have some effect on the kidneys, liver and heart, so these organs need to be monitored as well.
I seek your continued prayers - strength to keep with the treatment protocol and for it to be effective to eradicate the myeloma - immunity level for IgA to improve - protection on the organs - and most of all we praise and give thanks to the LORD together.
Ps.118:19 Open for me the gates of righteousness, I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.

Green Tea and Velcade

A recent article in Feb 3 2009 -
http://www.hematology.org/media/02032009.cfm
Green Tea May Negate the Effects of a Common Cancer Therapy (WASHINGTON, February 3, 2009) – Green tea products have become regarded as a valuable health supplement, as studies have shown evidence of its benefit against a variety of diseases, including cancer. However, a new study suggests that some components of green tea may counteract the anticancer effects of one cancer therapy, bortezomib (Velcade®), and may be contraindicated for patients taking this medicine to ensure its maximum therapeutic benefit. This study is being prepublished online today in Blood, the official journal of the American Society of Hematology. (for the full article, go to the website link above)

After I read this, I wondered what else should I not take that may contraindicate with Velcade. Velcade being the primary treatment agent for multiple myeloma. Something so innocous and harmless like green tea can totally diffuse the effectiveness of Velcade. What other antioxidant compounds act in the same way as green tea? I have now avoided drinking green tea but how about the other teas or other Chinese tonic like ginseng, lingzhi? Nothing yet written because it has not been tested? It is really quite flustering (if there is such a word) I am get jabbed twice a week and I don't know whether I could be consuming something that may affect its efficacy? That is the trouble with new drugs, they are not fully tested.

So where do I go to find out what I can eat and what I should avoid when I am on Velcade? Are there more food produce with similar properties as green tea? If you know tell me.

Chest infection

I came down with a bad chest infection just after my mother-in-law's funeral. I think it has been over 20 days now. It all started with Paul having a serious cold. We took all precautions - he went to sleep in another bedroom for 1 week and whenever he had to drive me to the doctor, he had a mask on and sometimes I had also to put on a mask. We made sure we washed our hands thoroughly. After close to 2 weeks of tight hygiene, Paul told Dr. G that he is thankful that I am OK.... wah...what a mistake....because the next week I came down with a cough. I am rather averse to being happy too soon because it sometimes turn out wrong. We are surrounded by so many sick people, coughing, sneezing...the flu bug is everywhere... and apparently people are sick longer and longer and don't seem able to shake off the bug despite on many courses of antibiotic.

So it is no surprise that I also succumbed. I was so angry (with who???myself, Paul, people, GOD?). When one is ill, one can be rather unreasonable. Why should I be sick again, I was down in November with cough and fever and it is just too soon to fall ill again. With a racking cough and a running fever, I laid in bed with great misery. [Of course that was reason why I could not write in my blog for so long... no energy and no mood...] My days have not been good, still going for treatments and now weakened by the cough bug... I was feeling rather sorry for myself. But in a couple of days the antibiotic worked very well and the cough stopped, the fever went away. When one is feverish one can be quite disoriented and dense and the mind can be filled with awful thoughts.

I thought that I was in the clear for a week but sadly the cough lingered on and I am again on another course of antibiotic. Looks like it is quite hard to shake this cough. I know that many healthy friends had a bout of cough or flu and for some reason they also took a long time to recover. So it is not unexpected that I also am having a hard time with this chest infection primarily because my immunity is low. So I have been resting since Sunday. The strong antibiotic makes me feel like I am in a daze. I drink a lot of water (warm). I am thankful that I still have a good appetite in the morning and lunch time but less so for dinner.

Do pray that I will respond to the antibiotic and be well again.

82 yrs

My mother in law went home to be with the LORD on 6th Feb after almost a decade of ill health with diabetes and a stroke 5 years later. The diabetes caused a leg amputation and she had been wheel chair-bound since then. For a good part of 70 years she was very healthy, living a simple and quiet life and attending our Senior Citizen thursday meetings. That is the highlight of her week and she especially enjoyed the company of Rosie who made a special effort to sit with her and made her welcome. My mother-in-law was a very quiet and private person, did not like to talk much about herself.

