Thank you for praying. I was calm throughout the MRI scan. It took 1.5 hours. I brought along the Deborah Mae CD and the songs were very comforting. The LORD is gracious, I was not at all anxious, for by prayers (yours and mine) the peace of GOD that passes all understanding has kept my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. My tummy was acting up just before the MRI. The velcade treatment yesterday was the cause. Praise the LORD, my system cleared out the watery stools minutes just before I had to do the scan. Paul and I prayed that my tummy would stay stable throughout the scan. Yes, it was stable. I see this as the LORD’s favour and goodness to me.
Paul updates: The M-band taken on Monday 22nd is out today and it has gone down to 5. We give thanks to the LORD. We will discuss the MRI results with the Dr. Teoh on Monday and decide the course of action. Monday is the start of the 8th cycle – the 6th for Velcade. A new drug will substitute for Thalidomide let’s pray it arrives on Monday. It is called Revlimid or lenalidomide – a thalidomide derivative with less peripheral neuropathy effects and hopefully Li Leng can tolerate this better. Our hope is in God and we thank Him for His presence in our lives.
Friday, 26 October 2007
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
In the boat
They were in the boat and Jesus was asleep in the stern. Soon a furious squall came and it nearly swamped them. They woke Jesus and said “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” Jesus got up and rebuked the storm and the wind died down and it was completely calm. Jesus turned to his disciples and said “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
Like the disciples, my faith is being tested. When I received bad news, I crumpled. I required quite a bit of encouragement from Paul to be reminded again and again who GOD is. Like the disciples I become distressed. The storm around me seems ferocious and unstoppable. When the doctor says, “What other alternative...?” Leaving us with little choice and this makes me rather discouraged.
But this episode with the disciples reminds me that Jesus is in the boat with me and He will go through the storm with me. And Jesus understands my frame and in my moments of weakness, He will rebuke and quiet the storm. He will bring calm and peace to my heart. Let us not be frightened by the storms in our lives but be assured and know that Jesus is in the boat.
There is a children”s song that goes – With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm, smile at the storm, smile at the storm, with Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm as we go sailing home.
There will be storms in our lives, yours and mine, some bigger, others smaller, how will we respond? Our LORD is gracious; He will help and strengthen our faith. Ps. 41:10
The LORD already knows the path I have to take. Our LORD is merciful and full of compassion. To Him be the glory. Ps. 115:1 “Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.”
I will have to go for a full body MRI on Friday morning, the last time left me claustrophobic. Pray that I will remain calm throughout. I will have to do a bone marrow biopsy the following Monday. The doctor needs these to help him consider how to further the treatment. My hands and feet are numbed because of the thalidomide, I still need to take them, pray that the neuropathy does not worsen.
Like the disciples, my faith is being tested. When I received bad news, I crumpled. I required quite a bit of encouragement from Paul to be reminded again and again who GOD is. Like the disciples I become distressed. The storm around me seems ferocious and unstoppable. When the doctor says, “What other alternative...?” Leaving us with little choice and this makes me rather discouraged.
But this episode with the disciples reminds me that Jesus is in the boat with me and He will go through the storm with me. And Jesus understands my frame and in my moments of weakness, He will rebuke and quiet the storm. He will bring calm and peace to my heart. Let us not be frightened by the storms in our lives but be assured and know that Jesus is in the boat.
There is a children”s song that goes – With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm, smile at the storm, smile at the storm, with Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm as we go sailing home.
There will be storms in our lives, yours and mine, some bigger, others smaller, how will we respond? Our LORD is gracious; He will help and strengthen our faith. Ps. 41:10
The LORD already knows the path I have to take. Our LORD is merciful and full of compassion. To Him be the glory. Ps. 115:1 “Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.”
I will have to go for a full body MRI on Friday morning, the last time left me claustrophobic. Pray that I will remain calm throughout. I will have to do a bone marrow biopsy the following Monday. The doctor needs these to help him consider how to further the treatment. My hands and feet are numbed because of the thalidomide, I still need to take them, pray that the neuropathy does not worsen.
