a Paris

18 Juni
Nous arrivons CDG Paris mardi a vingt et un heures. Nous prendons en taxi a l'appartement. L'immeuble est de 7 le rue Chalgrin. Il est pres de l'Arc de triomphe. L'appartement est au quartrieme etage. Il y a deux chambres et une salle de bains et la cuisine est au bout du couloir. Le grand sejour est a droit de l'entree. Il y a clair et calme. Nous aimons beacoup.

Aujourd'hui, nous prenons le metro a le Musee du Louvre. Oo, la la! Il est grand et trop de tourists. Paul et moi, nous avons monte quarte etages et nous avons vu la pienture Mona Lisa. Elle est magnifique!

Pour le diner, nous sommes alles au restaurant Corsican - la Villa Corse a 141, Avenue de Malakoft. J'ai mange veal steu et Paul, il a choisi bifsteak.

Bon nuit!

A Lazy Day

Paul is away since Tuesday and will be back on Saturday. Naturally he is concerned with how I will be during his absence. Well… I have arranged to have some friends come over.... this way, he won’t be too worried. Actually I think I can manage on my own and should not be lonely…but I am sure my friends would love to have time to be with me.

The day started with a drive to Simply Bread for our breakfast. As usual I had “Everything”, the full work of turkey, bacon, cheese, tomato, lettuce etc. We nipped into Cold Storage to pick up organic self raising flour (for baking scones in the afternoon). Got home and we stretched out on the sofas in the patio and we started to knit. Since I picked up knitting in December, LM and Ir have also picked the knitting needles. They don’t have as much time as I do but they are progressing well. See photo, don’t we look great. I am sure my sister Lilian is very proud to see this.

It was a really lazy afternoon, we just sat on the comfy sofa and knitted the hours away, stopping at around 3 pm to quick bake some yummy scones for tea; to go with freshly whipped cream and strawberry jam. It is not surprising that I have gained 5 kg since December, well I lost 6kg last year, so at most I have just one more kg to go. At the rate I am eating and the wonderful food my friends bring (especially our dear Helen M), I am afraid I will easily bust my weight. Really, really, I am so thankful that I can eat and taste and enjoy my food. Praise the LORD!

A Year Later

Finally I got to meet up with the BSF ladies of one year ago. These ladies had wanted to see me last year but I was really in a bad shape then. Nonetheless they kept sending me encouraging SMS, cards etc. and now that the BSF is having its mid-year break, these ladies immediately asked to visit.

We had a blessed time of fellowship, praising the LORD for His faithfulness and grace. I am very happy to see that everyone is well and faithfully serving the LORD either at BSF or in church. I was asked… Are you eating well? Sleeping? They were delighted to see me enjoying the meal of bee hoon and yam cake. It was certainly more heart-warming to see me in person and relishing every bite of food than just reading about me. Yes, I must try, where possible to meet those friends whom I have not seen for a long time.

Cancer Warrior

I am very encouraged by this recently diagnosed cancer “warrior”, she wrote in her blog, “Like battle scars, which are nothing to be ashamed of, a bald head means I am fighting the cancer and glad to be alive!” There is a certain courage in her and I know this is from the LORD, the inner strength that allows her to face each day, that moves her to get into the car and drive to hospital for her treatment. Some of the procedures she has to receive are not pleasant. As she recounted of the canula that was pierced into her vein so that anti-cancer drugs are infused, I remembered the time when after a few months of infusions, the nurse could not find a strong vein, the veins on both my hands were moving and too soft, between the doctor and the nurse, they had to pierce me three times before the canula could be inserted (ouch and double ouch!).

Yes, I am glad to be alive! I am thankful that there are fellow “warriors” to encourage one another on in the rather difficult journeys we each have to walk. Look at the photo. It was a picnic on Vesak day at the Botanics. From the photo you would not know but there are three with cancer and one with aneurysm. Our friends have organized a picnic for us. We had a lovely morning, walking the gardens at the Botanics and enjoying the delicious bee hoon, pau, carrot cake etc. Our brother KJ though unsteady in his legs, was able to strum the guitar as we sang songs of praise and hymns. Our dear friends made special efforts to ensure our comfort; they brought foldable picnic chairs for us to sit on. We are definitely not alone in our “journey”, our dear friends are with us, cheering us on each step of the way! Praise the LORD for this big family that we are a part of. Thank you, D, S, LM, SL, A, W, M and of course, our dearest spouses.

Quick Medical Update

Paul writes: On May 7th, Li Leng had her usual monthly treatment and blood tests. The M-band is now 8. The doctor has advised doubling of her weekly maintenance and so from May 19th, Li Leng will be taking this dose on Mondays and Thursdays. In addition to the prayer requested at the last posting, please do pray along with us that she can tolerate the increased dosage and for the M-band to come down. We are praying to be well enough to attend the church camp in June and the council retreat in July. All thanks and praise to our LORD who sustains us and give us life.

Medical Update

Paul writes:

We have not updated this for quite a while and thought this might be a good time to do so. Li Leng completed the targeted therapy and radiotherapy on December 3rd and since then she had been on a lighter regimen of maintenance. This allowed her to recover her strength and by God’s grace, she has been able to resume a number of activities albeit at a more leisurely pace.

On April 9th, after our return from a short break in Kyushu, she had a bone marrow aspiration done. The results are very encouraging. The average percentage of plasma cells in the marrow is now 4% - down from 44% when this was first done in June 2007. Flow cytometry showed that plasma cells is 3.4%. Below 5% is considered remission if the M-band is also zero. The cytogenetics report and FISH results are also good with no abnormalities seen in the chromosomes. Dr. Gerrard Teoh is pleased with this and remarked that this is a 50 to 60 fold improvement.

Unfortunately, the M-band is still there and is reading at 6.7. Also, from the bone marrow, some degree of dysplastic cells were also seen. These are abnormal cells. This condition is known as myelodysplastic syndrome. However, the FISH report did not detect this and so we hope that this condition will go away with some light treatment.

The treatment regimen has also changed and consists of weekly medication taken orally and a monthly IV injection. Dr. Teoh is hoping that Li Leng’s own immune system will strengthen to take over the fight against this disease.

