Remaining Calm

Thank you for praying. I was calm throughout the MRI scan. It took 1.5 hours. I brought along the Deborah Mae CD and the songs were very comforting. The LORD is gracious, I was not at all anxious, for by prayers (yours and mine) the peace of GOD that passes all understanding has kept my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. My tummy was acting up just before the MRI. The velcade treatment yesterday was the cause. Praise the LORD, my system cleared out the watery stools minutes just before I had to do the scan. Paul and I prayed that my tummy would stay stable throughout the scan. Yes, it was stable. I see this as the LORD’s favour and goodness to me.

Paul updates: The M-band taken on Monday 22nd is out today and it has gone down to 5. We give thanks to the LORD. We will discuss the MRI results with the Dr. Teoh on Monday and decide the course of action. Monday is the start of the 8th cycle – the 6th for Velcade. A new drug will substitute for Thalidomide let’s pray it arrives on Monday. It is called Revlimid or lenalidomide – a thalidomide derivative with less peripheral neuropathy effects and hopefully Li Leng can tolerate this better. Our hope is in God and we thank Him for His presence in our lives.

In the boat

They were in the boat and Jesus was asleep in the stern. Soon a furious squall came and it nearly swamped them. They woke Jesus and said “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” Jesus got up and rebuked the storm and the wind died down and it was completely calm. Jesus turned to his disciples and said “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
Like the disciples, my faith is being tested. When I received bad news, I crumpled. I required quite a bit of encouragement from Paul to be reminded again and again who GOD is. Like the disciples I become distressed. The storm around me seems ferocious and unstoppable. When the doctor says, “What other alternative...?” Leaving us with little choice and this makes me rather discouraged.
But this episode with the disciples reminds me that Jesus is in the boat with me and He will go through the storm with me. And Jesus understands my frame and in my moments of weakness, He will rebuke and quiet the storm. He will bring calm and peace to my heart. Let us not be frightened by the storms in our lives but be assured and know that Jesus is in the boat.
There is a children”s song that goes – With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm, smile at the storm, smile at the storm, with Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm as we go sailing home.
There will be storms in our lives, yours and mine, some bigger, others smaller, how will we respond? Our LORD is gracious; He will help and strengthen our faith. Ps. 41:10
The LORD already knows the path I have to take. Our LORD is merciful and full of compassion. To Him be the glory. Ps. 115:1 “Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.”

I will have to go for a full body MRI on Friday morning, the last time left me claustrophobic. Pray that I will remain calm throughout. I will have to do a bone marrow biopsy the following Monday. The doctor needs these to help him consider how to further the treatment. My hands and feet are numbed because of the thalidomide, I still need to take them, pray that the neuropathy does not worsen.

Thank you, Deborah Mae

I have been listening to Deborah Mae’s CD Come to the Water, every night (since September). As I settle to sleep her CD will play softly in the background. The words in the songs minister to me deeply. Repeatedly I am reminded of GOD’s faithfulness, His mercy, His compassion, His care and His love. “Be not dismayed whatever betide, GOD will take care of you.”
Many of the songs brought calmness and peace and assurance. Jesus said “Come to the Water, Stand by my side, I know you are thirsty you won’t be denied. I felt every tear drop when in darkness you cried. And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”
There is this one other song that stills and quietens the struggles that are in me. It speaks of GOD’s purpose and assures of GOD’s best. I had to copy the lyrics by listening as it was not printed in the cover.

Rejoice in the LORD

GOD never moves without purpose or plan
When trying His servant and molding a man
Give thanks to the LORD though your testing seems long
In darkness He giveth a song.

Refrain
Rejoice in the LORD, He makes no mistake
He knoweth the end of each path that I take
For when I am tried and purified
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead
So I look at the cross of my Savior instead
I bowed to the will of the Master that day
Then peace came and tears fled away.

Now I can see testing comes from above
GOD strengthens His children and purges in love
My Father knows best and I trust in His care
Through purging more fruit I will bear.

This song tells me to rejoice, tells me GOD knows, tells me to look to the cross, tells me GOD strengthens and tells me I must trust in His care. I know that I need to be frequently reminded that I am in the centre of GOD’s will and I am thankful to Deborah Mae for all these beautiful songs that are in her CD. May our LORD bless her that more and more people will receive comfort and peace from listening to Deborah sings.

Another thing I must add. When I finished writing this on my foolscap paper, I found a 3 page letter from my friend GSK, I got this some months back and I had placed it at the back of this foolscap pad. I took it out again to read. She wrote about attending the wake of Captain Ho who collapsed after running a marathon and her mother is with BB BSF. My friend felt that there were two songs sung that struck a chord in her heart and she enclosed the wordings of the 2 songs. When I turned over the page of her letter to look at the songs, one of it was Rejoice in the LORD! Isn’t marvelous that the LORD works in such a wonderful way! When I first received this, it didn’t make an impression on me but at the right time, it did. It affirms to me the LORD knows everything that I do. Praise the LORD.

Trusting in the LORD

Thank GOD for the night rest, woke up and felt good. Did some stretches in bed and got up at 7am for breakfast. Did eat although lately my appetite is poor and occasionally I could not keep the food down. I am eating lesser - my tastebuds are not tasting but I do drink Ensure. I managed to walk around the neighbourhood with Paul, this is very good for my circulation. But usually by the evening time my aches at the back affects me and I do get rather distressed. The daily thalidomide makes the numbness quite unbearable, started with toes now half of my feet, whole hands. Lying down to rest is not easy because my limbs get numb. Please pray that the neuropathy does not get worse. Thank you for interceding.
Look to the LORD fir His promise to help and strengthen me. Psalm 41:10

Paul adds: "Li Leng just started her dexamethasone today and she will be on this for 3 days till Thursday. Pray that she can sleep and that no complications or fierce side effects occur. The peripheral neuropathy is really quite bad and getting worse by the day. I do not know how long she can tolerate this. We pray for God's mercy to rescue us. We did have a precious time together the last 3 days with each other and with the LORD and we are able to affirm that the LORD loves Li Leng and we have enjoyed His blessings provided all these years. Li Leng has a deep peace in her heart that comes from knowing she belongs to the LORD. She has loved the LORD from her youth and she knows that the LORD loves her. Her heart is steadfast trusting the LORD. Ps 112:4,6"

Bad News

We received news yesterday that the M band test done on Monday 8th Oct. has gone up to 8. I am so sad and dismayed. I do not know what is in store for me now. The doctor is suggesting that I restart on Dexamethasone this coming Monday 15th Oct. for 3 days. Dexa was the first drug I took in the beginning and I had to stop after 2 cycles because of all the side effects. Nevertheless, it did bring down the M band earlier on. This time Dexa will be used to assist the Velcade and Thalidomide during the rest week. A repeat M band will be done on Monday 22nd Oct to see if it works.

It is so scary to see the number going back up. I am so weary after all these months. But my trust is in the LORD as He is faithful and steadfast in His love. May His will be done in our lives. I am reminded that even when we walk in the darkness where there is no light, we can trust in the name of the LORD and we can rely on our GOD. Is 50:10.

39 Years

I am sorry for not updating regularly and I really should at least say something… it just that some days are good and some bad.
I have started on the increased dose of velcade since last week. So far last Monday and Thursday were OK and on the treatment days and the next I felt tired and crampy with aches at back and front. But this Monday, I felt worse and today I just got the 4th injection. I think it is the cumulative effects of the treatments that affect me. The peripheral neuropathy affected my hands, toes and torso, whatever I touch, feels like sandpaper. My toes are numb. It is very unpleasant because the numbness is always there, well, until I am off the drugs, I hope.
I thank the LORD for giving me strength and courage to go through each day and for going through each treatment. I am especially thankful that I have such a loving and caring husband who tends to my every need. I thank you my dear friends for interceding for me.
According to Monday’s blood test, I am still fighting a viral infection. Do pray that it will clear. My WBC (white blood cell) is rather low at 2, therefore prone to infection.

How would you spend your 39th wedding anniversary? Some may have a big celebration with friends and family or maybe a quiet dinner between the two.
Well, this couple friend of ours chose to do it differently. They spent it with us. Some weeks back, I said that if I am feeling better, we can have a little picnic at the beach where there is no crowd and there is plenty of fresh air. But my condition is such that I don’t know how I will be like tomorrow or next week, therefore it was not possible to plan. I only know my well-being on the morning I wake up. I literally live for the day and I don’t know about tomorrow.
So on the morning of Friday 28th Sep (rest week), I smsed my friend and she replied affirmative and promised to bring a picnic basket. It was only when we met at the beach that we found out it was their 39th wedding anniversary. There was no doubt in their mind that they would rather spend this special day with us than spending it at some dining establishment. I was so touched by their great love for us. We spent the time talking about how our gracious LORD is doing a wonderful work in our church and what He is doing in our lives. It is so wonderful that such a simple fellowship can refresh our souls and gladden our hearts. Indeed the LORD showers His abundant love upon us through precious friends such as them. I know that we have many such friends, like Sussie who cooked a pot of buah keluak because she knows its Paul’s favorite, Irene who came with pumpkin and yam kueh etc.
As the sun set, we left earlier as I was getting tired. Driving off the car park, I could see my friends still sitting at the beach with a great sense of contentment and peace in their heart. Praise the LORD.

A Walk to Remember

This is the rest week for me. I am stable, some days tired, some days better. Getting to sleep at night is the most challenging time of the day; it takes me about 2 hours to settle in before I really sleep. I still wake up a number of times in the night, though last night only one time. Next week, treatments will start again and the doctor will increase the dosage. I trust the LORD to see me through, as He did, week after week, month after month. The LORD is faithful and He is full of love and compassion.