One thing I remember fondly of her is that she unlike most MIL, did not interfere with my child-rearing and I never had any incident with her regarding how the children should be fed, disciplined etc. She kindly and patiently took on her grandmotherly duties with cheer. In my early years there were many things I was rather "blur" as a young mother but there was never "I told you so" from her. After Melissa, we had Gerald by that time we had a pretty dependable Penang amah (Ah Gek). With Melissa we were staying at my mother's house for three years, so there was always some family members around to keep a eye. By the time Gerald came we thought we could manage on our own with Ah Gek, so we moved out to our own apartment at Rich East.

I worked, Paul worked and Auntie Gek to look after Melissa at 3 and newborn Gerald. Paul and I thought that was fine. But my in-laws didn't think it good to leave 2 young ones in the hands of a helper. So in their quiet and unobstrutive way, they made daily trips to our apartment to keep watch over the children. My father-in-law was working then, so my mother-in-law was the one who faithfully took a bus all the way from Pasir Panjang to the East Coast just so that she could keep a watch eye over the children. It was a long ride and in the late afternoon she would take the bus back. By the time we got back from work she was gone. She quietly did this for about a year. This was the way my mother-in-law showed her love and care. No interference, no fussing around etc simply accepting our decision and working around it as best as she could. A quiet and kindly mother.

Pictures at the wake - with Paul's only brother's daughter Chloe, father, Auntie Frances and Uncle Kai Poh.

4th cycle VdRz

I am on my 4th cycle. A cycle is 2 weeks of treatment and 1 week of rest. I am very thankful that I am tolerating the treatment very well. The side effects are so mild that I cannot complain. I am able to move about and do almost all that I do when I am not on treatment :-)

VdRz - V is Velcade. Administered on Mondays and Thursdays by injection.
d is dexamethasone. Injest once a week.
R is Revlimid. Injest every alternate day for 3 weeks and rest 1 week. From next week I will take it every day but a lower dose.
z is zometa. Administered once every 3 weeks by infusion.
So far this combination is working well, the blood test shows most readings to be within normal except IGA and IGM - 2 immunity readings dropped, which could be due to the increased dose of Revlimid.
And we will wait for M-band result, always the last to be known. M-band tells us whether the treatment combination is doing a good job.

Our hope is in the LORD. He has been our help thus far, our Ebenezer.
Through this time we learn patience.
Sometimes I "gripped" about how long this illness has taken me. I try not to. I need to distract my mind from it, doing some "light-hearted" activities. Paul has been very patient and endearing, not a word of complain!

At the clinic I have seen one lady responding very well after 2 cycles of targetted treatment. I have also seen another lady deteriorating after a few cycles (but latest news, some response is seen). The doctor tries his best to propose a suitable regiment for each of his patients. But really we should look to the LORD, He knows best, our times are in His hands. We beseech His grace and mercy. Psalm 34
14 But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God."
15 My times are in your hands;
Who dares say what to His Creator. If you confess your belief and trust in Him. Then believe! He is the Almighty. Isaiah 59:1 Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear. We abide by His time and by His will. He is our Creator.

A Happy Reunion

Every year when Hilda comes back from Melbourne, she always make time to meet up with our ex-colleagues. Last year I could not join them but Hilda came to visit me herself and brought to the rest, a card from me to express my thanks for their gift of flowers and well-wishes.

These ladies are very special to me eventhough I left the workforce over 8 years now. It goes to show that genuine friendships are lasting. Except for Hilda and Janice (two on the right), the rest like Evelyn, Florence, Selena and Seow Peng are much younger. I enjoyed working with them tremendously, we were together for many years in Finance and Control except the last two years when I moved to Regional Compliance, there I worked with HQ and country people from Asia Pacific. That was also very interesting in that I got to meet and work with other nationalities. I have always enjoyed my work life.