Please pray along with us.
Thanksgiving for good results from the bone marrow aspiration and for daily strength and mobility.
Strengthen the immune system.
Restore the function of bone marrow to produce normal cells – red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets.
Protection of bones and strengthening of muscles especially the neck and back muscles. Protection against infection.
Relief from pain. This is always there and Li Leng has to take pain killers once or twice a week.

We are very grateful to all our friends who continue to stand by our side and pray for us. We are very thankful to our loving GOD for sustaining us all this time.

Praise the LORD, all of us, extol Him. For great is His love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD. (Adapted from Psalm 117).

Many Questions, No Answers

It was 4am and I had to answer nature’s call. Paul still wake up every time I do, just to make sure I am OK and not trip in the bathroom, he is such a precious dear, always watching over me. However quietly I tip-toed out of the bed, he somehow can hear me. As we settled back into bed, I laid there thinking and after some minutes, I turned to Paul and softly said… “I still have questions and no answers…How…” After several seconds, he replied, “the psalmist said in 73…I try to understand, until I enter His sanctuary…” Paul did not elaborate and turned back to sleep. I quietly meditated on these words…enter GOD’s sanctuary…. instead of thinking over my questions. My thoughts also went to the grieving mothers of Thaddeus, Capt. Ho and Russell Koh (the 8 year old boy in the mini bus accident). They would have many questions and there is no perfect answer.

What is in Psalm 73?
The struggles of human kind;
Those burdens common to man;
But the irony is that the wicked and the godless are not plagued by human ills (so says Asaph)
They become proud, callous, conceited and arrogant.
They are carefree.
The psalmist on the other hand, felt plagued all day long and punished every morning.
His foot had almost slipped and he nearly lost his foothold.
He tried to understand, and it was oppressive to him;
Until he entered the sanctuary of GOD.
Then he understood their final destiny.

Though this psalm does not specifically relate to my questions and these are not the issues that are presently on my heart, it tells me one thing…we need to enter the sanctuary of GOD to find peace if not answers. And when grief and sorrow overwhelm, when “my flesh and my heart may fall, GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” How does one stay courageous and be strong; and when no one can give you an answer. Enter into the sanctuary of GOD.

Charles Spurgeon said this –
“It is well to make sure of what we do know, for this will be good anchor-hold for us when we are molested by those mysterious storms which arise from things which we do not understand. Whatever may or may not be the truth about mysterious and inscrutable things, there are certainties somewhere; experience has placed some tangible facts within our grasp; let us, then, cling to these, and they will prevent our being carried away by those hurricanes of infidelity which still come from the wilderness, and, like whirlwinds, smite the four corners of our house and threaten to overthrow it. O my GOD, however perplexed I may be, let me never think ill of thee. If I cannot understand thee, let me never cease to believe thee. It must be so, it cannot be otherwise, thou art good to those whom thou hast made good; and where thou hast renewed the heart thou will not leave it to its enemies.”

Enter into His sanctuary …. remember and recall GOD’s past faithfulness – these are the certainties, these are the tangible facts. Cling to them; they will protect us from falling and failing. And look forward to GOD’s future grace, it will give us hope. May we pray this same prayer (above) for GOD will never leave us nor forsake us. Amen

Orange Scarf

I have been knitting, knitting and knitting. I am so thankful to my sister, Lilian for teaching me how to knit after I completed my radiotherapy in December. Since then I have been able to knit several neck scarves and shawls. I really enjoy doing this because it keeps me active in a productive way. It has been good therapy for my fingers. I have been so enthusiastic about this craft that my friends have been buying and bringing me beautiful yarns. Dear LM came back from Paris with a bagful of exquisite yarns! I am also very happy and joyful to be able to give away the scarves and shawls that I knit.

It was a special privilege for me to give an orange scarf to Deborah-Mae. (see photo: Deborah Mae with scarf, Judith de Silva, accompanies on guitar, Woon Chuan and I), You may remember last October I wrote in my blog, how Deborah’s CDs helped me to sleep etc. Mid of April this year, Deborah-Mae was invited by our Ladies Group to sing at our Easter meeting. It was a really wonderful and precious time of sharing the message of resurrection by our dear sister. I brought along an orange scarf which I had spent 2 weeks knitting. At the start of the meeting I asked Woon Chuan, chairman of the Ladies Group, if it was possible for me to present something to DM as I am really thankful to her for blessing me with her singing. I am so glad to have the opportunity to express my gratitude in this way. Praise the LORD for this sister with this special gift of song.

THANK YOU, DEBORAH-MAE

I am so thankful to you for the songs you sing. I have been so blessed and ministered by your singing. Woon Chuan has shared with you how sick I was and many times I was downcast and disheartened. In such a state it was very difficult to come into the LORD’s presence, the pain and fatigue kept my mind on my physical condition. But your singing has drawn me to fix my eyes on Jesus and to assure me of GOD’s bountiful grace and compassion. It reminded me to “Rejoice in the LORD”, He never moves without purpose or plan and He makes no mistake. It helped me to look at the cross and caused me to bow to the will of the Master. It gave me peace. Many nights I played your CDs to help me sleep and yes, the LORD grants sleep to His beloved. I even brought your CD to play along when I had to undergo MRI which took one and half hour, I was claustrophobic due to a previous painful experience.
Thank you, Deborah-Mae. May the LORD continue to use your singing to draw many people to Himself and many to receive assurance of faith, new abundant life, promise of peace, the love of our heavenly Father for His children and love of the Creator for those who do not know Him. I pray that “our God may count you worthy of His calling, and that by His power He may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith…. And pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.” 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12

Kyushu

We’re back! Thanks for your prayers for us. Indeed the LORD has sustained us through the entire trip and brought us safely home. It was really a wonderful and refreshing time for Paul, Russell and I. So glad that we decided to go for it. Paul was hesitant in the beginning and was not sure if I could make it and was worried about the 6 hours flight there and whether I could sit in the car for hours as we had to move from city to city. But yes, all went well!