Today I had to go to the doctor’s clinic to get my Hickman line flushed and the dressing changed. This was done in a jiffy and after leaving the carpark, Paul turned to me and asked if I was able to make a trip the the Changi Beach Park. I know that Changi is really far away and wasn’t very sure of my energy level but I said yes and I am glad we went.

Changi Beach Park is off the coastal road fringing the airport. It took us about half an hour to get there as the traffic was clear, it was early afternoon. We passed the Changi Ferry Point and went to carpark no.6 Changi Beach Park carpark on the right.
Paul took out the wheelchair and I settled into it comfortably. This park is really very different from all other parks I have been to. The walk/cycle path cuts through the wooded area of the coast of Changi. There are fir trees at both sides of the path and it is not a straight path but curves through the trees, very unlike the East Coast Park. As it was a week day, there was hardly anyone around; we had the park almost all to ourselves. It was simply wonderful; the weather was cool and shady as it had rained in the morning. As we took the right, we headed towards the Changi Ferry Point. Paul pushed me for 1.2 km. When we reached the Ferry Point, I stepped out of the wheelchair and walked. It was slow but steady walk and Praise the LORD, I managed to walk 500m, one hand on the walking stick and the other with Paul supporting me in his arm. The rest of the distance I was back in the wheelchair. Soon we were back at the carpark. The markings on the pathway tells us that there a further distance of 2 km to the left of the carpark. It is not a large park but very lovely. We spent an hour there.
After the park we went to the Hakka Yong Tau Foo for lunch, this is one of my favourite food, very simple and healthy. It is located at Changi Road between Telok Kurau and Eunos Ave. We were blessed with a parking lot just in front of the shophouse, a car just pulled out when we came along.

What a wonderful afternoon! Praise the LORD.

I shall not be shaken - update from Paul

Li Leng’s viral flu has improved and her low grade fever is gone. She was able to resume the velcade injection on Thursday. She has the next week as a rest period for the body to recover as her wbc is still low at 2.5 (normal is 4 to 11).

Yesterday, Friday 21st, we received news of the M-band taken on Monday at the beginning of this 6th cycle. It has gone up to 6 from 5. It is hard not to feel disappointed after praying for it to come down to 0. Dr. Teoh is also concerned and now wants to increase the velcade dose when it is next administered on the 1st and 4th of October. The dose was reduced by 25% to minimise the toxicity after the bout of diarrhea and it looks like the reduced dose is not sufficient to do its work effectively against the myeloma cells.

We prayed to overcome our disappointment and we went into God’s Word to fend off any doubts which are like the flaming arrows from the deceiver always ready to inflict damage on those already weakened. We are already forewarned that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. To stand our ground and to stand firm, God has provided us with full armour and in particular the shield of faith to extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one and the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. Eph 6:10-18.

In the midst of our disappointment, these words from Ps 62:5-8 came to us. “Find rest, O my soul in God alone, my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress, I shall not be shaken. My salvation and my honour depend on God, He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people, pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.”

My dear friends, please pray along with us. We have a faithful God and those who hope in Him will never be disappointed. This rest weak, Li Leng needs to strengthen herself to be able to take the increased doses of Velcade from 1st Oct onwards.

Please pray for:

1. Restore her soul. Ps 23:3. Jehovah-Rapha – healing starts here and the spirit man needs wholeness from the living Word of God.
2. Strengthen her immune system. In God’s design, the immune system does its job of going after the cancer cells and all foreign viruses which cause disease. Li Leng’s wbc and albumin needs to go up and her bone marrow needs to make the right mix of healthy components need for this inter cellular battle.
3. Freedom from the prison of an aching body. The muscle tightness especially around the rib cage has made sleep difficult. For a number of nights now, she did not sleep much and neither did I.
4. Complete healing and restoration. “Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for you are the one I praise.” Jer 17:14.

Entering the sixth cycle - update from Paul

This last week saw the completion of the fifth cycle with Velcade injections on 10th and 13th Sep. Again, we experience God’s provision of mercy as Li Leng did not have the nausea and diarrhea. She is still tired and her muscles ache badly – back and ribcage and now the calves and thighs too and this make uninterrupted sleep difficult at times. She is still not walking as before but still she is better than the last prayer update with less breathlessness. Thank you all for interceding for us in prayer. We are reminded that God in His faithfulness hears our cries and delivers us from our trouble. Indeed, “the LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” Ps 145:18. And thanks for your many words and messages of encouragement – Truly, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” Prov 16:24.

Tomorrow, she begins the sixth cycle (the fourth Velcade cycle). A complete blood test will be done tomorrow for M-Band and other indicators. Please join us in praying.

Thanksgiving to God for sustaining us.
Lighter side effects from the treatment this week – no nausea, diarrhea, digestion problems, severe muscle aches and fatigue.
Strength to walk and appetite to eat.
Sleep at night.
We are praying for God’s mercy to be shown in taking away the myeloma and an indication for the M-Band to be zero.
Restore our souls. (She is weary from the constant pain).
God to be glorified in our circumstance.

Li Leng’s mom (Mdm Tan Siew Ching – a member of our Chinese congregation) who is living with us has had a fall and fractured her wrist. She has been seen by the same orthopedic surgeon who saw Li Leng and he has reset the wrist. It is in a cast and it is healing well. Please do pray for complete healing for her too.

A Precious Time

My dear friends,

This has been my rest week. Since my last treatment, my recovery was rather slow. I was in bed most of the time and I needed help to get up and I could not walk to the toilet without being breathless. The commode had to be brought to me. But, by the grace of our loving Heavenly Father who loves me with His everlasting love, I have slowly regained my strength. I learned to stand up slowly, catch my breath and then take small steps with the help of my walking stick.

During this week, the LORD enabled me to make a trip to Mt. E to see the cardiologist on Wednesday and on Friday I could make a trip to Gleneagles to receive some infusions. Those trips took two mornings away – from 9am to 1pm. After which I felt well enough that we could have lunch at Din Tai Fung at Paragon. Wow! That was a real treat for me. To be out in a public restaurant. The noise and the many people did not affect me at all. I was able to sit through and enjoy the food. I thank GOD that though my taste buds have changed, I could still savor the sweet delicious dumplings and the tasty noodles.

Today, after Holy Communion with Eric and Woon Chuan, Paul and I made a trip to Labrador Park. This time I sms Winnie and Lee Yong and informed them that I would be there. Both replied back that they may go there too. We arrived at 4pm, both Winnie and Michael were already there. Winnie was especially happy that she could see me, it has been more than 3 months since we last saw each other. I sat in the wheelchair with Paul pushing me and Winnie holding on to one of my hands. There was gladness in our hearts. Later sister Lee Yong and KY came, she gave me a big hug. I was able to get out of the wheelchair to walk along the promenade. As the sea breeze was quite chilly, Michael went to his car to bring me a wind cheater. We spent about 1 and half hours together. It was a most precious time of fellowship. I am so thankful to the LORD for giving me such moments of joy and happiness.

As my rest week comes to an end, I commit the next two weeks of treatment to the Lord. “I will say of the LORD – He is my refuge and my fortress, my GOD in whom I will trust”.
He is faithful and steadfast and never disappoints. Is 49:23 “Then you will know that I am the LORD, those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”

Tutik, an angel from GOD

Yes, Tutik my Indonesian helper is GOD sent. She has been caring for me throughout this time I have been at home. Other than Paul, Tutik is mostly around me to help me, as the children are back to work and university.

She has been most patient and gentle, always giving me an encouraging smile. She has such a sweet personality. She also helps to massage my aching back and leg muscles. She knows when after sometimes lying in bed, I start to struggle and my body tense up even more, I will look into her eyes with such misery and a sense of despair overcomes me.

She will quote Scripture to assure me.
“Be still and know that GOD is here.”
“Cast your cares on Him.”
“With GOD all things are possible.”

I told Tutik that I don’t know if I have the strength to see the cardiologist (yesterday – Wednesday) and Tutik reminded me not to worry about tomorrow, just to trust the LORD, for He will give me the strength.

Indeed GOD is faithful. I woke up on Wednesday knowing that I can make it down the stairs and get into the car. The entire time at the cardiologist’s clinic, I was not at all tired. I even went downstairs to the Non-Invasive Lab to do an echocardiogram. Dr. Susan Quek, my cardiologist assured me that my heart is fine and I thank GOD for this.

Back to Tutik. I truly see her as an angel from the LORD, ministering to my physical needs. Not only does she comfort me physically, she uplifts me spiritually. I thank the LORD for this most beautiful angel.

Medical update from Paul

We are really grateful to you all for praying and interceding on our behalf. On Monday, 27th Aug, we requested specific prayer items and I would like to share what happened to those requests.

Li Leng was protected against infection and she did not have nausea nor diarrhea after the Velcade injections on 27th and 30th.

She is able to consume some food but her body is still very weak and she cannot walk like she did before the 21st. She feels breathless on any activity and this has really discouraged her and taken the wind from her sails.

The tight muscles around her back and abdomen waxes and wanes. It is worse during the treatment weeks and more tolerable during the rest week.

She was able to sleep most nights waking up once or twice for the toilet except on 1st Sep due to severe bloatedness in the abdomen.

The M-Band taken on the 27th just came out this morning. It was 10.4 on the 6th Aug and it is now 5.

Psalm 143:1,8,11

O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy, in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
For your name’s sake, O LORD, preserve my life, in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

Indeed, like David, we can thank the LORD for the M-Band result this morning.