Though I did not stay through the lunch (I had infusion in the morning), I was very glad to hear that all are well despite still undergoing the merger process. I was even more delighted to hear Janice encouraging two ladies to attend Workplace Alpha. What a beautiful change in J, praise the LORD!

Tired and Weary

For some weeks now, I was a little tired and weary in mind and in body, therefore I did not post anything. But I know you understand. As I look into the New Year 2009, it's so uncertain and I really cannot see beyond the present. Though I am not really good at making resolutions, in the last few years (before I became ill) I do make a point to reflect on what I plan to do with my time and be actively engaged so that the days and time do not drift by aimlessly. The Bible tells us to seek the LORD who will "Teach us to number our days aright that we may return a heart of wisdom." But this year I could not get myself going ... though I am so much better than last year. In some way I was rather disappointed with myself. Sometimes I blame my mental condition on the drugs I take (ha ha). In times like this, one can only look to the Bible for strengthening - yes, even the young grow weary but GOD will give us the strength to go on - He will not grow tired or weary - He is the Almighty Creator of the ends of the earth - He understands our frame - His understanding no one can fathom. Jesus promises to those who are weary, to come to Him and He will give rest.

I am continuing onto cycle 3 of Velcade(Mondays and Thursdays), Zometa(once in 3 weeks) and Revlimid (alternate days). I am very thankful that the side effects are not bad as in 2007, except for bloatedness (my clothing have changed to baggy ones), water retention and some numbness. Sadly my veins are not cooperating, sometimes it is difficult to locate a good one for infusion resulting in a few unsuccessful jabs (ouch and double ouch). Any suggestion on how to have good strong veins?? I squeeze hand-size rubber ball.
Please pray that I can achieve some stability and be at a level where my condition can be kept at maintenance dose. Thanks, I know many of you are upholding me in prayers.

Isaiah 40:28Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
Isaiah 40:29He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Isaiah 40:30Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
Isaiah 40:31but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Matthew 11:28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

A knitting bag, a devotional classic

I spent considerable hours to make little gifts to express my thanks to the many friends not because it is the season for giving but rather it is an expression of deep gratitude. I did not spent much time going out to the shops because that would have been too exhausting, so they were really "little" tokens of my affection.

I have also received some very wonderful and thoughtful gifts - a knitting bag, which I immediately used to put some yarns and knitting needles and now I carry it everywhere I go. A devotional classic - this friend knows the kind of books I enjoy reading the writings of these men such as Jonathan Edwards and D. Bonhoeffer - somehow the mind and intellect click together when one share similar interests and inclinations. A 3-D photo frame with photos of our trip to Hokkaido. This is very memorable and I can see the love that goes into putting it together.

Hallelujah

Paul 's contribution to this last posting for the year 2008..."Hallelujah". He said this should be the title for the 31st December 2008 post. Yes, indeed we Praise the LORD for 2008. Our hearts are filled with thanksgiving for the way He has brought us through the year. It is the amazing grace of GOD that we are able to rise above our circumstances and we are strengthened to overcome the challenges we faced through the year. On the whole, we must say that I have been well most of the time and have been able to do normal activities beside going to the doctor's clinic.

We managed to do a number of maintenance works on the house like internal painting, polish the marble floor, replaced a bathroom window and reupholstered all the sofas (about 9 years old). I was reasonably energised to see all these works that were needed to be done. In between all these, Paul and I "escaped" to visit my sister in Holland and made trips with Gerald and Russ, with our dear friends, Michael and Winnie. As we looked back on 2008 we are filled with gratitude for GOD's love and the love of our families and friends. "Noone has ever seen GOD; but if we love one another, GOD lives in us and His love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:12 We have experienced His love in a very personal way.

Years of friendship

Christmas time is a special occassion to spend time with friends especially those from overseas. A number of our friends from Perth return at Christmas time to be with families and friends. Some of us have known each other for 15 to 20 years now and through the Family Life Ministry at BKC we have strengthened our ties of friendship. Year after year we meet to celebrate this bond of love in the name of Jesus Christ. (A photo of us and a photo of all our grown-up children). It is our prayer that our children will continue to be closely bonded; encourage and support each other in their walk with GOD.