The flight was not that comfortable because it was at 1 am and that we could not get to sleep on the plane. Nevertheless we were able to get into the hotel rooms when we arrived at 9.30am (check-in time for hotels are from 2pm). We thank the LORD for this provision. We got to rest in the morning. The first day was light and easy; we had lunch of “ramen” the famous white broth noodle of Kyushu, walked around the Canal city and an early dinner at 5pm. It was a very delicious authentic Japanese “kaiseki”. The next morning, after a good night rest, we went off to Sasebo city – 2 hours drive but we made several stops along the expressway to have lunch and stretch our legs. The GPS navigation system is in Japanese but between Paul and Russell, they could easily follow the directions and got us to our destination in good time. Huis ten Bosch is in Sasebo city and it is a little “Holland” in Japan. Apparently it is a theme park attraction and many Japanese like to visit this place. For us, since we have been to Holland many times (my sister lives there), it was rather like a ….theme park with all the shows…. We had a nice little cottage by a lake, so we enjoyed making little walks around and did not go for all the attractions and shows except for one, the magic of Escher – he is a Dutch artist is well-known for his 3-D dimension drawings.

After 2 nights at Huis ten Bosch, we set off for Mt. Aso which is at centre of Kyushu. Sasebo is at the west. We had wanted to see cherry blossom and from the road map, decided to drive via Takeo but within the city itself we could not locate the park and moved off to the expressway for Mt. Aso. As we approached Mt. Aso we could smell the suphur in the air. The landscape of a volcanic caldera is expansive and brown, it was fascinating as we drove on the winding mountainous roads, some parts just brown, dry, grasslands and some parts - black volcanic soil. The next morning after another very good night sleep (praise the LORD), we set off for the volcano, it is still active. It was a fine, sunny day, so we could drive all the way up the volcano crater. It was cold and windy but the sun was out. We had a good view of the smoke coming out of the crater, right at the centre of the crater, like a lake, it was green… lava sulphur. After that, we drove down southward within the Mt Aso area, we went to an art museum – the artist himself was there – he draws with prosthetic hands, really incredible. His art is done with calligraphic brush.

Next day we drove northward, about 40 minutes to Kurokawa onsen (hot spring) town. It is really a very charming place, has a population of 600 people and 24 “ryokans” (traditional Japanese inns). The ryokans are mostly within walking distance from one another and onsens are baths open for public bathing – the water comes from hot springs – they are very, very hot. A very interesting Japanese ritual, one has to bath first before stepping into the hot spring. I am so grateful to the LORD for enabling me to go into the onsens by myself – male and female baths are separated. We went to Yamamizuki on the first afternoon – it is an onsen by the river. The next afternoon we tried Shinmeikan, a cave onsen. We stayed for 2 nights at Kiyashiki. This ryokan is set by the hillside and the mountain scenery is beautiful. Paul and I slept in western-styled beds whereas Russell slept on Japanese tatami. The meals at this ryokan were delicious and a sight to behold – such delicate portions placed in beautiful lacquer ware.

We have come to the end of our trip and headed back to Fukuoka for the night. On the way we were recommended to go via Kumamoto to see cherry blossoms at the Kumamoto castle. Oh… this is the highlight of our trip; no one should miss seeing the cherry blossoms in spring. The Japanese themselves go to picnic at the castle grounds just to appreciate the beautiful cherry blossoms. We also got to see the inside of the castle…praise the LORD… I could go up each of the 6 levels and at each level; there were displays of samurai artifacts. We managed to make it back to the hotel by 5pm. On the whole, this driving holiday in Kyushu has the right combination of sightseeing and rest; it was not one of those rushing around from place to place but really a leisurely and refreshing trip. On the whole I could do almost everything I should want to do on a holiday; I didn’t feel like I missed out on anything. Truly the LORD gave me the strength for each day. Thank you for upholding us in prayers!

addendum to Milestones

I have to recount this and write it down, else I will forget.
Yesterday 27th March, I wrote in my blog, Milestones. I woke up early and went down to the study to write. I knew in my heart I had to write because for many days I had been trying to put my thoughts down, opened my laptop many, many times, started writing but could not get beyond two sentences. I was getting rather exasperated with myself. But yesterday it was different. I believe it is the Holy Spirit’s leading. I wanted to start the 27th March’s blog Milestones, with my praise to the LORD. I took out my bible and turned to the Psalms. My eyes scanned through most of the psalms from the beginning to the end and it rested on Psalm 146. My heart and my soul and my spirit together rejoiced on reading this particular praise – “Praise the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul. I will praise the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my GOD as long as I live.” It really describes how I grateful I am to the LORD for sustaining me through this journey and the gladness He has put in my heart.

Those of you, who use the Our Daily Bread, will know that Psalm 146 is the ODB’s devotional reading for the day 27th March 2008. I did not realize this until much later in the day when Paul and I did our daily quiet time together. We have been doing ODB together ever since I became sick and needed help to go to the word of GOD. Paul is the one to refer to ODB and read the Bible. When he read the passage from Psalm 146, I became conscious that the words sounded familiar, I asked Paul to read it again and it dawned on me that it is the very same psalm I referred to in my writing Milestones, some hours earlier. Wow, I just cannot explain this “coincidence” because it is not. How should I describe this incident, this experience, I don’t even know what to call it. But I do know this… the LORD GOD is very much present in my life. What can I say except to praise Him – the Holy Spirit has prompted and led me to this particularly beautiful psalm of praise and reminded me that the GOD whom I acknowledge as LORD, is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them – the LORD, who remains faithful forever. He is the faithful One and my hope is in Him. Amen

Milestones

Praise the LORD, O my soul.

I will praise the LORD all my life;
I will sing praise to my GOD as long as I live.

Blessed is he whose help is the GOD of Jacob,
whose hope is in the LORD his GOD,
the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea and everything in them –
the LORD, who remains faithful forever.

Psalm 146:1-2, 5-6

Milestone 1 – Driving
Last Thursday was the first time I drove after 11 months. Praise the LORD. Isn’t it wonderful! See how much I have progressed! I am usually better on Thursday (day after I take the weekly dexa, feels stronger with less pain and fatigue) Paul and I went to walk at Labrador Park and I felt able to try driving and I did…drove all the way home via the AYE.. of course with much care and caution. Driving will be the start of my attempt to being less dependent. Since then I haven’t driven as my physical condition on other days are not as good. So Thursdays will the days to drive! At least I can try once every week.