Please pray along with us with thanksgiving in our hearts for:

Strength to return so that Li Leng can walk without feeling breathless.
The numbness in her fingers to go away – she is experiencing some peripheral neuropathy as a result of the therapy. She is also feeling numb around her tongue and throat and this make swallowing difficult.
Her organs to be protected – heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, digestive and urinary systems.
Her soul to be restored – Ps 23:3.

Hospital Again and Memories

Another hospital stay from 22nd Aug to 25th Aug – this time it was for a bout of diarrhea. I had the diarrhea from midnight Tuesday till morning Wednesday, going so many times that I forgot. By morning, I was exhausted, my back muscles aching from getting in and out of bed. I was also dehydrated and had to get into hospital. There, the doctor did blood tests which showed my potassium has dropped to too low a level. I had to be infused with a large quantity of potassium. I was also given 2 days of intravenous feed in order to rest my gut. Thank God that I was able to leave after 3 nights stay. But, at home, I still felt weak and spent the next two days – Saturday and Sunday laying in bed most of the time. My front and back muscle ached whenever I turned in the bed or get up. I thought I would have the weekend to recover before my next treatment on Monday.

Today, although I still did not feel well enough, I went in for the top up of Potassium and Calcium and had the Velcade and Zometa injections. I also need to step up the dose of thalidomide from weekly to daily. I pray the LORD will give me the strength to bear with the effects of Velcade for the next few days. My body is not tolerating the treatments and seems to react with fever, fatigue, diarrhea and bloatedness. I feel breathless more often now. It has been very unpleasant.

But, I know by faith that the LORD will give me the strength to endure because all of you have been praying for me. Physically and mentally, I am fatigued and don’t know how much more I can take. But, the Word of GOD says that He will not let me endure that which I am not able. “Our eyes look to the LORD our GOD till He shows us His mercy.” Ps123.

Beautiful Memories

However, I must not only tell you the negatives because the LORD did give me 3 most memorable days – 17th to 19th Aug – during the rest week necessitated by my lung infection and before the diarrhea incident.

On Friday, 17th around 3pm, Paul drove me to Labrador Park. I was able to walk the seaside for an hour hand in hand with Paul. It was lovely. We saw two elderly gentlemen in wheelchairs. They were there with a nun and a driver. They seem content sitting under the gazebo enjoying the breeze of the sea air. We walked past them, smiled and walked on. I was happy that my body was strong enough to take the short walk.

On Saturday afternoon, Paul drove me to Kent Ridge Park. It was a cloudy afternoon. There was a group of young children with their teachers. Soon, they left and we were left walking with my arm on Paul’s. I felt happy. We walk into the inner road of the park but it soon became quite chilly and windy. We did not walk all the way and soon turned back. I had light clothing on and did not want to catch a chill. But, the short walk round the park was good for me. On the way back home, I even wanted to stop somewhere for a tea break. We didn’t because I was not sure I had sufficient energy.

On Sunday morning, I woke up again feeling refreshed. I suggested to Paul that we go to “Simply Bread” at Sixth Avenue. There we shared a sandwich. It was just splendid to again able to do something which we often do together. It was encouraging for me to be out in and around normal healthy people, enjoying a simple meal. I was so happy we could even walk into the supermarket to buy some ham. Although it was a short break for me, I cherished the time with Paul.

I really thank the LORD for giving me those three wonderful and memorable days. I know that there will be good days and bad days. May the gracious LORD grant me more of the good days. I know that the weeks when I have treatment and I feel lousy and sickly, I have memories such as these to think of and be thankful for. Praise the LORD.

Paul writes:

Prayer Request

Li Leng started her 5th cycle of targeted therapy treatment today with Dr. Gerard Teoh. This is also the 3rd Velcade cycle. This cycle, the Velcade dose is reduced slightly to help her body tolerate it better but the thalidomide dose is increased to daily taken at night.

Li Leng has not tolerated this well in the last cycle coming down first with a lung infection from which she is still recovering from and a bout of diarrhea which sapped her energy.

Today, a crucial blood test was done to determine the M-band which tells the level of Myeloma in her body. The last test done on 6th August was 10.4.

Please pray

For protection against any infection and nausea and diarrhea;
For her body to be strengthened and that she can consume food;
Tight muscles around back and abdomen to relax;
Sound and restful sleep;
For a lower M-band which indicates the treatment is working.
We trust the LORD and believe that He is right here with us even as we travel through this dark valley. We trust Him to provide and to heal. He is our Shepherd and we can rest secure in Him.

God is There (Jehovah-Shammah)

Paul writes:

I am compelled to share God’s faithfulness with you. Li Leng and I experienced this in an incredible way.

We have been praying Ps 23 on recent nights and remembering the different expressions of God’s character. From Jehovah-Rohi (The Lord my shepherd) to Jehovah-Shammah (The Lord is There). Sometime later, I’ll share more on praying this way but not now. We have been praying through a number of difficult nights since Li Leng came down with her lung infection as she again was not able to sleep soundly with the aches and pain constantly present.

Wednesday 15th was a particularly bad night. Thursday 16th Li Leng woke feeling tired and fatigued as she could not sleep. Her aches became pains on the back and this had me worried about another bone event – it sends a chill up my spine. She could not sit for long and lying down was uncomfortable as well. She was really discouraged and dismayed and for the third time since coming down with this disease she expressed a desire to give up and be with the Lord. We agonized in prayer – praying Ps 23 as well as asking the Lord to rescue her from this misery. I did not alert any of our praying friends but I now know many of you were praying all the time for us and you have been faithful in doing this. We prayed till 9:30am while Li Leng was still lying on her bed.

At 9:32am, our dear brother Sum Loon (and sister Lee Meng) sent a sms to me with this message. “The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deut 31:8

We thanked God for this message. It came from a dear brother and sister in the Body of Christ. The Body is Christ made visible and Rom 12:5 – our theme verse for this year selected by this same brother - resonated again.

Meanwhile, Li Leng did not feel any better and was still miserable with all the discomforts of fatigue and aches and pains. We continued praying while still on the bed. I was reminded not to worry or be anxious by Phil 4:6,7 and remarked to Li Leng that knowing this, to worry is to doubt God and is sinful. We also took the opportunity to pray for a number of our friends.

At 10:48am, our dear sister and fellow sufferer Janet sent this sms to Li Leng with this message. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, said the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jer 29:11

That settled it. These were two clear messages from the Lord who is telling us that He is there and He has heard our prayer. He will provide whatever we need to go through this valley. We thanked God for His faithfulness and asked for His strength to glorify Him with our lives.

Physically, the rest of the morning was no better for Li Leng. She felt a little better in the afternoon. Our dear Dr. Edward Menon dropped by at around 4:30pm to check on Li Leng and to pray for us. We discussed whether to take some sleep medication for the night to try and get a good night sleep for Li Leng. That night, after committing to the Lord, by faith, we took the medication which did not work before and hence she has avoided this for a long while and by God’s grace, Li Leng slept for the first time through the night without waking – not even for a bathroom break!

Today, Friday 17th, Li Leng woke feeling refreshed and with much less aches and pains. As I write this, she still is feeling good. We were even able to take a stroll along Labrador Park together – the first time we are out on a date since May 23rd. While there we received two sms from Dr. Gerard Teoh telling us that the blood tests have shown no infection on the Hickman line and one additional test was also negative. We thank God for His continuing grace.

We really do not know what lies ahead in our journey. Or what is immediately around the corner. There are sure to be ups and downs. The only thing we can be sure about is that God will always remain faithful to His Word. Our times are in His hands (Ps 31:15). We will continue to seek your prayer to intercede for us. After all, Moses had Aaron and Hur hold up his hands while the armies of the Lord under Joshua’s leadership fought and defeated their enemy. Ex 17:15,16. As a Body of Christ, we know that the Lord is our Banner – Jehovah-Nissi. Victory has been won for us by our Lord Jesus Christ.

A Disappointing Setback

I was again hospitalized – this time for lung infection. Soon after I received the second injection of the 4th cycle on Friday 10th, I experienced difficulty breathing on the same night. The entire night from 10pm onwards, whenever I tried to lie down and sleep, I kept gasping for breath. Many times, I had to get up from the bed just to breathe. This continued on until 5 am and I was very tired by then and decided we had to inform Dr. Teoh. He advised us to go straight to the hospital.

We went back to Gleneagles to the same ward. My oxygen intake reading had dropped. Dr. Teoh pre ordered an ECG and a chest x-ray. He came in at 7.30 am and on listening to my chest he prescribed the nebuliser. This was to help expand my airway.
The chest x-ray showed some abnormality, but it wasn’t sufficiently defined to provide the doctor with the necessary information for treatment. He then asked a chest specialist – Dr. Goh Teck Chong to see me. He wanted a CT scan of my chest. After some discussion with both doctors on the necessity, I had it done. The scan showed that there were localized infection and minor segmental collapse. Taken together with the blood test it pointed to a bacterial infection.
I was on the nebuliser 6 hourly for 2 days. This helped to stabilize me and the doctors prescribed another antibiotic to treat the lung infection. The blood test result showed that it was likely to be mycoplasma- a bacterial lung infection and the prescribed antibiotic should be effective to control it. It will take about 3 weeks to resolve and I have a review with Dr. Goh next Monday. Dr. Teoh decided to postpone the Velcade and let me rest this week. He hopes to restart next Monday after Dr. Goh reviews me for the lung infection.
I am now discharged and my breathing and oxygen intake has normalized and my fever gone. I was sent home with more medication.

This episode is a disappointing set back for me. I was in shock, discouraged and didn’t know how to respond emotionally. This journey will have its ups and downs and I am again reminded of the verse in Isaiah 41:10 – “So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your GOD, I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

I pray the LORD will not only strengthen my physical body but my faith as well. May I trust Him to lead me beside still waters and there he will restore my soul.