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
Thank you, Deborah Mae
I have been listening to Deborah Mae’s CD Come to the Water, every night (since September). As I settle to sleep her CD will play softly in the background. The words in the songs minister to me deeply. Repeatedly I am reminded of GOD’s faithfulness, His mercy, His compassion, His care and His love. “Be not dismayed whatever betide, GOD will take care of you.”
Many of the songs brought calmness and peace and assurance. Jesus said “Come to the Water, Stand by my side, I know you are thirsty you won’t be denied. I felt every tear drop when in darkness you cried. And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”
There is this one other song that stills and quietens the struggles that are in me. It speaks of GOD’s purpose and assures of GOD’s best. I had to copy the lyrics by listening as it was not printed in the cover.
Rejoice in the LORD
GOD never moves without purpose or plan
When trying His servant and molding a man
Give thanks to the LORD though your testing seems long
In darkness He giveth a song.
Refrain
Rejoice in the LORD, He makes no mistake
He knoweth the end of each path that I take
For when I am tried and purified
I shall come forth as gold.
I could not see through the shadows ahead
So I look at the cross of my Savior instead
I bowed to the will of the Master that day
Then peace came and tears fled away.
Now I can see testing comes from above
GOD strengthens His children and purges in love
My Father knows best and I trust in His care
Through purging more fruit I will bear.
This song tells me to rejoice, tells me GOD knows, tells me to look to the cross, tells me GOD strengthens and tells me I must trust in His care. I know that I need to be frequently reminded that I am in the centre of GOD’s will and I am thankful to Deborah Mae for all these beautiful songs that are in her CD. May our LORD bless her that more and more people will receive comfort and peace from listening to Deborah sings.
Another thing I must add. When I finished writing this on my foolscap paper, I found a 3 page letter from my friend GSK, I got this some months back and I had placed it at the back of this foolscap pad. I took it out again to read. She wrote about attending the wake of Captain Ho who collapsed after running a marathon and her mother is with BB BSF. My friend felt that there were two songs sung that struck a chord in her heart and she enclosed the wordings of the 2 songs. When I turned over the page of her letter to look at the songs, one of it was Rejoice in the LORD! Isn’t marvelous that the LORD works in such a wonderful way! When I first received this, it didn’t make an impression on me but at the right time, it did. It affirms to me the LORD knows everything that I do. Praise the LORD.
Many of the songs brought calmness and peace and assurance. Jesus said “Come to the Water, Stand by my side, I know you are thirsty you won’t be denied. I felt every tear drop when in darkness you cried. And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”
There is this one other song that stills and quietens the struggles that are in me. It speaks of GOD’s purpose and assures of GOD’s best. I had to copy the lyrics by listening as it was not printed in the cover.
Rejoice in the LORD
GOD never moves without purpose or plan
When trying His servant and molding a man
Give thanks to the LORD though your testing seems long
In darkness He giveth a song.
Refrain
Rejoice in the LORD, He makes no mistake
He knoweth the end of each path that I take
For when I am tried and purified
I shall come forth as gold.
I could not see through the shadows ahead
So I look at the cross of my Savior instead
I bowed to the will of the Master that day
Then peace came and tears fled away.
Now I can see testing comes from above
GOD strengthens His children and purges in love
My Father knows best and I trust in His care
Through purging more fruit I will bear.
This song tells me to rejoice, tells me GOD knows, tells me to look to the cross, tells me GOD strengthens and tells me I must trust in His care. I know that I need to be frequently reminded that I am in the centre of GOD’s will and I am thankful to Deborah Mae for all these beautiful songs that are in her CD. May our LORD bless her that more and more people will receive comfort and peace from listening to Deborah sings.
Another thing I must add. When I finished writing this on my foolscap paper, I found a 3 page letter from my friend GSK, I got this some months back and I had placed it at the back of this foolscap pad. I took it out again to read. She wrote about attending the wake of Captain Ho who collapsed after running a marathon and her mother is with BB BSF. My friend felt that there were two songs sung that struck a chord in her heart and she enclosed the wordings of the 2 songs. When I turned over the page of her letter to look at the songs, one of it was Rejoice in the LORD! Isn’t marvelous that the LORD works in such a wonderful way! When I first received this, it didn’t make an impression on me but at the right time, it did. It affirms to me the LORD knows everything that I do. Praise the LORD.