Milestone 2 – Birthday
The LORD is so good to enable me to reach my 53rd birthday! I had a wonderful time with my 3 friends – B, LY and SK – they brought a cake to my home. As always, B whose birthday is 4 days before mine – we celebrate together. Paul and children took me out for a sumptuous Italian dinner at Valentino. It is really wonderful to enjoy the food as my tastebuds is back to normal and I am eating well now, so much so that I have gained some weight…but at the wrong places.

Milestone 3 – Wedding
Melissa and Andy got married on Saturday! Isn’t the LORD so good! I was able to be present at their wedding. My heart rejoices to see how my daughter has matured to be a lovely bride and especially when she stood on stage to declare the graciousness and faithfulness of our LORD. The hymns selected for the solemnization service were beautiful – the love of GOD and the peace of GOD.

O the love that sought me!
O the blood that bought me!
O the grace that brought me to the fold,
Wondrous grace that brought me to the fold.

Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest.
Finding as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

Milestone 4 – Kysushu
Paul, Russell and I have planned a one week trip to Kyushu. We are trusting the LORD to grant strength for each day and to make the 6 hours flight. I am really looking forward to having a break with Paul and Russell. It will be a slow and easy drive around Kyushu and staying two days at each location so that I get enough rest in between places. Leaving on 29th March Saturday and returning on 6th April Sunday. We will need you to pray for us – for the LORD’s protection over our coming and going (Psalm 121).

Medical update
Generally there has been improvement in my physical condition. I am eating better - all types of food are enjoyed greatly. I am sleeping better - there are nights when I don’t even wake up in between, I sleep through till morning, how wonderful! I am able to stay upright longer and my rests in the afternoons do not always have to be in the bed. My front and back still tightens and aches when I am upright after some hours and I still need to rest. The peripheral neuropathy in my hands has improved greatly and for my feet, it’s only the toes that are still a bit numb.
The blood test result shows I am stable, M-band is at 6 and that is not too bad! April 10, I will go back to have a bone marrow biopsy and bone density test. My trust is fully in the LORD.

Isn’t the LORD wonderful to sustain me and give me strength day by day, week by week and month by month! He is upholding me with His righteous right hand! Praise be to GOD, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld His love from me! Psalm 66:20

Stand Firm

I subscribe to a monthly pamphlet “The Banner of Truth” and in the March issue, Peter Barnes explained the existence of evil in the world. He pointed to the parable of the weeds where Jesus lamented “An enemy has done this.” Matthew 13:39. This present life is a battleground; it is an assault on Christ and His people. In the parable when the servants asked the owner of the field, if they should go and pull them (the weeds) out, the owner said, no. “Let them grow together until the harvest.” Jesus when He comes again, at “harvest time”, He will separate the weeds from the wheat. In the meantime, evil exists alongside good.

We are living in this present world and we, as children of GOD have entered into the kingdom of light but the kingdom of darkness is very much alive and real. As Christians, we are ultimately secure in Christ but that does not guarantee us freedom from the wiles of the evil one. Peter, the apostle was tested many times; he was sifted like wheat, Luke 22:31-32. Just as the LORD prayed for Peter, Jesus will intercede for us and He will protect us from evil and He will deliver us from evil. “But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” Let us live with victory in our hearts, for all battles – whatever temptations, whatever trials – we face them and fight them with strength from the LORD. At the end of the day, what matters most is whether we are able to stand firm in our faith in the midst of a world with evil and good existing side by side. Peter denied Christ three times, he was tested and he fell. But our LORD knew Peter would overcome and his faith would not fail. One thing the LORD asked of Peter, that when he finally stood firm in his faith, Peter was to strengthen the faith of his brethren.

This is the good purpose of our lives on earth, that we remain steadfast in our faith.
“The righteous will live by his faith.” Habakkuk 2:4
As we undergo tests and trials, and our faith is being tried, we know for certain that the LORD Jesus will intercede for us, as He did for Peter; “the LORD our GOD Himself will cross over ahead of us”. We just need to “be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your GOD goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

We are reminded to pray as the LORD Jesus taught His disciples how to pray – “and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen” Matthew 6:13
The reality of evil in this present world is indisputable. What are we taught to do? Pray and Believe.
Pray for strength to overcome and be steadfast in faith.
Believe that we are already in the kingdom of light…”for thine is the kingdom’…and there is “power’ to overcome and be victorious … and all things we do, the life we live, we do it for “the glory’ of GOD.

The devil was originally created by GOD, he is a fallen angel and he “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” 1 Peter 5:8. H.L. Ellison says this - he is ‘a rebel to whom GOD gives as much rope as will glorify His name.’ Our Almighty GOD is in control. In the book of Job, he can only touch Job only to the extent that GOD allows.
So what does Peter, the apostle teach us to do? He, whose faith was tested and tried. “Be self-controlled and alert...resist him, standing firm in the faith…And the GOD of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:8,9,10
This is GOD’s promise to us to overcome and to stand firm in our faith, for the LORD is a gracious GOD for it is Himself who uphold us and make us strong.

This is our heritage and our authority.
“See, it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc; no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me.” Isaiah 54:11
“He (the Holy Spirit) who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4

Just as Peter was instructed by the LORD as his faith became stronger, we too must strengthen our brethren. May the LORD grant to us His grace to do His good will, in His power and for His glory.