Dear LORD, please help me.

My dear friends, I continue to depend on your intercession for I am weakened physically, mentally and spiritually.

I thank God that He has shown me His goodness in that the infection was caught early and it is not widespread and brought me back home. Praise the LORD.

Big or Small Things

I have just ended my 3rd cycle and 10 days of rest. I slept well, having to wake up only one time at night around 2 or 2:30 am and then 6:30 am. I ate well, sometimes smaller portions but generally I ate all my meals and even have tea-breaks with some friends. I was able to receive physiotherapy and exercised my back and limbs. My shoulder muscles are cramped due to prolonged lying in bed and that caused tension headaches. Massages does help to relax them, but it is still there though getting softer.

On the whole I must say the 10 days went well and these are good days. I am able to get up myself and needed less help. I could go into the shower on my own. I am indeed thankful to the LORD for bring me to this point of recovery. I am more alert and can be up for a longer time.

I shall be starting the 4th cycle tomorrow on Mondays and Thursdays. For tomorrow I will be in overnight for 24 hour infusion of Zometa and injection of Velcade. Having gone through 1 cycle of Velcade I am more prepared for what is ahead. Nevertheless I put my trust in the LORD for it is He who gave me strength for the last 2 months. This morning Jim and Selene, David and Sussie and Irene came to break bread with me, and they reminded me that the Lord’s peace is with me.
As I go on with the next treatment I claim on this promise in Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your GOD. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Thanks be to our LORD for He is faithful and steadfast.

4 August 2007
Big or Small Things

I last wrote about sister LY having problem sleeping. Since then we have been thinking and praying for each other whenever we wake up in the night. Well, both of us want to testify and declare that the LORD has been good and wonderful to us. Last night, we slept well and that meant that we only woke up once and not many times during the night. Remarkably, both of us woke at the same time - 2.30am and we slept after that till it was morning at 7.30am. And for LY this is a first for her, since for many nights she had been waking by the hour or two through the night. This is really the LORD’s favour on us. He answered our prayers and grant sleep to His beloved. Therefore we want to express our thanks and gratitude to our Heavenly Father.
As sister LY said, “Yes GOD delights in simple prayers and small things. For He give His beloved sleep. He is kind to His children.”

I am reminded of another sister who frequently quotes this verse from Zechariah 4:10 “Who despises the day of small things.”
We are to rejoice and be thankful whenever we see the LORD working in little events in our day to day lives. Praise the LORD. However small the problem is, nothing is too insignificant for us to bring to our LORD.
In the context of this passage in Zechariah, Zerubbabel had to face this insurmountable obstacle of rebuilding the temple. The 50,000 Jews had returned to Jerusalem after the Babylonian captivity and GOD had called them to rebuild the temple. They were initially zealous but problem after problem surfaced and the people became apathetic and work on the temple ceased. Zechariah was sent to encourage the people to turn back to GOD and to complete the task before them.
One thing we can learn from this passage is that whether the task before us is BIG or SMALL we know that GOD Almighty is with us in all circumstances. Small blessings and rejoicings should encourage us on to trust the LORD when big obstacles come our way. Small encounters are still encounters with GOD. Small encounters will prepare us to face the big problems. And hopefully by GOD’s grace we should be ready to trust in the LORD and be steadfast in our faith when we meet major obstacles in life. Zech 4:6 “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD Almighty.
The LORD blessed both of us and we give thanks for “the day of small things”

Want to Gate Crash

Finally my three friends Lee Yong, Billie, Say Kiat got to visit me. They had wanted to “gate-crash” earlier on but patiently waited till the right time. This week sees me more able to move around and meet friends. LY was ecstatic when she received a sms from me to ask them come and have tea-break.

These are friends who would cry with me when I am sad and laugh with me when I am happy. I had rather see them happy than be sad if they had seen me in my earlier weeks. Those weeks I rather forget, I was weak, fatigued etc they would have been so sad to see me in that condition, they would have cried buckets of tears for me. Yesterday I was so glad to see them and we had a little tea-break.

B updated us that she and CS will be leaving for LA as son Daniel will be entering university there. Amazingly they will be meeting with Donald and Mabel Chia, both were from BKC in the 70s. Donald discipled and mentored many youth leaders and Mabel was my Sunday School teacher. I am happy to know they will be meeting together and I hope that Daniel will get to know Donald and Mabel. It is both B and CS’s desire that Daniel remains steadfast in faith during his time in LA and finds a church he can settle down to. I pray that Daniel will be able to live out PS. 119:9-11.

I also found out the sister LY also has problem sleeping and wakes up rather frequently throughout the night. And when she does that she thinks about me and she prays for me. Now I know that I am not alone in this. I have been too preoccupied with my own problems. I thank GOD for these friends and many other friends, who love me so dearly and would do just about anything to put a smile on my face.

Joys are waiting yet

If we could see beyond today,
As GOD can see,
If all the clouds should roll away,
The shadows flee.
O’er present griefs we would not fret,
Each sorrow we would soon forget.
For many joys are waiting yet,
For you and for me.
[Streams in the Desert]

Trials are great opportunities for GOD to show His love to us.
It is a demonstration of His inexpressible power.

I cannot see beyond today, I sometimes cannot feel His love.
But each morning when I get up and night is gone,
I know in my heart it is He who sustained me through to another new day.
I cannot trust my feelings and succumb to moments of weakness,
For GOD is unchanging, He is the same, yesterday, today and forever.
I cannot see the future, I don’t know about tomorrow,
I just have to live from day to day. And today He walks beside me.
As yesterday and all its pain and sorrows passed,
I know He holds my hand.
I can look forward to what lies ahead.
For the many joys are waiting yet, I cannot imagine.
But the LORD has planned good for you and for me.

Jer 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness.”

Ps 103:17,18 “But from everlasting to everlasting, the Lord’s love is with those who fear Him and His righteousness with their children’s children – with those who keep His covenant and obey His precepts.”

A Special Visitor.

Two days ago I had a special visitor – Selene Chew. My dear friend Lee Meng called to ask if I could receive visitors.

By God’s grace, I was able to. Selene has become a very dear “mother” to me. She is like a spiritual mother to many of us ladies in the family life ministry (FLM). About two years ago, the ladies at FLM started to get to know Selene in a very special way.
Each time Selene visited Singapore, she never failed to make time to meet with the ladies of FLM. About a dozen of us would arrange to spend about 2 to 3 hours with Selene. Our time would include simple makan and it always would be preceded with a time of sharing and prayer. Through times like these we all got to know Selene and she got to know each one of us. Every one of us will make a special effort to be present because it is wonderful just sitting and listening to Selene. Selene is a very simple quiet and kindly person who loves the LORD dearly.
Even her tone and manner of speech is soft and gentle.
I pulled out this little note I kept of her sharing when FLM ladies met with Selene on 8 July 2006.

How to be a godly wife.

x Be sensitive to our husbands.
x Be aware of the selfishness in “me”.
x Be alert to “blind spots” in both of us.
x Major on the 80% which is positive in our husbands and let God major on the 20% which is negative.
x Teach once and prays more (how often we want to correct our husband!). Romans 14:4 ” who are you to judge someone else (God’s) servant?”
x Be thankful there is still LOVE- you cannot be grieved by someone you do not love.
x Keep peace and harmony in marriage. 1 Peter 3:5
x Hope in the LORD first than submit to husband.
x Our thankful attitude in all circumstances is considered “acceptable sacrifice” to the LORD.
x Focus on the LORD’s perfection, not on our husband’s imperfection and our own imperfections.
x Don’t be too hard on ourselves as “imperfect” wives Micah 7:8-9 "Though I have fallen I will rise"
- The LORD will be my light
– He pleads my case
– He establishes my right
– He brings me out into the light
x Best gift for my husband is to pray for him.
x Be a good listener.
x Express sympathy when needed.
x Keep confidence - be a trustworthy wife.
x Offer companionable silence at the right time.
x Accept and celebrate each others differences.

If only I look more often at this note kept in my Bible I could be a far better wife. I’m sure one can pick up some of these teachings from books but hearing and learning it from Selene is so different.
It is the way she encourages each one of us to earnestly seeks to be godly and Christ like. She has blessed many of us with a quiet spirit. She is the epitome of 1 Peter 3:4. Godly character like this is not taught but modeled and caught. I know Selene would not want me to heap praises on her but rather that we praise the LORD. And indeed we thank God that the ladies of FLM and myself have been blessed by the LORD through Selene. I personally got to know Selene more and more through these years, and I look up to her as my “mother”. And I know that when news of my illness reached her ear she would have been saddened by it and she would have agonized in prayers for me. I could feel the love coming all the way from NZ. She brought me a water coloured card of a beautiful camellia flower specially hand painted by herself- Selene is an artist painter.

Two Kinds of Righteousness

Last few days, after one and a half weeks of new treatment, saw me going through days of tiredness, cramps, diarrhea and tension headaches. All of which are possible side effects. It was quite miserable. Especially difficult getting out of bed because of my back and muscle cramps and yet had to walk to the bathroom many times. The tension headaches at night were most hard to bear because the panadol did not ease it and I couldn’t sleep. However, today I woke up feeling better. I was able to sleep more hours and had a bit more energy. I thank God for today and the strength he gives me to go through each day.

Two Kinds of Righteousness

On July 15th I wrote on my meditation on Proverbs 10-13 on righteousness.

Today I read the lesson 19 notes of BSF and the teaching from Romans 9:13-10:4 is on two kinds of righteousness.