Christmas Greetings

Christmas has always been a special time for us and this year especially, we approach it with gratitude and joy in our hearts. We are grateful to GOD for the new lease of life He has given Li Leng. With God’s strength, we were able to travel overseas on 3 separate occasions. This photo for our greeting card was taken during one of these trips at the end of Spring in a lovely part of Provence in France. We are joyful because we have tasted anew the goodness of GOD in Jesus Christ. Indeed, we can say that we look to Jesus as our true Ebenezer (1Sam 7:12), our ever present help in life. We are thankful for all your thoughts and prayers as well as your hand of friendship through this time. Our prayer for you is to know the full extent of the love of Jesus Christ this Christmas and to experience the peace that transcends human understanding. (Phil 4:7) May GOD bless you and your family.

Puzzled

We received news on 18th December that the M-band has gone up to 10 from 5 a month ago. Our expectations were for this marker to go down since the reading was taken after a complete cycle of Velcade which is considered a miracle drug for the treatment of Multiple Myeloma. This is bad news and even the doctor is puzzled.

However, GOD knew and He prepared us for it. That very morning, we read Psalm 112 following the schedule of Our Daily Bread. For those who are also following this, Ps 112 was meant for Tuesday 16th Dec. I had mistakenly read the passage meant for 18th on the 16th and therefore was going back on the 18th to read that which was meant for the 16th. Hence, Ps 112. As we read it, we were conscious that we are reminded to be steadfast in trusting the LORD and we should not be afraid of bad news. Those who trust the LORD completely can never be shaken - v6 and 7. If you believe you are in the hands of our loving and mighty GOD, nothing can be more secure, no matter what happens. We are just overwhelmed that GOD loves us so much that He would assure us in this way. In trusting GOD, we are set free from the prison of the cancer marker. We are free to appreciate GOD for all that He has done for us. Indeed, there is much to be thankful for.

The dreaded side effects of Velcade Li Leng experienced last year did not present itself. Sure, she experienced some tiredness and aches but this was tolerable and we could still fellowship with our church family and friends. We could prepare and look forward to Christmas and the Watchnight services and the gathering of friends. Thank you, LORD.

Today, Li Leng received the eight shot thus completing the second Velcade cycle. Thank you for all your prayers as the locating of veins to put the infusion in was getting tricky (and painful). Last week, the Revlimid dosage was also increased and thus far she is tolerating this as well. Thank you, LORD. Now, we look forward to a 10 day rest period from injections and will go back on 2nd Jan 2009 for blood tests followed by a review on the 5th Jan.

Please join us in praising GOD for His help, His provision of daily strength and the experience of His love and comfort. We are also privileged to be able to pray for some of our friends who are journeying through their own valleys. You have encouraged us. Please pray for victory in this battle. Malachi tells us in 4:2 that “for you who fear My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings and you will go forth and skip like calves set free from the stall.” Though this refers to the coming millennial kingdom, the truth is that Jesus saves and Jesus heals. True healing is from GOD.

Paul.

BMD and Velcade

It is really a wonderful surprise that the BMD Bone Mineral Density result is good. It has improved. Dexa is expected to cause some deterioration but we are very thankful to the LORD that it was not so. Therefore there are many occassions of good news.

I have started on Velcade since last Thursday. May experience periphereal neuropathy (some sensation of that, pray that it will not be severe to affect the treatment cycle). Dr. Teoh is recommending 2 cycles of 4 injections each, which should end around December. I am keeping away from crowds to avoid infections. We continue to trust the LORD to give strength to receive the treatment. Thanks for your continuing prayers.

21st

Such a special day. Our youngest child has officially become an adult! Such joy in our hearts. I am very, very thankful to the LORD for our three lovely children....not children anymore...they are all adults now! Praise the LORD, Paul and I are blessed!