Praying Mothers

Dear Praying Mothers of BKC,

I really want take this opportunity to earnestly encourage you to continue to gather every 2nd Friday of every month. This group started in 2005 first as Praying Mothers then as Praying Wives, is doing something that is surely pleasing to the LORD, surely this must be the LORD’s will for us, that is to intercede for our children and husbands. It is good to gather and pray with one another. Together we can help one another and with the LORD’s guidance to be the parent (the wife), He wants us to be. We beseech the LORD to teach us and help us intercede for the life of our children and increase our faith to believe for all things the LORD has and will put in our hearts to pray for our children.
I share this verse with you – this was written on the margin of my bible on 17/1/2005 – that our faith be growing more and more and the love every one of us has for each other be increasing – that we be worthy of the kingdom of GOD – “that our GOD may count us worthy of His calling, and that by His power He may fulfill every good purpose of ours and every act prompted by our faith.” 2 Thess 1:11
May this act of coming together, prompted by our faith, receive His blessing and favour, that He may shine His face upon our children and our children’s children, for generations to come. This is promised in Psalm 103:17-18 “But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear Him, and His righteousness with their children’s children – with those who keep His covenant and remember to obey His precepts.” The LORD wants to bless the generations to come at BKC, let us lift up our children for His blessings. Jeremiah in the book of Lamentations entreated the people to cry to the LORD – “The hearts of the people cry to the LORD… let your tears flow like a river day and night… pour out your heart like water in the presence of the LORD. Lift up your hands to Him for the lives of your children.”Lamentations 2:18,19
We beseech the LORD –
• To help our children to grow into a deep understanding of who the LORD is
• To let them acknowledge the LORD in every area of their lives and choose always to follow Him
• That they may have spiritual understanding and walk in a manner that is pleasing to the LORD
• That they may not doubt and stray from the path the LORD has for them all the days of their lives.
• “Teach them your way, O LORD; and they may walk in your truth; give them an undivided heart that they may fear your name, they may praise you, O LORD, with all their heart; they may glorify your name forever.” Psalm 86:11-12
There are so much more from the word of GOD that we can pray for our children. Let us come together and build on this habit to intercede. (To my non-BKC friends who are mothers, start your own praying mothers group)

“For I will pour water on the thirsty land,
and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,
and my blessing on your descendants.
They will spring up like grass in a meadow,
like poplar trees by flowing streams.
One will say, 'I belong to the LORD ';
another will call himself by the name of Jacob;
still another will write on his hand, 'The LORD's,'
and will take the name Israel.” Isaiah 44:3-5

Let us thirst for the LORD’s blessing on our children that they may spring up like poplar trees and declare that they belong to the LORD - "The LORD's"

Medical Update

I am doing well generally – can taste my food now, thank GOD, it is really wonderful that I can differentiate the foods I eat and I don’t find Chinese food nauseating anymore. Still can’t take spicy food. I cannot sit for a long time at the table to eat, so it is like eating fast food, eat quickly and move. Sitting long at one position is not very comfortable.
I have less pain in my back. But there are days when the pain can be bad and I get rather tired, then I have to stay in bed longer. The muscle in my front crams up and it radiates to the back. In one week, there may be one or two “bad” days; this is really a great improvement from two months ago when the pain was more frequent. I still have this feeling of carrying a "light" bowling ball in the centre of my body. The muscles in my front and back have to be re-trained to balance and carry my spinal column.
My head at the back between my ears has a “dense” sensation, a bit deaf in the left ear. This denseness makes me feel I am in a daze and affects my concentration. This is probably caused by the radiotherapy done to the neck area. Because I can’t hear so well I have a tendency to raise my voice when I talk.
The peripheral neuropathy is still in hands and feet, the tightness and swollen feeling affect my sleep but most of the time after I wake up, I do go back to sleep again. So I get enough rest most nights except on “dexa” night which is once a week. Dexa causes wakefulness. On that night I am not be able to sleep till 4am (once till 6) but I wake up later at around 9 am and that is still good enough rest for the next day.

On the whole I have much to be thankful to our LORD for He is strengthening me day by day and I need to be patient to allow my body to recover. The M-band is at 4 (reading was taken on 10th Jan) but the doctor said my condition is stable. We continue to seek for GOD’s grace to grant healing in accordance with His good purpose and in His time. I will have to do a bone marrow biopsy in Feb or Mar, this is to check on the condition of the plasma cells – that there is no re-cloning to something else. I will go for another check up after Chinese New Year.

Thank you for upholding us in prayers.

Pray:
# thank GOD for His strengthening
# relief from tensed muscles
# dense feeling in head
# hands and feet - neuropathy
# stronger immune system

Psalm 31:14, 15a, 24
“But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, ‘You are my GOD.’ My times are in your hands,…Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.”

A Canopy Walk

Taking walks is so much a part of my day, in doing so Paul and I have found many beautiful parts of Singapore. We must share this with you. Last Saturday we went to Kent Ridge Park. We have done this many times but I mostly do the flat terrain which is a small part overlooking the western harbour front of Singapore. But I have become stronger, praise the LORD and I am more prepared to walk slopes. This time we walked further inward towards the wooded area, it was very pleasant and breezy. As I walked down the slopes I was very conscious that I would have to walk up again somewhere else. We walked slowly. We rounded the end, and came across a signage that pointed to a Canopy walk to Bukit Chandu.

Last year, before I fell ill, Gerald, Russell, Paul and I visited the WW2 museum at Bukit Chandu. It is a well appointed museum with lots of visual and interactive effects. Bukit Chandu is on Pepys Road off Pasir Panjang Road. When I saw the sign at Kent Ridge that leads to Bukit Chandu, I thought that it was a long walk and was not sure if I could do it. We stood at the start point and asked someone who had just walked back how far it was to Bukit Chandu (only 5 minutes). Even if he was a fast walker, we gauged that for me I may take 15 minutes. We walked. It was a most delightful walk; indeed we were at the canopy level of the trees and had a marvelous view across the western sector of Singapore. How wonderful it is to be able to enjoy the beautiful creation around us. Here are some pictures.

Let us take time to appreciate what our eyes can see, what our hands can touch, the fresh air we breathe, when our ears hear the chirping of the birds and when we can taste sweetness of the crunchy apple.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made the all.

Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colours
He made their tiny wings.

He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell,
How great is God Almighty,
Who hath done all things well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLeq2vj9kcA

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

This is a most beautiful hymn - the words speak of the wonderful love of GOD, how He will not and will never let us go. His love will search us out and take us back to Him, however hard we struggle and we rebel against His ways and His perfect will for us. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we expect and we find it difficult to accept the situation we are in. Several times in the earlier months, when I received bad news like when the M-band went up, I struggled and I “complained” – why the LORD is taking a long time to restore me: I cried; but I thank the LORD that I felt this way only for about a day and I put it aside and moved on (by His grace).
In Love, He will prune and disciple us until we turn our “weary soul” to Him, until we give back to Him the life we owe, then our lives will become “richer and fuller” as our LORD wants it to be.
Even so, Joy will be found in painful experiences, for we will come to know His promises are true and His words are trust-worthy. We yield to Him our “flickering” torch; our feeble light in exchange for His glorious sunshine, far brighter, far more brilliant as it leads us on to greater heights.
For the LORD is perfecting us in every way – “Being confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

Psalm 66:8-12
6b come let us rejoice in Him
8 Praise our God, O peoples,
let the sound of his praise be heard;
9 he has preserved our lives
and kept our feet from slipping.
10 For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.
11 You brought us into prison
and laid burdens on our backs.
12 You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance.