The word righteousness is dominant in the book of Romans, appearing 32 times. Here, righteousness is the equivalent of salvation (in Greek). Whereas, the righteousness/righteous in Proverbs refers to human righteous acts (a development of character or an accumulation of good works), the Jews in the OT times had the law and many pursued acceptance with God. They labored earnestly to keep God’s law.

There are two kinds of righteousness – Romans 10:4 - human righteousness which is by “works” and divine righteousness that is by “faith”.
The Jews wanted to do something to earn their salvation. Yet, even before the Messiah came, they were not expected to do anything, only to believe God’s promise and to look forward to him in faith, as Abraham, David and other OT believers had done. Romans 10:4 “Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes”
Paul himself a legalistic Pharisee, found "not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.” Philippians 3:9. This is the 2nd kind of righteousness, the divine righteousness that is given to us by grace as children of God and we receive it by faith.

How then do we, righteous through Christ, live our lives?
We are instructed and guided by God’s Word both in NT and OT. Righteousness becomes possible because we are enabled by God’s grace and strength to live in a way that honors and glorifies our Heavenly Father.

Some Side Effects

Update from Paul

Some of you may be wondering why Li Leng has not been writing recently. It is because she is feeling really tired and she is in quite a great deal of discomfort with pains and aches.

The weekend passed slowly as she was having discomfort from bloating which made the muscle around her rib cage and back cramp up more. Her blood pressure also went up as well as her pulse rate. Then she started having a severe headache which would not go away despite the Panadol. Sound sleep continues to elude her. Every time she had to go to the bathroom, she would struggle with getting her muscles to cooperate – walking became difficult and she had to do this with assistance.

We thank God for the grace given to go through the weekend.

Today, she went in to Gleneagles for the third IV injection of Velcade. She was also topped up with some essential minerals – mainly potassium and calcium. Her white blood cell count as well as hemoglobin was low again as a result of the drugs she is taking. She was back home by 4pm and the next visit will be Thursday. After that, she will have 10 days of rest without Velcade and Zometa.

We thank God for the love and prayers of so many of you. Li Leng would like to request for you to pray specifically for the following for her:

1. Pray for tension headache to go away;
2. Pray for the muscle cramp around the rib cage and back to go away;
3. Pray for bloatedness to go away;
4. Pray for sleep to come.

These are her present and immediate needs.

We are indeed reminded of the following.

Ps 34:15 “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry.”
Ps 34:18 “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Ps 34:19 “A righteous man may have many troubles but the Lord delivers him from them all.”
Ps 34:20 “He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.”

Paul.

Give Thanks Always

Dear Friends,

I am feeling quite well, eating and sleeping. I am able to walk around the ward with Paul. Sometimes he brings me to the level 5 roof garden for fresh air. I still have this band of muscle tightness around my ribs and it does give me discomfort. Praying for it to go away.

In the afternoon, I get some sun standing by the window. Sunlight is good for me.

I thank you for your continuing intercession on my behalf. Daily I depend on the Lord to provide me with strength. Strength for my limbs. The leg muscles do feel weak and need to be exercised. I have to move them by doing physiotherapy.

I am reminded to be thankful for all circumstances. “Be joyful always, pray continuously, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16, 17, 18

This is a song we teach the KSS children to sing.

Dr Gerrard Teoh is very pleased with the blood test results and thinks that the treatment so far is heading in the right direction. The M-band has come down to half the level it was at the start of the targeted therapy. Praise the Lord and Thank God for all His mercies.

Meditations on Righteousness

Medical Update from Paul

The next cycle has been brought forward to tomorrow - Monday 16th July. Li Leng will start on new drugs – Velcade in addition to Zometa. Please pray for her body to respond to this treatment without the side effects. Continue to pray that the Hickman line will remain clear of infection – at this time she is still receiving antoibiotic through the red port to clear remaining infection. We are thankful for the excellent care we are receiving.


Meditation on Righteousness

This morning, my meditation on God’s Word was from Prov 10 to 13. These 4 chapters contain the most number of promises and encouragement for the righteous. (There are about 42 in total). Blessings crown the head of the righteous – the mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life – lips of the righteous nourishes many – the righteous stand firm forever – the righteous will never be uprooted – mouth of the righteous bring forth wisdom - righteous man is rescued from trouble – he who sows righteousness reaps a sure reward – the righteous will thrive like a green leaf – the fruit of the righteous is a tree of life – the righteous cannot be up rooted – plans of the righteous are just – no harm befalls the righteous – righteousness guard the man of integrity.

As children of God we have been imputed with the righteousness of Christ and at all cost we must live life in a righteous manner to honor our God and to glorify His Name. 2Cor 5:21 assures us that “God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God”. Indeed this is a privilege for all of us. We have been promised in Ps 34:15 that the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry. We can be very certain that our Lord is watching over all of us and He is keenly aware of all our circumstances.

This I must share with you – in the afternoon when Paul came to the hospital he brought an envelope from Woon Chuan for me. In it she prepared a card with some words of encouragement. Amazingly the card has a picture of sunflowers and on it a verse from Prov 4:18 “the path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn shining ever brighter till the full light of day”.

Isn’t it wonderful that my thoughts and Woon Chuan had been aligned to meditate on this theme on righteousness. Praise the Lord.

My dear friends, you may want to read through these 4 chapters of Prov 10 to 13 and underline all the words – righteous and righteousness and meditate on how one should live righteously.

My friend Carine

Carine Brown has been keeping in close communication through email daily or every other day since she learnt of my illness. BKC members would know Carine, she worked in the Church office administration many years ago, I think during Mr. Victor Chandra’s time.

Some two years back, Carine first wrote to me – it started when she read some of my articles in the Bethesda Bells. Since then we communicated every now and then. She would share with me her life in the USA and her work in the community. Both Carine and Stuart love the LORD dearly.

Carine has been expressing her deep concern and love for me through her many emails. I am so overwhelmed by her love even though she is so far away from Singapore.

Carine just shared this with me and I think she would not object to my asking some of you who know Carine to pray for her. She has found out that she has a thyroid problem. Let us pray that there will be no need for surgical intervention and for the doctor to have wisdom in giving her the right treatment and that this will be under control and for the LORD to heal and restore her to good health.

An Inescapable Reality

Dear BSFers

I really miss fellowshipping with you and in studying the Bible together. However, I am so delighted that I am still able to read the notes of lessons 17 and 18. Gerald and Adele attend the young adult class on Thursday evenings. Gerald read the Bible passage for Lesson 17 which is from Rom 9 to 11 and I enjoyed listening to the Scripture reading. I had time this morning to read Lesson 18 notes and have learned about the inescapable reality of God’s election and the choices He made over the history of mankind. Our God is the Almighty Creator, Sovereign, Holy, Just, Omnipotent, Omnipresence and Omniscient (All-knowing).

An inescapable reality.

As long as we believe that God exercises any control over history or the lives of His people we come to terms with election one way or another. It is an inescapable reality. Election is both necessary and gracious. How could it be otherwise? “There is no one who understand, no one who seek God.” How could sinners believe the Gospel unless God should first enable him to believe, unless God should first set His saving grace upon him and call him to faith? But this is exactly what our gracious and righteous God does. God’s election is indicative of His justice and goodness. As sovereign over His creation He has perfect right to choose whom He will – His absolute holiness, impartiality, justice, goodness and love guarantees that His choices will never be arbitrary but always for His glory and our good.

Rom 9:15 “I have mercy on whom I have mercy; I have compassion on whom I have compassion.”

All of God’s action flow from the majestic fullness and beauty of His divine character. His ultimate purpose is to make His glory known. Salvation is not about us. It is about God. In saving some He makes known His mercy and compassion, in not saving some, He makes known His power and wrath.

These are not my own words but an extract of what I learned from Lesson 18. It has left a strong impression on my mind of who God is. I hope that you will also be edified by this.

Praise GOD

I thank the Lord that I was brought into the hospital yesterday and very promptly attended to by Dr. Gerrard Teoh. Within the hour of admission, Dr. Teoh cleared the Hickman line and was able to draw blood from the line. By the afternoon, IV antibiotics were administered. I soon felt a lot better. Now I know why I was not feeling too well the last three days, the cramps, the weakness, etc.

Today, I feel so much better. I could sit up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. By the afternoon, the IV was removed and I could go to the toilet with some help and even showered. Praise God. After dinner, I could walk around the ward with my walking stick and Paul holding my other hand. Praise God. I thank my friends for praying. I truly value your prayers and love.

Today, I had a visitor, my dear friend from Perth, Gloria Loh. I am so happy to see her and we had a wonderful time together. I am so glad to hear what the Lord is doing in her life. Both Paul and I value our friendship with Gloria and Kah Weng and know the Lord will bless them in a special way.

This evening, Paul and I spent some time praying for the Alpha course – the second in the series. Though we are not present physically, our hearts and mind and spirit continue to be with our brothers and sisters at the meeting. Together with Benjamin who is the prayer coordinator we lift up the session to the Lord to ask for His presence and His Holy Spirit to work in the hearts of all the attendees. For them to fully understand and hear “Why did Jesus die?” May the Holy Spirit lift the veils of their eyes and grant hearers spiritual wisdom to hear the truth.

We pray also for all our brothers and sisters who are working at leading the discussion groups, for Sherman who is doing the ice-breaker to get the attendees to get to know one another and to develop the fellowship and some bonding, for Arthur who is doing the logistics and many others handling the audio-visual system. May our Lord bless the hands that are put to the plough and may He grant a fruitful harvest! To our Lord be the glory. May His Name be lifted up.