It was not easy to plan a surprise party... all kind of stories had to be made up and we finally got Russ to the Clubhouse of the Seaview (Melissa and Andy is living there). With mostly his friends from the Young Adults Group, we had a nice little buffet spread. The photo tells all.

Look at me, I am quite OK (after my last scare). And...good news...the M Band has come down to 5. Praise the LORD. We will be going back to the doctor and see what's next....

The Dreadful Day

Firstly before I recount The Dreadful Day, I must express my gratitude and thanks to the LORD and all my friends, I completed the 6 weeks of Dexa. I must say, on the whole it was smooth going - Dexa gave me some very good days and I maximised on some of them. But Dexa really has the problem of making me susceptible to infections. I caught one in the beginning and one at the end! Now we have to wait and see if it did a good job in bringing down the M band?

The Dreadful Day started with me getting a cough on Friday and over the weekend I had rather high fever, it went on for 5 days. The bloodtest on Monday showed readings of a low immunity, several numbers went into the red. On The Dreadful Day (Wednesday), I had to do a Bone Density test, we went at 9.15am and waited and a hour later was told that an in-patient had to be seen first, another hour went, another patient slipped in, waited... and then was told the machine malfunctioned. Ok..there goes the whole morning.

We went up to Dr. G Teoh's clinic for my regular Zometa infusion and because of the low immunity reading and a fever I could not shake, he decided to add 2 bottles of immunoglobulin. The Zometa went in, no problem, the IvIg was supposed to be an hour each but was shortened to half an hour. During that time we were watching Barrack Obama on CNN (5th Nov). When the second bottle was down to a quarter, I started to feel cold, the coldness from from legs spread to my whole body and I started to shake badly. The nurses came in when they saw that I couldn't control my shaking, it wasn't the cold, I was reacting to the infusion. It was stopped immediately, the doctor was called (he had gone to day ward to attend to a patient). They kept telling me to breathe slowly... my pulse was racing...they could not get my BP measured on my arm and had to take it from my leg. Soon the doctor arrived and administered intravenous steroid and something else. He managed to help me recover and then put me into the ward to monitor before I was discharged in the evening.

What a horrendous experience! For a split second when I was in "a rigor", I thought I could be going..... I guess these are the concomitant "dangers" of infusions, transfusions, anesthesia, etc. and it happened to me. Dr. Teoh was actually attending to a patient with similar response to IvIg infusion just before me. (it could be a batch problem...whatever it was, it hit me!)

While I was prone, in shock with nurses around me...Paul was so lost and didn't know what to do except sent out SOS to our prayer intercessors. It was our lifeline. We thank you for your prayers...some of you just stopped what you were doing and went on your knees, dashed out of the shop and went home to pray, immediately called another friend to pray on the phone together. The LORD is merciful and He heard your prayers. Thank you, my friends.

I am now much better. My energy level is a bit low. Fever is gone but the cough is lingering... please pray for it to clear completely.

Picnic at Labrador Park

I just love picnics.

Let me tell you how this came by. Last week's Monday morning, I woke rather early and sat by the long sofa in the family room to knit. In the quietness of the early hours, my mind thought that there is some public holiday coming up and hmm... isn't is nice to go on a picnic? Yes, it would be and I left it at that. Do you know what.....2 hours later in the same morning, I received a forwarded sms to say that SR is organising a picnic on 27th Deepavali. Wow, what a lovely surprise! You see, there are some people around who are very thoughtful and kind; and love to do things to cheer others. And our LORD knows the little desires of our hearts. Praise Him! Praise Him!

On Deepavali, we drove to Labrador Park at 9am. We sat in a lovely and cool gazebo next to the waters. There were 15 of us and 2 more came along at noon. S brought bee hoon, Ir cooked a pot of curry, F had steamed some buttered sweet corn, G brought some bread to make sandwiches, I had brought "not oily" fried chicken and SC had some really big, crunchy green grapes and strawberry, and others brought tib-bits. What a fantastic spread. I had such an excellent appetite, I ate so much.