Listen to this hymn on youtube and follow the lyrics below and be blessed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fchS9fwIznw

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

1. O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

2. O Light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

3. O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

4. O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

By George Matheson

Matheson said about this hymn:
My hymn was com­posed in the manse of In­ne­lan [Ar­gyle­shire, Scot­land] on the ev­en­ing of the 6th of June, 1882, when I was 40 years of age. I was alone in the manse at that time. It was the night of my sister’s mar­ri­age, and the rest of the fam­i­ly were stay­ing over­night in Glas­gow. Some­thing hap­pened to me, which was known only to my­self, and which caused me the most se­vere men­tal suf­fer­ing. The hymn was the fruit of that suf­fer­ing. It was the quick­est bit of work I ever did in my life. I had the im­press­ion of hav­ing it dic­tat­ed to me by some in­ward voice ra­ther than of work­ing it out my­self. I am quite sure that the whole work was com­plet­ed in five min­utes, and equal­ly sure that it ne­ver re­ceived at my hands any re­touch­ing or cor­rect­ion. I have no na­tur­al gift of rhy­thm. All the other vers­es I have ever writ­ten are man­u­fact­ured ar­ti­cles; this came like a day­spring from on high.


History of Hymn

“O Love That Will Not Let Me Go” written on the evening of Matheson’s sister’s marriage. His whole family had went to the wedding and had left him alone. And he writes of something which had happened to him that caused immense mental anguish. There is a story of how years before, he had been engaged until his fiancé learned that he was going blind, and there was nothing the doctors could do, and she told him that she could not go through life with a blind man. He went blind while studying for the ministry, and his sister had been the one who had taken care of him all these years, but now she is gone. He had been a brilliant student, some say that if he hadn’t went blind he could have been the leader of the church of Scotland in his day. He had written a learned work on German theology and then wrote “The Growth of The Spirit of Christianity.” Louis Benson says this was a brilliant book but with some major mistakes in it. When some critics pointed out the mistakes and charged him with being an inaccurate student he was heartbroken. One of his friends wrote, “When he saw that for the purposes of scholarship his blindness was a fatal hindrance, he withdrew from the field – not without pangs, but finally.” So he turned to the pastoral ministry, and the Lord has richly blessed him, finally bringing him to a church where he regularly preached to over 1500 people each week. But he was only able to do this because of the care of his sister and now she was married and gone. Who will care for him, a blind man? Not only that, but his sister’s marriage brought fresh reminder of his own heartbreak, over his fiancé’s refusal to “go through life with a blind man.” It is the midst of this circumstance and intense sadness that the Lord gives him this hymn – written he says in 5 minutes! Looking back over his life, he once wrote that his was “an obstructed life, a circumscribed life… but a life of quenchless hopefulness, a life which has beaten persistently against the cage of circumstance, and which even at the time of abandoned work has said not “Good night” but “Good morning.” How could he maintain quenchless hopefulness in the midst of such circumstances and trials? His hymn gives us a clue. “I trace the rainbow in the rain, and feel the promise is not vain” The rainbow image is not for him “If the Lord gives you lemons make lemonade” but a picture of the Lord’s commitment! It is a picture of the battle bow that appears when the skies are darkening and threaten to open up and flood the world again in judgment. But then we see that the battle bow is turned not towards us – but toward the Lord Himself!

A Teapot

The LORD has been so gracious and good to me. I have attended Christmas Service, Watchnight Service, Sunday Morning Worship since December. It is wonderful to be in fellowship with God’s people. And I was so delighted to be present at the first Ladies Group meeting on last Wednesday.

The topic takes off from the BKC theme verse of 2008 “No one has ever seen GOD; but if we love one another, GOD lives in us and His love is made complete in us.” 1 John 4:12. Woon Chuan, the chairman of the Ladies Group started the first session with “The extent of GOD’s love”. She gave a visual description of how GOD pours out His love on us – we are like a teapot – we allow GOD to pour His love into our teapot and with an overflowing of this love, it naturally flow out of the spout to reach out to others. By our love for others we will be able to display GOD in us, CHRIST in us. At the open sharing, I took the opportunity to praise and give thanks to GOD for the outpouring of love to me by the many ladies in the Ladies Group and friends in BKC during the last 7 months when I was under treatment for the myeloma. I was really flooded with lots and lots of love through prayers, words of encouragement, sms, e-mails, cards, flowers etc. It is really living out 1 John 4:12 – I cannot see GOD but through the love I receive, GOD is manifested in His body of believers. Like the teapot the love just flowed out so abundantly to me.
During the last 7 months, I couldn’t be an effective “teapot”, though I was receiving a lot of GOD’s love, it was difficult to pour it out to others in the way an able-bodied person can do. Most of the time I laid down in bed with little energy, with pain in the body, sometimes hardly able to open the eyes, little breath to talk etc. Therefore when we are healthy and well, we must use every opportunity to extend love to others. We can use our hands and our feet to do acts of love; our feet walk the distance and speak words of comfort to those in need. As long as GOD gives us breath to live, when we wake up every morning, we must seek to live a GOD-filled life and a LOVE-filled life.

Walks & Haircut

You can see from some of the photos that I am getting stronger each day. I have been walking daily either at Botanic or around the neighbourhood. Walking helps to straighten my stiff back muscles and my gait is getting more natural. Now that I am able to manage myself, Paul and I have been taking Snookie (our King Charles Cavalier) with us. I have also been eating better, not a full meal each time but I do finish the small portions. I am more able to eat Western meals especially for dinners because the strong odors of Chinese meals at the evening, does affect my appetite.

I am that much better that I can even give Paul a haircut! I like the way I do his hair than when he goes to the barber. It wasn’t that difficult – only that now I sat on the chair and Paul sat on a little stool and instead of me moving around him, he turned around for me to trim the sides. As you know with so little to trim, it was all done in a jiffy!

I am really grateful to our LORD for the strength He gives me each and every day. “You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” Ps 18:28.