From the LORD comes deliverence

Paul writes:

Li Leng was not feeling well at all these last 3 or 4 days. At first, I thought it was a bit of a depression and we prayed for a renewal of the mind. We now know that it was the physical condition that made her so downcast.

Today, our sister Doris Chia came to do the dressing and at the same time flush the Hickman and draw blood for tests at our home. She was able to do everything except draw the blood. Later in the late morning, Li Leng, who was already feeling very sluggish with cramps all over, began feeling worse even when she was lying on her bed. I decided to take her blood pressure and pulse and to my horror found that she had a BP of 150/100 and a pulse of 125. Repeated measurements over next 20 minutes yielded the same range of readings. Moreover, she had a low grade fever of 37.6C.

We prayed for wisdom. I also smsed prayer requests to Li Leng’s prayer group. I called both Dr. Gerard Teoh and Dr. Edward Menon, our dear brother from BKC. Edward made the observation that the Hickman must be kept latent and do its job and with the symptoms and the way Li Leng was feeling, we made the decision to re-admit her into Gleneagles. Doris quickly arranged a room so that we could proceed straight there bypassing normal admission procedures. I called Dr. Teoh who met us when we got to the room. I also smsed several urgent messages to Li Leng’s prayer group to pray specifically for her to stabilize and for the Hickman line to remain intact.

Thanks for all your intercession on our behalves, Dr. Teoh was able to clear the Hickman and draw blood from both the attached tubes. The blood test results later suggested some infection and Li Leng was put on IV antibiotics to cover her. She is also being topped up with immunoglobulin to prepare her for the third cycle starting on 18th July when Dr. Teoh plans to change the regime from Dexa – Zometa to one which combines Velcade, thalidomide and Zometa. Li Leng will need to be in the hospital during the first week of that cycle so the side effects can be managed properly. This means that Li Leng is likely to be in the hospital from today till 25th July.

Gerald is keeping Mum company tonight. When I left, her BP was 120/80 and pulse was 88 and she was feeling better.

“To the LORD I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. From the LORD comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people.” Ps 3:4,5,8.

HOPE IN THE LORD

Dear Friends,

I thank God for your prayers on my behalf. I am sleeping well and waking up only once a night to go to the toilet.

For the last few days, I thank God that I was not as fatigued like last week but my cramps at my back and rib cage returned. I have to go back to the anti-spasm medication to help relax the muscle. It means that each time I get out of bed, my muscle tenses up and I find it hard to straighten my body. I now need help to get out of bed and I need support to move. I find it hard to stand straight on my own. This cramping has reduced my mobility and I now need help to go to the toilet. Hopefully, this is a dexa effect and I’ll get back my mobility tomorrow when I resume my dexa. I am taking each day one day at a time and counting on the Lord for physical strength and grace to lift up my spirit. I continue to need your intercession on my behalf.

Yesterday morning, as I sat at the verandah to get some sun, the sky was breezy and it was a beautiful day. In the distance, I spotted an eagle soaring in the sky. It was a grand sight. I called to Paul and he also saw the eagle. As we sat there watching this bird soar effortlessly, it was a magnificent sight. It seemed so content and peaceful – no struggle, no need to flap its wings – it was coasting on the drafts of the wind beneath its wings. I thank God for giving me such a visual reminder of Is 40:31 that “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” Indeed, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Is 40:29.

Pray for me

(1) Tomorrow, and for 3 days, I will be off Dexa; pray that I will not suffer the lethargy and fatigue like I had the last time. Pray that at night when I lie down, my limbs will not feel heavy and tired. I want to overcome this feeling and I know that with prayers and with the mind set on what the Lord can do for me will see me through.

(2)Pray that the tight ribcage will be loosened out daily as I receive massages to my back and to the ribcage.

Thank you my dear friends for praying along with me.

My friend GSK and Pastor Benny Ho’s “Conversations”

I have known Say Kiat since secondary school at St Hilda’s. She is a year younger than I and we were in the Girl Guides together.
We renewed our friendship about 7 years ago when I joined BSF. Together with Billie and Lee Yong, we formed a tight bond of friendship - we were in BSF together. Our husbands KY, CS, were in Compaq and later HP together and they know each other well. Over time, we four couples met for fellowship, birthdays, and Christmas celebrations. But of course with SK, Billie and LY, we have our monthly or fortnight lunch with longer time to fellowship and share about our families, our lives. Indeed our God has blessed and grown our friendships so deeply.

Just about 2 weeks ago, I called Say Kiat to get some fresh fish supplies. She is really good at finding out sources of fresh meat and fish. She was so glad that I called her to help me in this area.
Not only did she send me the fish, she brought along a CD message from Pastor Benny Ho’s sermon “Conversations”. I listened to the CD and I know I must share what I learnt because it helped teach me more about praying to our Heavenly Father.

Passage: 2Chronicles20 (Jehosaphat’s prayer)
To converse with God, we must understand the context of who God is. In this Old Testament passage, Jehosaphat was faced with a military invasion of monumental proportion. What did he do? He gathered all the Israelites and in the temple of God, he stood out and called on the Lord. He asked the Lord 3 rhetorical questions. (Rhetorical questions are questions with affirmative answers)

Are You Not?
Did You Not?
Will You Not?

Jehosaphat declared that our Lord God, is He not the sovereign God of all mankind? Did He not already give the promised land to the Jews, and will He not now also deliver them from their enemies?

My learning points:
I want to share with you what I learnt from this sermon. It is the 3 rhetorical questions that point me to this theology: that when we pray, we must know Who we are praying to.

To the first question “Are You Not?”.
I too know who our Almighty Lord God is. He is the great I AM. He is faithful, steadfast, everlasting. He is my Rock, my refuge, my deliverer. He is my sovereign Lord, I trust in Him.

To the second question “Did You Not?”
Yes, the Lord has over the many years showed Himself to help me through many difficult times. He has shown Himself faithful and delivered me through many of life’s challenges. The one thing I am deeply grateful to Him is how He brought Melissa back to spiritual health, and now she is such a beautiful and wonderful child of God. This is the evidence of God’s workings in my life.

To the third question “Will You Not?”
Yes, I know that like Jehosaphat, who believed that the Lord would deliver him and give him victory in the battle. I too, will put my trust in the Lord, that this is not my battle but the Lord’s, and victory is His. Amen.

PTL! I slept

This is so wonderful, I slept last night. Dear friends, God answered our prayers and gave me sleep. I started to wind down at 11pm and managed to sleep till 3am the sleep was fitful with some light images in the mind and I remembered the last persons I dreamt of was Dr Alvin and his wife Diana (Adele’s parents) asking how I was.

I woke up at 3am feeling rather hungry. I called out for wen (whenever I was hungry in the nights at he hospital, I always called for Melissa), but paul responded and said he will get me a packet of Ensure. I got out of bed and together we sat at the table and had the lovely milk chocolate with a slice of oat biscuit. After half an hour, we went back to bed. I laid and rested my body. And I think I managed to catch a few more winks before Paul’s alrm clock went off at 6.30am.

It was a good time to wake up.

I praise the Lord for giving me this beautiful rest.

This morning is the start of the BKC council retreat for two days and Paul is all ready prepared in his heart to join the council members to fellowship and seek the Lord’s heart and leading in the matter of BKC.

I am so glad that the Lord has strengthened me to this state that Paul can go without any need to worry about me. Gerald will be with me the whole day. Melissa will be home after school. I am so thankful for my family.

Thank you my ear friends for praying for me to get a good sleep now you can rejoice and thank the Lord together with me. Isn’t He wonderful!

I have been able to spend the last two mornings around 10.30am out on the veranda to get some sun and light on the body. The fresh morning air is also good for me. This is God’s provision from His beautiful nature.

STILL PRAISING AND THANKING GOD

My Dear Friends,

I have not been writing the last few days – my Dexa off days – I find it hard to write, my spirit is low because of the fatigue. But now I am back on Dexa and I am feeling better. I did feel downcast and discouraged because after seeing the doctor yesterday, I see myself going another 3 weeks of ups and downs. I know this journey requires much patience and endurance but just that the thought itself brought me quite low.

Paul and I had to quieten down to come before the LORD to cry out to Him to lead us in this journey and fight this battle and to give me grace for each day. We reflected on how the past week, He has delivered me through the hospitalization and each day I had made progress. I have no pain in the back now except for some muscle aches. So, actually we must still be praising and thanking God and when I look into the next few weeks I should be more positive. I should just look at the next day and not the next week believing that His grace is sufficient for me one day at a time. He will give me the endurance. Continue to pray for me that the Lord will stabilize my sleep pattern and grant me sleep in the night.

Thankful that I was able to walk down the stairs and made it into the car for a smooth ride to the hospital. I had the infusion of Zometa without any side effects. We were back home in the afternoon. Thankful I was able to see the eye doctor and except for some slight high pressure on the eyes, they were not affected (I had double vision and could not read fine print, glare problem). Praise God that the Dexa did not affect the eyes and that He has preserved my eyes. I just need eye drops to relieve the pressure.

During the time of low spirit, you will see that I may not post anything. But one thing I love to receive would be some comments and responses to my blog for those of you who do know how to, do write back! I do receive some emails from you too. All this does encourage me and lift me up.

I am sorry that I still cannot see many visitors. Dr. Menon cautioned us against becoming complacent in the area of immunity.

KNOWING GOD

I want to share this with you. I received this from my dear friend Winnie. Winnie and Michael have become wonderful friends and we love to study the Word of God together. We were actually looking forward to another time of study fellowship in God’s Word. Winnie wrote this some time ago in her journal. She sent it to me to encourage me. I am sure you will be encouraged too.