Tuesday, 16 October 2007
Trusting in the LORD
Thank GOD for the night rest, woke up and felt good. Did some stretches in bed and got up at 7am for breakfast. Did eat although lately my appetite is poor and occasionally I could not keep the food down. I am eating lesser - my tastebuds are not tasting but I do drink Ensure. I managed to walk around the neighbourhood with Paul, this is very good for my circulation. But usually by the evening time my aches at the back affects me and I do get rather distressed. The daily thalidomide makes the numbness quite unbearable, started with toes now half of my feet, whole hands. Lying down to rest is not easy because my limbs get numb. Please pray that the neuropathy does not get worse. Thank you for interceding.
Look to the LORD fir His promise to help and strengthen me. Psalm 41:10
Paul adds: "Li Leng just started her dexamethasone today and she will be on this for 3 days till Thursday. Pray that she can sleep and that no complications or fierce side effects occur. The peripheral neuropathy is really quite bad and getting worse by the day. I do not know how long she can tolerate this. We pray for God's mercy to rescue us. We did have a precious time together the last 3 days with each other and with the LORD and we are able to affirm that the LORD loves Li Leng and we have enjoyed His blessings provided all these years. Li Leng has a deep peace in her heart that comes from knowing she belongs to the LORD. She has loved the LORD from her youth and she knows that the LORD loves her. Her heart is steadfast trusting the LORD. Ps 112:4,6"
Look to the LORD fir His promise to help and strengthen me. Psalm 41:10
Paul adds: "Li Leng just started her dexamethasone today and she will be on this for 3 days till Thursday. Pray that she can sleep and that no complications or fierce side effects occur. The peripheral neuropathy is really quite bad and getting worse by the day. I do not know how long she can tolerate this. We pray for God's mercy to rescue us. We did have a precious time together the last 3 days with each other and with the LORD and we are able to affirm that the LORD loves Li Leng and we have enjoyed His blessings provided all these years. Li Leng has a deep peace in her heart that comes from knowing she belongs to the LORD. She has loved the LORD from her youth and she knows that the LORD loves her. Her heart is steadfast trusting the LORD. Ps 112:4,6"
Saturday, 13 October 2007
Bad News
We received news yesterday that the M band test done on Monday 8th Oct. has gone up to 8. I am so sad and dismayed. I do not know what is in store for me now. The doctor is suggesting that I restart on Dexamethasone this coming Monday 15th Oct. for 3 days. Dexa was the first drug I took in the beginning and I had to stop after 2 cycles because of all the side effects. Nevertheless, it did bring down the M band earlier on. This time Dexa will be used to assist the Velcade and Thalidomide during the rest week. A repeat M band will be done on Monday 22nd Oct to see if it works.
It is so scary to see the number going back up. I am so weary after all these months. But my trust is in the LORD as He is faithful and steadfast in His love. May His will be done in our lives. I am reminded that even when we walk in the darkness where there is no light, we can trust in the name of the LORD and we can rely on our GOD. Is 50:10.
It is so scary to see the number going back up. I am so weary after all these months. But my trust is in the LORD as He is faithful and steadfast in His love. May His will be done in our lives. I am reminded that even when we walk in the darkness where there is no light, we can trust in the name of the LORD and we can rely on our GOD. Is 50:10.
Thursday, 11 October 2007
39 Years
I am sorry for not updating regularly and I really should at least say something… it just that some days are good and some bad.
I have started on the increased dose of velcade since last week. So far last Monday and Thursday were OK and on the treatment days and the next I felt tired and crampy with aches at back and front. But this Monday, I felt worse and today I just got the 4th injection. I think it is the cumulative effects of the treatments that affect me. The peripheral neuropathy affected my hands, toes and torso, whatever I touch, feels like sandpaper. My toes are numb. It is very unpleasant because the numbness is always there, well, until I am off the drugs, I hope.