It Is Well With My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford
This hymn was writ­ten af­ter two ma­jor trau­mas in Spaf­ford’s life. The first was the great Chi­ca­go Fire of Oc­to­ber 1871, which ru­ined him fi­nan­cial­ly (he had been a weal­thy bus­i­ness­man). Short­ly af­ter, while cross­ing the At­lan­tic, all four of Spaf­ford’s daugh­ters died in a col­li­sion with an­o­ther ship. Spaf­ford’s wife Anna sur­vived and sent him the now fa­mous tel­e­gram, “Saved alone.” Sev­er­al weeks lat­er, as Spaf­ford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daugh­ters died, the Ho­ly Spir­it in­spired these words. They speak to the eter­nal hope that all be­liev­ers have, no mat­ter what pain and grief be­fall them on earth.

**********************************************


This hymn speaks of a peace that only GOD can give to us – a state or a condition where there is no more struggle, no more anguish, no more rebellion, no more “why”. It reaches an acceptance that GOD’s ways are perfect and supreme. Indeed it surpasses human understanding and it is beyond human comprehension or explanation. No word can describe or rationalize. No clever justification. It causes us to look, set our minds and place our hope in Christ Jesus.
May we learn through life’s lessons, to reach and receive this peace in our hearts and be able to say with quiet contentment that “It is well with my soul”.

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Habakkuk

Paul and I have been listening to some of Pastor Benny Ho’s sermons – one of them being an exposition on the book of Habakkuk. I find it helpful to jot down notes as I listen and the teaching stays with me even more when I am able to share about it. As I don’t meet up with my friends as often as before my opportunities to share is limited. But I can do it on the blog! So here goes.

Overview
There are 3 chapters in Habakkuk. Prophet H. sought deliverance from the LORD for the people of Israel as they were steeped in violence, injustice, wickedness, strife, conflict etc. Why is the LORD not listening? And when the LORD responded, H. was stunned by the reply given, it seemed to him not a deliverance. When H finally understood and acknowledged the sovereign right and power of the LORD, His ways are righteous, H declares that he will rejoice in the LORD. Hab 3:17,18

Hab 1 – Prophetic Prayer
Hab 2 – Prophetic Preaching
Hab 3 – Prophetic Praise

As a prophet, H. spoke more to GOD than to the people, he wrote rather than spoke the message to the people, he sang rather than say his prayers and praise.

Chap 1 – God stretched his mind
Chap 2 – God captured his will
Chap 3 – God touched his emotions

In this study we learned that in midst of political dynamics during those time of power struggle between, Egypt, Syria and rising Babylon, GOD is very much in control and moving the events of the day whether we as believers understand it or not. Two main lessons being:-

a) Mysterious Ways of GOD
b) Misunderstood Ways of GOD

Mysterious Ways of GOD – why
- When GOD seems slow in answering our prayers
- When GOD seems strange in His answer
Often we are impatient in waiting for GOD to answer and most time we really want His answer to be in accordance with what we asked. How ready are we to receive an answer that is contrary to what we want and how willing are we to accede to GOD’s ways. Prophet H had difficulty in accepting GOD’s reply. Instead of delivering His people by stopping all the wickedness and injustice, GOD said that He will raise an even more wicked, ruthless and impetuous Babylonians to punish His people. It just does not seem just that GOD is allowing the wicked to swallow up those more righteous than themselves. In the eyes of Prophet H even the wickedness of the Israelites was more righteous. He was trying to reconcile GOD’s character of holiness and purity with His impending action. Stubbornly Prophet H stationed himself at the ramparts and stood his watch – awaiting GOD’s answer - to an impossible situation.

Misunderstood Ways of GOD
- By careless believers
- By the world
- By godly Christians
Careless because we do not take GOD’s word to heart and when we lack the faith, especially when it does not agree with what we want. The people of this world is blinded and cannot understand it is GOD’s finger that is moving world’s events. Even godly Christians can be confused and continue to ask why? How long more? We may be prepared to receive GOD’s word as head knowledge but are we prepared to live it out experientially?

History is under divine control
History follows a divine plan
History is tied up with a divine kingdom

….but are we prepared to also say this …

My life(story) is under divine control
My life(story) follows a divine plan
My life(story) is tied up with a divine kingdom

I end this with a prayer to our LORD to help me to know and accept His divine control in my life. May I allow Him to stretch my mind, capture my will and touch my emotions, as He did with Prophet H.

Christmas Service

Thank GOD and praise Him for answering yours and my prayers – I was able to attend the Christmas Service. It is wonderful to be found in the house of the LORD on Christmas Day – to honour our King of Kings and LORD of Lords for coming to earth to fulfill our Heavenly Father’s promise to redeem us. John Ting shared with us the true meaning of Christmas and how the truth has been distorted and commercialized with Santa, Christmas trees, reindeers and much too much festivities.

I look forward to being able to attend watchnight service from 11pm to 12.30am on 31 December. It is going to be a challenge because I have not been up at such late hours in recent months. Again we shall look to the LORD if this is a wise thing to do and we ask for His enabling.

Though I have been able to go to church on Sundays and to the parks, I am mindful of the need to take sufficient rest and my activities are limited to a short time so that I do not tire myself. Paul said that I am able to sit up a bit longer now. The exercises have been helpful to strengthen my back and the tight muscle around my rib cage has also eased up on the right side. I am now scheduled to see the doctor once a month to do blood test and receive zometa infusion. Presently the cancer marker still shows that the cancer is still in my body but it is low enough for us to monitor it with once weekly steroid. With this conservative maintenance, it should allow my body to recover and hopeful my immune system become stronger. But truly we look to the LORD for restoration and His strengthening. Our Sovereign LORD knows the path that I should take and He orders my steps Proverbs 16:9 . I know that my feeble mind sometimes give in to fear because if I need to go back for treatments, I am afraid of the pain and discomfort. But our merciful LORD has promised in His word in Isaiah 41:10 to sustain me, He understands my weakness and He knows that we can be afraid. He will uphold me with His righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:13 continues with " For I am the LORD, your GOD who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

Thank GOD -
for strength to walk in the parks and gardens
for not needing the wheelchair and walking stick
for being able to commence physiotherapy to strengthen back muscles
for being able to sit up longer
for learning how to knit

Pray -
for appetite to eat - sour taste in my mouth
for numbness in hands and feet to improve
for concentration as I read the word of GOD 2 Cor 10:5 "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
for sleep
for protection against infection

A Song to share

I praise and thank the LORD that even now He sends another friend, an old classmate who now lives in Brisbane. She shared this song with me and I think it is a beautiful and uplifting song – I share it with you too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2sZuJbxi8Y

“You Raise Me Up”
some of the lyrics -
When I am down and my soul is weary … You raise me up, so I can stand on mountain, to walk on the stormy sea… I am strong when I am on your shoulder ….to be more than I can be.