The thought that God is present everywhere is staggering.
But to be aware of His presence in times of need bring comfort and hope.

The thought that God knows everything is mind boggling.
But to have the confidence that no detail of our lives escape His attention is to enjoy a peace that endures through every trial.

The thought that the Lord is all powerful make us marvel at His greatness.
But to have Him actually work in, through and for us encourages us to relax in His mighty arms.


The thought that God never changes is a reassuring truth.
But to commit ourselves in the care of this never changing One is to know the stability of His faithfulness.

The thought that God is love is wonderful to contemplate.
But to know Him as a loving Redeemer through personal faith in His Son, Jesus Christ brings the joy of sins forgiven.

A song to share

Have been off DEXA for 2 days, you would think I would be happy and finally get some sleep, but it doesn’t work that way. Instead, I wake up feeling very lethargic in the morning when I am not on DEXA. Fatigue sets in quite easily, I overcome this by drinking HTwo-O, sportade to give me some lift or short term bursts of energy. The lethargic feeling makes you feel unable to do very much. Don’t seem to want to do very much, mind isn’t working very hard. Everything is slowed down. Paul said last night I was mumbling a whole lot of things he could not make out. So unfortunately he didn’t get much sleep.
This is one of my “little Off days”.

This song was written for me by Adele’s friend Daniel Lim, who also has a friend with cancer. He has written this song for both of us. (I found out that he is the son of Lim Cheng Siew and Lina. They are actually ex-BKC. Old friends of ours!Isn't it amazing that this young man whom i don't know is actually is actuall the son of old friends. God works in remarkable ways)

I’d like to share it with you.
These are the lyrics.

Carry You

When it feels like you’re walking alone
And the sand on your feet burns
When it’s hard to believe how far you must go
When it’s hard to believe you’re not the only one

When your life’s dry, unstable and broken
And the beat of your weathered heart slows
And it’s tough to know it hurts to be alive
And it pains to know we cry just for you

So remember to rely on He whose footprints are bigger than yours ownself
The burden on your back will never leave you
He will carry you

When you’re thirsty and your soul is hungry
The oasis is out of sight
When it’s hard to see pass the glare in front of you
When you’ve given your all but your all just ain’t enough

So remember to rely on He whose footprints are bigger than yours ownself
The burden on your back will never leave you
He will carry you

So remember to rely on He whose footprints are bigger than yours ownself
The burden on your back will never leave you
He will carry you

Cross the sand
Cross the sand
Cross the sand
Cross the sand to where You are

So remember to rely on He whose footprints are bigger than yours ownself
The burden on your back will never leave you
He will carry you

If he carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
I know my brother that He will carry you
If he carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
I know my sister that He will carry you

God’s Special Blessings

Self update:

I thank GOD for each new morning I can get up by myself. I don’t feel pain on back fractures anymore. PTL. I only feel tightness of the muscles after the T9 and around the rib ends. I do think I am improving by the day. I still diligently observe compulsory bed rest.
I can walk with myself, very slowly with a walking stick. I know my dear friends, you are all wanting to tell to do it slowly and carefully…. Yes I am….
I am taking my meals well and eat slowly…walk around after I eat to aid digestion…. Potatoes are not good..bit too filling… will avoid them… bee hoon, mee sua are good for lunch. I drink a lot of water, juices in the morning. Everyone at home is taking super care of me!!!!

I still depend very much on Melissa Gerald and Russell, sometimes Adele and Andy to help type dictate my Blog. I still cannot sit at the table to type at the computer because my arms and my hands are still very weak, so I don’t sit upright for very long. But I am able to lie down in a rested position to speak out words to all of you. So do not worry that I am over stretching myself as I write t you. My dear friends, I know that you care about everything that I do.

My brother in law – Benno Leusink:

In my earlier I mentioned my brother in law Benno and asked you to pray for him.
Our LORD has helped Benno receive a successful operation, his stomach has been re- constructed and he has responded so well that instead of staying in hospital for 2 to 3 weeks, he has been discharged after a short stay. Now he is home with a feeding tube in his nose and a catheter for urination. Isn’t this wonderful news! An xray showed there is a small leak but the doctors are not worried as it will heal naturally. Please continue to pray along with me for Benno, Lilian and Denise.
They live in Hengelo, The Netherlands 54 Rikahopperstraat

My concern for them is that they do not receive the fellowship of the saints as I have over here and I hope they can soon find some church fellowship as the LORD may lead them into it.

God’s Special Blessings

Daily I receive thoughts, reflections, impressions either through encouragement from friends or from activities around me.
You know I really believe that these are God’s true blessings to me as he places such wonderfuls thoughts in my mind. Instead of allowing my mind to be cluttered with worries about the future, our good LORD gives me everyday something special to reflect on, some kind friend I have fond memories of, and words from the bible that speaks life into me.
These are indeed the true blessings he gives to me my family and my friends, to help us go through this journey. I don’t find myself going through this alone but with my loved ones and friends supporting me I am so blessed. I am so grateful how God is comforting and leading me through each and every day. I know that this special season of checkered pathways leads me to his rest.

When I lay awake in bed, not that I do not want to allow my mind to rest but really the DEXA does keep me quite alert. I am most encouraged when the Holy Spirit just prompts some wonderful thought for me to reflect on. By the next morning, just after breakfast I can jot down some of the most wonderful impressions he leads me to write about. Don’t you agree that these are God’s special blessings to me my dear friends? Praise the LORD!

Benno walking through hospital

Benno with his daughter Denise

Benno at home reading

Me walking about carefully!

Melissa and Andy

Me reading and writing

Precious Thoughts

After receiving the first verse of Precious Thoughts, I yearned to sing all the rest of the verses. I told Woon Chuan and know what… the next Sunday she sent to me the whole hymn together with relevant Bible verses. This is so wonderful and I could sing the hymn myself.

Here are the verses. I hope these will encourage you as much as they encouraged me and lifted me up to praise our Father who knows the best for us.

1.
Precious thought, my Father knoweth [A]
In His love I rest;
For whatever my Father doeth
Must be always best;
Well I know the heart that planneth [B]
Naught but good for me;
Joy and sorrow interwoven,
Love in all I see

2.
Precious thought my Father knoweth
Careth for His child;
Bids me nestle closer to Him,
When the storms beat wild;
Though my earthly hopes are shattered, [C]
And the teardrops fall,
Yet He is Himself my solace,
Yeah my “all in all”.

3
Sweet to tell Him all He knoweth [D]
Roll on Him the care;
Cast upon Himself the burden
That I cannot bear.
Then without a care oppressing,
Simply to lie still,
Giving thanks to Him for all things, [E]
Since it is His will.

4
O to trust Him then more fully, [F]
Just to simply move,
In the conscious, calm enjoyment
Of the Father’s love:
Knowing that life’s chequered pathway [G]
Leadeth to His rest,
Satisfied the way He taketh
Must be always best.

[A]Psalms 131:2
“surely I have come and quieted my soul like a weaned child with his mother…”

[B]Jeremiah 29:11
“I know my plans for you- plans for good, not evil”

[C]Habakkuk 3:17-18
“though the fig tree may not blossom… yet I will rejoice in the LORD I will joy in the God of my salvation”

[D]Psalms 55:22
“Cast your burden on the LORD. And He will sustain you. He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”

[E]1 Thessalonians 5:18
“In everything give thanks this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

[F]Zephaniah 3:17
“The LORD your God in your midst, the Mighty one will save.He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you in his love.He will rejoice over you with singing.”

[G]Job 42:2
“I know that you can do everything. And that no purpose of yours can be withheld from you… “


My reflections on the verses:

Verse 1
God knows what He is doing in my life and He plans good for me. There is joy even in the sorrow I experience and I am surrounded by His love expressed from and through all of you.
Verse 2
He brings me really close to Him during this time, each day He gives me fresh encouragements, new blessings to replenish my soul and my heart. Even if it may seem my earthly hopes are shattered as I lay on the bed and sometimes my tears do fall, He is my “all in all”.
Verse 3
God is faithful to carry all my burdens if I know how to cast them on Him. I am learning to do this day by day, receiving His all sufficient grace day by day - those burdens I cannot bear and should not have to bear. Isaiah 55: 22 “for He will never permit the righteous to be moved” and I need to thank Him for all things… not yet able to, still learning this.
Verse 4
All I need to do is to move along His time and wait on Him and along the way, have the calm enjoyment of His abundant and overflowing love. It will lead me to His rest for the way He taketh “must be always best”.

To conclude, because the Father knoweth His best for me, Philippians 1: 6 is God’s promise to me. “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in me will bring it to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.”
Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Your mercy, O Lord endures forever."
Thank you dear Woon Chuan for sharing these bible verses to me. The words of this hymn are so beautiful but together with these life-giving words of GOD, they are extraordinry. Through this blog, I am very sure that many of my friends will also be encouraged and blessed. Our praise and thanks to our LORD God Almighty, his name is glorified.

GOD’s Character Is Not Diminished

Update on Self

I really thank God for a very good day, I had all my meals, could move around about by myself with the walking stick to the toilet and round the room. The LORD has given me a bit more strength for today I still get enough rest on the bed I still am very obedient to doctor Menon’s strict instruction to have more time to rest.
Thank you for your prayers, we praise and glorify God together.

GOD’s Character Is Not Diminished

On Sunday 17th June, Paul, Gerald and Russell went to Church. Melissa stayed in the hospital with me. When Paul came back, he brought a note from Woon Chuan for me. She scripted the proceedings of the Sunday morning service. I was so happy to receive it. Though I was not present, I could in some way experience the worship of the Lord that you all had together.