I thank the LORD for giving me strength and courage to go through each day and for going through each treatment. I am especially thankful that I have such a loving and caring husband who tends to my every need. I thank you my dear friends for interceding for me.
According to Monday’s blood test, I am still fighting a viral infection. Do pray that it will clear. My WBC (white blood cell) is rather low at 2, therefore prone to infection.
How would you spend your 39th wedding anniversary? Some may have a big celebration with friends and family or maybe a quiet dinner between the two.
Well, this couple friend of ours chose to do it differently. They spent it with us. Some weeks back, I said that if I am feeling better, we can have a little picnic at the beach where there is no crowd and there is plenty of fresh air. But my condition is such that I don’t know how I will be like tomorrow or next week, therefore it was not possible to plan. I only know my well-being on the morning I wake up. I literally live for the day and I don’t know about tomorrow.
So on the morning of Friday 28th Sep (rest week), I smsed my friend and she replied affirmative and promised to bring a picnic basket. It was only when we met at the beach that we found out it was their 39th wedding anniversary. There was no doubt in their mind that they would rather spend this special day with us than spending it at some dining establishment. I was so touched by their great love for us. We spent the time talking about how our gracious LORD is doing a wonderful work in our church and what He is doing in our lives. It is so wonderful that such a simple fellowship can refresh our souls and gladden our hearts. Indeed the LORD showers His abundant love upon us through precious friends such as them. I know that we have many such friends, like Sussie who cooked a pot of buah keluak because she knows its Paul’s favorite, Irene who came with pumpkin and yam kueh etc.
As the sun set, we left earlier as I was getting tired. Driving off the car park, I could see my friends still sitting at the beach with a great sense of contentment and peace in their heart. Praise the LORD.
I have started on the increased dose of velcade since last week. So far last Monday and Thursday were OK and on the treatment days and the next I felt tired and crampy with aches at back and front. But this Monday, I felt worse and today I just got the 4th injection. I think it is the cumulative effects of the treatments that affect me. The peripheral neuropathy affected my hands, toes and torso, whatever I touch, feels like sandpaper. My toes are numb. It is very unpleasant because the numbness is always there, well, until I am off the drugs, I hope.
I thank the LORD for giving me strength and courage to go through each day and for going through each treatment. I am especially thankful that I have such a loving and caring husband who tends to my every need. I thank you my dear friends for interceding for me.
According to Monday’s blood test, I am still fighting a viral infection. Do pray that it will clear. My WBC (white blood cell) is rather low at 2, therefore prone to infection.
How would you spend your 39th wedding anniversary? Some may have a big celebration with friends and family or maybe a quiet dinner between the two.
Well, this couple friend of ours chose to do it differently. They spent it with us. Some weeks back, I said that if I am feeling better, we can have a little picnic at the beach where there is no crowd and there is plenty of fresh air. But my condition is such that I don’t know how I will be like tomorrow or next week, therefore it was not possible to plan. I only know my well-being on the morning I wake up. I literally live for the day and I don’t know about tomorrow.
So on the morning of Friday 28th Sep (rest week), I smsed my friend and she replied affirmative and promised to bring a picnic basket. It was only when we met at the beach that we found out it was their 39th wedding anniversary. There was no doubt in their mind that they would rather spend this special day with us than spending it at some dining establishment. I was so touched by their great love for us. We spent the time talking about how our gracious LORD is doing a wonderful work in our church and what He is doing in our lives. It is so wonderful that such a simple fellowship can refresh our souls and gladden our hearts. Indeed the LORD showers His abundant love upon us through precious friends such as them. I know that we have many such friends, like Sussie who cooked a pot of buah keluak because she knows its Paul’s favorite, Irene who came with pumpkin and yam kueh etc.
As the sun set, we left earlier as I was getting tired. Driving off the car park, I could see my friends still sitting at the beach with a great sense of contentment and peace in their heart. Praise the LORD.
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