We had time to chat and catch up with one another. Of course SC, J and I had our personal time to speak encouragements to one another; at least 2 of us are still going through our treatments. (You can see SC has a cast on her left arm, caused by a fall - the doctor is recommending she stops chemo treatment for 4 weeks to allow healing to take place. Let's pray for the bone to heal.)

And of course, Snookie comes along with us to all picnics.

As we love to sing, we did enjoy bursting forth in songs ... some one noted that a man fishing nearby had moved further away from us, oh dear, our rather loud singing could have kept the fish away! Before our sing-along, we did a one page brain-teaser with compliments of SR. I think it was good to check if our brains are still in tip-top condition... haha...it was fun.

The hours passed by nicely in the company of good friends. We thank GOD for friends!

We left around 1pm, it was getting a bit hot and humid.

Sergio Mendes and a wedding

This week has been quiet and yet included some interesting diversions. One of the night, I could not sleep despite having taken a couple of sleep aid and that meant the day went by in a daze but I caught up this lack of sleep later on in the week.

Another night, we were invited to listen to Sergio Mendes, a Brazilian Jazz group. It was quite interesting, our first introduction to Brazilian Jazz. The 1.5 hour performance went by quite quickly. After that we went to "Ah Teng" at Raffles for a light supper of a plate Hor Fun and teh tarik for Paul and a pot of tou huey jiu for me. We were pleasantly surprised when our tab was picked by Paul's business acquaintance who also went and came from Sergio Mendes. How kind and generous.

At the weekend, we attended the wedding dinner of a very long time business associate of Paul. It was an occasion where many old colleagues were present and it was a good time to catch up. CP came by to encourage me and I am so glad to hear of an opportunity she seized to pray for a friend down with osteo-sarcoma. We must take every opportunity the LORD put along our way to boldly speak of life and hope especially to those who need to know their Creator.

What a lovely week has passed. I am now into my last week of Dexa. By GOD's grace we will trust Him to keep strengthening me.

A little cross

I am down to 2 more weeks of Dexa, this week and next. And I am doing well with very minor effects. Eating well, sleeping well... your prayers are upholding me...thank you. The LORD is strengthening me day by day.

I have been wearing this lovely little multi-coloured cross on my neck since I received it from one of the children at the last church camp in June. The children put the beads together and string them into necklaces, bracelets and mobile hangers. Every camper received something from the children.

At last FLM meeting, our guest speaker shared that sometimes as tourists we buy ornnaments or trinklets from neighbouring countries steeped in other religions; it is not wise to be wearing or carrying them.

My thoughts go back to this little cross that was made by the hands of our children, I just feel very blessed to wear it, knowing that our children have put their heart into making it and surely their handiwork will bring blessings to whom they have given. Theirs are the hands and fingers to whom the kingdom of heaven belongs. Jesus loves the little children very much, in Matthew 19:14 He said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

For those of you whose ministries and daily work are with children, know that this is a beautiful, heart-satisfying and GOD-honoring work. Let me encourage you to keep serving and blessing the children for this is a work that will please the LORD. Let us tenderly nurture and grow these little ones; bringing them up in godliness and righteousness.

Be Sensible

I have been learning much from my weekly Bible Study with HLC and some ladies; and I must share what I learned. There are some lessons that must be shared because they are so sensible for practical daily living and living wisely. It is good enough to write out the main pointers and just reflect on them. We sometimes do act and behave hastily without giving much thoughts and consideration for others. We can learn to behave less foolishly and live wisely.

Foolishness is:

• inability to appreciate and recognise wisdom
• taking a slack attitude towards sin and evil
• putting our trust in authorities and structure
• not applying wisdom for everyday living
• speaking self destructively
• living undisciplined life

Read Ecclesiastes 10

When do we struggle to exercise good judgment?