The songs sang were:

1. “I must have the Saviour with me… then my soul will fear no ill. Let Him lead where He will. I will go without a murmur and His footsteps follow still.”

2. “Precious thoughts my Father knoweth in His love I rest. For whatever my Father doeth must be always best. Well I know the heart that planneth naught but good for me. Joy and sorrow interwoven , LOVE IN ALL I SEE”

3. “There’s sunshine in my soul today……………….. When Jesus shows His smiling face (in and through all circumstances)

Paul stood up to share:
1. GOD’s Character is not diminished by our circumstances. Yes our GOD is still on the throne.

2. The joy of the Lord is my strength – how is it possible? In a very special way we are experiencing this. We praise God for this!

My heart truly warms up after I read what Woon Chuan wrote of the songs and the sharings. I have joined you all in worshipping our all true and faithful God. He is steadfast, never changing, and same yesterday, today and forever. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Thanks dear Lee Ming for sharing your thoughts and your encouragement.

God’s Ministering Angels

Medical Update

Felt a lot better today. Have regained some of my energy level, was able eat all my meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Could eat slowly and I didn’t have any bloatedness today. I was even strong enough to do one hour with the physiotherapist. I am far more stable than Tuesday and am trusting that the Lord will again give me more and more strength for each day to come. I want to be able to trust Him to overcome every and any challenge I face along the way. Thank you for having me in your thoughts and prayers. I really feel very loved.

God’s Ministering Angels

Today I received a beautiful card from Lauren, Melissa’s principal at Pat’s Schoolhouse. I want to express my thanks to Lauren and all the teachers for their love, support, generosity and compassion towards Melissa as she has been busy with me. I would like to share with you the poem Lauren selected for me.

“May God’s angels greet you every morning,
And guide you throughout the night,
May they comfort all your sorrows,
And help you win the fight.
May they keep watch over your soul,
And show you God’s perfect way,
May they guard you while you’re sleeping,
And see you through your day.
May they calm your every fear,
And hear you when you shout,
May they show you bright new hopes,
And still your every doubt.”

When I read this card, especially the line that says “may they guard you while you’re sleeping”, I was reminded of that one night at Gleneagles when I felt the presence of a light shadow on the left side of my bed just speaking instructions over me and to others. I can’t exactly remember what was said but I remember this: Press out all the toxins from your limbs, rub it all away. I became more conscious of this and I began to rub down my limbs. I made so much movement that Gerald, who was with me that night woke up and asked me what was happening. I turned to the right and asked him, “Who are you?” It gave him a little scare but he told me he was Gerald. I told him what I sensed and asked him to help me rub my limbs. I asked him if he knew what was happening and he said that God’s angels are protecting you.
I really have so little understanding of how God sends His angels to minister to me and to others who are in such needs. I still have a lot, a lot to learn how God comes around to comfort us and to lift us up. My mental mind cannot understand but I pray that the Lord will help the spirit that is in me to appreciate how He cares for me.

Lee Meng’s visit

I am so glad to finally get some private moments with my dear sister Lee Meng. But because I was still tired I was in bed the whole time talking to her. I am so encouraged and uplifted by her sharing and her comfort to me. She shared so much with me but I just can’t pen them down. So my dear Lee Meng, please write your sharing in this blog. I will be so happy to share it with others too.

A Bad Day

Yesterday, 26th June was a very bad day for me. Woke up quite refreshed, had my breakfast but as noon approached, I felt very weak. I was very nauseous and I just couldn’t eat my lunch. My eyes started to react very badly to the light around me. The glare of the light affected me and I just could not bear to open my eyes. Earlier days, I could even read fine print but today my eyes couldn’t focus on small words. I realized that I cannot strain my eyes with reading now. I must know my limitations. I was in great discomfort the whole afternoon and fatigue set in quite rapidly. I lay down in bed with all the curtains drawn and mostly in darkness. This episode did scare me quite a bit. But I know that Paul sent out a rapid prayer request to some of you and I know our merciful God was with me throughout this time even though it was really difficult for me to feel His presence.
By late afternoon, Dr Menon came to check on me. When it was dinner time I was able to eat some porridge. This helped greatly and gave me back some energy. Unfortunately, I soon became very bloated and this affected my breathing because it pushes my diaphragm up my chest. Not being able to breathe adequately is a very scary thing. I shall not be writing too much as I am still too weak and tired. But I value your prayers for me that the Lord will again strengthen me. Pray also for His protection over my eyes. Thank you my dear friends.

Melissa writes:

Yesterday was the first time that I actually felt quite distressed and lost my cool. Have you ever felt total helplessness while watching someone you love so much suffer? I think I’m learning that we really have to take each day as it comes and commit that day to God each morning, to be grateful for it.
I do feel that through this, our family has come closer. Everyone plays their part to look after my mum and we all hurt in our own way but we do know that God will see us through. He has made my mum and knows her body inside out. We really need to entrust her to God.
When I was young, I struggled with loving God more than my parents. This is probably because I could feel my parents’ physical love. I used to pray that God would teach me to love Him more and I guess He has in many ways. I know that what God has created, He will take care of. We are not in control of situations. God is Sovereign.
I guess I would ask myself: am I willing to surrender my mummy to the Lord? I used to gripe to my mum (as all children probably do) that she has to let go of me. Now I realize that it’s not just parents who want so much for their children but even children want everything to be perfect for their parents. I too, as a child, have to surrender her to God - that God will watch over His beloved creation.
I really wish that everything could be fine and dandy but what I see as perfection is not necessarily God’s best for us. I’m learning again to open both hands and lift them to God.

Paul writes:

I really thank God I can call immediately on some of you to pray and intercede urgently for us. Knowing that we are not alone in praying and crying out to God comforts us in ways that is not easy to express. In situations like this – I am already preoccupied with tending to Li Leng’s immediate needs and so it does mean a lot to both of us to know that you are interceding for us. Rom 12:5 comes alive.

My Reflections

First, a quick medical update

Thankfully I am now able to get about 2 hours and another 2 hours to sleep during the night and in between I will just quietly rest and do some stretching of my limbs. Today the Dexa gave me some vision problems, I couldn’t focus well and had a hard time reading words from the Bible. I stopped to rest and closed my eyes, shut out all the lights and placed a light cool towel over my eyes to relieve the tension. That was helpful. A light tension headache built up from the neck to the scalp but the nice gentle rub down from Paul was all I needed!
Hopefully I am adjusting towards the Dexa regiment. This week I shall be at home with only one visit from Doris to help flush and change the dressing for the Hickman. We are really very thankful to Doris for being willing to come to help me. Otherwise I would have to go to the hospital. Not having to travel from the home for the next ten days means that I will have the maximum opportunity to recuperate my spine. Doctor Menon would be very happy to know that I am strictly adhering to his instruction to lay prone.
I shall be having two physiotherapy sessions this week, one which started today at 4.30pm. We have scheduled it to be on Mondays and Thursdays at 10am. Hopefully the physio will further strengthen my back and limbs. The cramps at my sides are still a bit of a bother and T9 sometimes is sensitive.
Overall I am eating well for all my meals and have double-boiled soup to strengthen me.

My Mentor and my reflections

You know how much I really enjoy writing, so I’ve got to write something today.
Some five years back, I remember going up very boldly to my mentor and said that I would like her to be my mentor, someone whom I can be accountable for with regards to my spiritual walk with the Lord. This took place after a teaching session that Jim Chew conducted in BKC on ----------- (I cannot remember). He emphasized the importance of accountability that we should be able to look to someone who loves us enough who would want to watch out for our spiritual wellbeing. After praying and committing it to the Lord, I took the opportunity at the break time to talk to my then would be mentor. This must be the most impossible act I could ever imagine doing. You see, for many years I have been a full time career person and I had on many occasions played this “hide and seek” game with this lady who has strong convictions about full-time working mothers. I usually respond with courteous replies but not very heartfelt.
As a fulltime career mum and wife, I have always loved my work and I enjoy the mental stimulation I get from interacting with my colleagues. I love to get into meetings where problems were posed and felt tremendous satisfaction that resolutions could be found.
I worked for many years (12) and had short breaks when the children were young – 3 years in KL, 2 years home in Singapore and another 4years when they were teenagers. It was in the last seven years that I stopped work for good and it was the best decision I had ever made. I now really had my mind totally freed to devote on matters that really have true meaning in my life. My children were growing up fast and I wanted to have time to get to know them better. I eased into a slow and comfortable life – picked up 2 years of organ lessons, started to have weekly tennis routine and most importantly, signed up for BSF. Praise the Lord! I got called up for BSF just a month after the new term started. I had the most wonderful group of all new BSF-ers led by a kindly lady by the name of Grace Seow. She was very clear at the upfront that BSF is a discipline and commitment that one must be willing to set aside time to receive the maximum benefits.

During this time, my involvement in Church also increased with more time devoted to KSS. The Lord was very good. He brought alongside to me friends who had also stopped working and we started to form strong bonds of friendship. With some, I walked at the Botanics and we shared God’s Words of encouragement one to another. Soon another sister joined this group of non-working mothers; I have been so blessed by the numerous new friends I made since I stopped work. Life became less centered on ourselves but on others.
Throughout these last few years, my relationship with my mentor grew. It wasn’t one where we had to meet and do Bible study etc. but rather that, there were many occasions we could just sit together, pray together and she seems to know so much – where my heart was leading me. I look at her life and her devotion to the Lord and to His Word that I just want to learn so much from her. Our relationship has grown and I am very comfortable sharing with her the desires of my heart, where I see God is leading me and how much I want to have my own family be devoted and loving our Lord.
I truly value this precious relationship that God has blessed me with. Praise the Lord!