• when we speak hastily when instead should be silent
• when we do things in a hurry
• when we are in stress
• when we are hurt
• when we are out of touch with GOD and in sin
• when we have wrong companions
• when we have a set or pre-conceived mind
• when we are alone and no wise counsel is available

The results -

• we are ungracious
• we are unkind
• we are hurtful
• we disdain others
• we insult
• we are self-indulgent
• we think ourselves better than others
• we lack self-control
• we look at self-interest, own agenda
• we are critical, judgmental

A foolish lifestyle is one which has no self control, no regards for others, destructive in words and actions, undisciplined, dependent on money rather than on GOD and do not take a serious view of sin. A daily inclination of the heart towards sin will produce a lifestyle of foolishness. It all starts with the heart and from it the mouth will speak, it cannot be capped, the evil and sinfulness will ultimately spill out of the mouth. Therefore we need to guard heart, purify and circumcise it with the word of GOD.

Matthew 12:34,35 "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings out good things out of the good stored in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."

Proverbs 4:23 " Above all else , guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life"

A Rhema Moment

Last week went well and this week the start of my 4th week (will have 2 more weeks of Dexa). For 3 days (Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday) I felt good, no aches except sleeplessness but sleep was aided. From Thursday till the weekend, I start to get fatigued which I handled by staying quiet, sit and rest with my knitting. So overall it has been great!

So Tuesday, a Dexa-charged day, I was able to go out for lunch with my friends. We went out to give a little cheer to LY, whose loyal and faithful pooch went to sleep, very sad for her.
I was so energetic, that they (GSK, LY, B) said I was "perky" not "pesky". What they really mean is that "You're alive and kicking...Praise GOD!" I excitedly shared my joy of Psalm 118:19 and so happy to see the word of GOD affirming me. GSK said that it was a "Rhema" moment - the word of GOD came alive to me. How wonderful that the living word of GOD is real and not some archaic literature or religious teachings! Amen

A Common Destiny for All

Ecclesiastes 9 tells us that we have a common destiny. We have different life's journeys, we walk different paths but we will share a common destiny. No man knows, the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad, as it is with the good man so with the sinner, the same destiny overtakes all. No man knows when his hour will come.
"As fish are caught in a cruel net,
or birds are taken in a snare,
so men are trapped by evil times
that fall unexpectedly upon them." Ecc 9:12

Death will meet every single one of us at the end of our life's journeys. And no one will know when that will be. Death is a certainty. But death is the beginning of eternity for those who believes in GOD and confessed Jesus as Savior. "Death is the gateway to glory" (HLC).
All journeys will have its share of joys and sorrows, happiness and sadness, some more of one and some less of the other, who are we to demand otherwise. We cannot choose the circumstances that come our ways - the cards we are dealt. Matthew 5:45 tells us about GOD, the Almighty - "He causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the righteous" GOD is not unfair, Christians are not immune to hardships and tribulations. Tribulations are not reserved for those who do not know GOD. Yet life is full of enigmas and we see injustices and calamities all around us and we look to GOD for answers. But GOD's ways are unfathomable, that is why He is GOD and we are His created. "We have to live with the fact of GOD's divine mysteries."
But as Christians, we can pray and beseech GOD's grace and mercy to intervene and change our circumstances or help us to be strong and face life's challenges.

Here is what was reminded at our last bible study session - "In the times of perplexities and struggles, we need to find the unshakeable truth to anchor."
Who is your anchor? Will your anchor be able to see you through your perplexities? Will you still have peace in your heart, joy on your face, laughter on your lips? Do you know your future? Can you face your future especially when it seems so dark and threatening? Is there hope?

I only can tell you that I have peace, I have joy, I have hope. I can live my present because I have GOD and I have an eternal future, it is guaranteed by the blood of Jesus Christ shed on the cross for the sins of mankind. My dear friends those who do not know GOD and Jesus Christ, if there comes a time when you seek answers for peace, joy and hope; call on the name of Jesus and confess Him as Savior, you will be able to live with the present and have an eternal future. "Everyone who calls on the name of the LORD Jesus will be saved." Romans 10:13

This is a beautiful hymn.

Hymn - Will Your Anchor Hold in Storms of Life

Will your anchor hold in the storms of life,
When the clouds unfold their wings of strife?
When the strong tides lift, and the cables strain,
Will your anchor drift or firm remain?

We have an anchor that keeps the soul
Stedfast and sure while the billows roll,
Fastened to the Rock which cannot move,
Grounded firm and deep in the Savior's love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sd0ndQJEdpg


Ironies of life:
"The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong,
nor does good come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant
or favour to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all." Eccl 9:11

"Fools are put in many high positions,
while the rich occupy the low ones (sits in humble places)." Eccl 10:6

Knitting - a wonderful pasttime

I have been knitting scarves and shawls; and now I am progressing to sweater. I just completed one and sewing the sides for another. Knitting is an excellent pastime for me, I get to produce something (I am a person who needs to do something and it must have an outcome), this makes me happy, make others happy when I give away what I knit, I get good rest for my body when it gets fatigued and good dexterity exercise for my fingers, my brain gets to think about counting the stitches, I pray as I knit and remember people who needs GOD's grace, mercy and strength. Really happy with how I am spending my time especially these couple weeks when I am on the Dexa treatment, I should be staying home more... all the way till end of October.

I am very glad and happy that my sister, Lilian taught me how to knit. Thank you, sis.

Rejoicing And Praising Ps.118:19

Rejoicing and praising the LORD with all my heart!

I wrote in my blog of 18th Sept. that despite M Band being at 10.4 (climbed steadily from 3.5 in last December 2007), I am not discouraged, the LORD is with me all the way and He knows what is ahead of me. I set my mind and choose instead to enter the gates of righteousness and give thanks to the LORD. Psalm 118:19

Indeed the LORD has been good and wonderfully gracious! The course of treatment with Dexa for 2 weeks brought down the M band to 7.3. Praise Him! Praise Him! My heart is so full of thanksgiving and I again wrote in my blog October 4th - yes, I shall again enter the gates of righteousness and give thanks to the LORD.

Do you know that on October 5th - the ODB (Our Daily Bread) Scripture reading for the day was on Psalm 118! Isn't this marvellous. My reflection for the past two weeks has been on thankfulness and again this verse in Psalm 118:19 keeps coming up. It affirms in my mind that we must always have an attitude of thankfulness regardless of our circumstances. GOD is gracious, he will give us occasions to be happy and joyful. There is always something to be thankful for. Amen!

more Dexa

Just came back from clinic. Yes, the dexa has done good for me. I will continue with another cycle of Dexa. One cycle is 3 weeks and I will go for two cycles. I have already done 2 weeks, this means 4 more weeks of Dexa of 3 days each, combined with 2 days of Revlimid and Zometa infusion at 3 weeks interval. I think it is manageable, by GOD's grace.

Increase doses of Dexa may have toxic effects such as elevated blood sugar (to manage, means lesser carbo and sugar, no char kway teow, yummy pastries etc...), low calcium (weakens bones), low potassium (causing muscular aches, I have been feeling some of it), ocular problems (high pressure in eyes, I use eyedrops for this), mood swings (means you all have to be more forgiving), and of course low WBC (prone to infection... I will stay away from crowded places). So it is all very manageable. We trust the LORD to use these medications to control the myeloma. This a far kinder treatment than other alternatives. I am so thankful that this combination is working for me at this time. I seek your continual prayers against infection and toxic effects of the various drugs for the next 4 weeks. Thank you, my friends.

Good News

Good news - M band came down from 10.4 to 7.3! This is really wonderful, thank GOD. The 2 pulses of Dexa did work. I am just so happy and I know you are all very happy and glad for me. Paul received news of it yesterday and we will go in to see the doctor on Monday to discuss the next treatment cycle, probably with more dexa? Thank you so much for your prayers. Open for me the gates of righteousness; I will enter and give thanks to the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD for He is good; His love endures forever.