A Sad Day

Judy, the dearest wife, of our dear friend James K, went home to be with the LORD on 19th December. It was just too sudden. Paul and I were taking a walk that morning at the Botanic when he received a call from James on his mobile. He paused to talk. I walked on with my sister Lilian and Benno. After a distance he caught up and shared the sad news with me. Even when Paul told me about it, I could hear his voice broke. James was distraught and heart-broken. It is just impossible to describe his sadness.
Judy woke up in the morning and felt dizzy, James tried to ease her discomfort but had to bring her to the hospital in Cameron Highlands. She fell unconscious and soon passed on. It was very sudden, James did not even have much time with her or know that she was going.

“O our dear LORD, our brother James, is just not prepared for Judy to go home to you so soon. But we know you are compassionate, You, O LORD, has taken all sufferings from Judy, she does not need to bear with any more pain in her body. And this is because You, O LORD, love her so much. How, O LORD, would our dear brother understand that You did this out of love. Brother James loves Judy deeply and just cannot understand why Judy has to go so soon. O our merciful LORD, please send Your comfort to James. We cannot be there to console him. Help James to bear this sorrow. We can never know the extent of this sadness but You do. Give to James the assurance that You love him, you will care for him and You, O LORD, will carry him through this time of bereavement. He is alone with Bandit (his dog). Strengthen brother James’ heart, mend it and heal it, Mighty GOD”
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Judy just returned home to C.H. after two cycles of cancer treatment in Penang. James and Judy only found out recently about her cancer. The last MRI showed that there was an inoperable tumour in her brain.

My dear friends, I share this lifestory with you because James and Judy, in recently months have become a part of our life and become dear friends. I have not met James and Judy. Paul and James have known each other for many years and recently have been communicating through emails and have been supporting each other in their care for Judy and myself. Together, with James and Judy, we remind ourselves to fix our eyes on our LORD GOD and His Son our LORD Jesus that He will carry us through this difficult time. Both Paul and I are just too shocked and saddened by Judy’s homecall but we know she is safe in the arms of Jesus. Brother James will need our prayers, if you are able, do say a little prayer for him too. May our LORD help and teach us to comfort and console and pray for those who suffer such sadness and sorrow.

Thanksgiving

It has been just over 2 weeks since the radiotherapy ended. I had slightly elevated fever for quite a number of days last week but I am thankful that for 2 days now I am OK. As I am not on treatment, I do feel that my strength is coming back. I have been able to start make walks in the Botanic Gardens at the Cluny entrance. Paul brings me there in the morning and the weather so far has been good - clear and windy. Yesterday and today I made the same walk without my walking stick. Praise the LORD. I must make this a regular routine because it is exercise for my legs and I am sure it will help to strengthen my back. My physiotherapist has returned from her holiday break and we have resumed muscle- strengthening exercises on Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the afternoon. The other days of the week I will do the exercises myself. I have been able to shower myself without help, this is also an improvement.

For all these I want to give thanks to the LORD for He is the one who gives me the strength Isaiah 41.10. This is answered prayers for me and for all of you, my dear friends who have been interceding for me. For my future I continue to place my trust in the LORD Romans 8:28 AND 29.

A Selah Moment

That is the title of the meditation in “Our Daily Bread” today. Reflecting on the words of Ps 24 can help us to take a “Selah moment” to pause and worship God. Among other possible meanings, “Selah” includes a moment to “Exalt” the name of God for answered prayer in spite of disappointment (Ps 40:1-3).

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.”

Today is a “Selah moment” for me. Although my back aches and I tire easily, the LORD gave me the strength to rejoin my brothers and sisters in Christ to worship and have Holy Communion at BKC. I had prayed and continue to pray that the LORD will enable me to attend the Watch Night service and recently Paul has been praying for me to be able to attend the Christmas service too. Last week, with the brief but joyful visit to church after morning service, Paul was emboldened to ask the LORD to make me strong enough to attend this morning’s service and we praise GOD that He did. My sister Lilian and her husband Benno who are visiting from the Netherlands were able to join us in church and have a glimpse of the Body Life at BKC. Some of you have also prayed for Benno and he has certainly recovered well from his operation by the grace of GOD.

Indeed, GOD is good and He is worthy of all our praise and worship.

A joyful visit

It was supposed to be a walk at Labrador Park this morning but when we arrived at the car park, it started to rain. So we decided to take a drive instead. We headed for the East Coast. As we neared, I felt well enough and longed to drop by the church. It was just after the morning service. What a joy to see you all once again. I am really praying for strength to return back to worship and fellowship with you all and I pray the LORD will grant this request very soon. I thank the LORD for lifting up my spirits through this time of meeting many of my friends.

Radio-therapy ends

We give thanks to GOD for the completion of the radio-therapy this Tuesday. For the most part, I was tolerating this well. Even after the sessions, I was able to go to the Botanic Garden for a light lunch and a short walk. I was not able to hold down much food and was fatigued some of the days but was able to rest and recover. However towards the end of the radio therapy, on Sunday night, I had another bout of vomiting. This time I did not want to be admitted to the hospital. I was able to stay at home with medication from Dr. Edward Yang and I was able to stabilize. However, a few days without food have sapped my energy and I feel weak. I started to eat some porridge yesterday and am following the sound advice from our brother Dr. Edward Menon who came to see and pray for me.

Next Monday on 10th Dec, I have a review with both Dr. Edward Yang and Dr. Gerrard Teoh who will also do blood tests and give me an IV of Zometa. We had earlier decided to stop all the backbone drugs used for treatment – ie: Velcade and Thalidomide and later Revlimid as this has achieved the maximum response even though complete remission has not been attained, the M-band last taken before radio-therapy on the 12th Nov was 5. This should allow my body to recover from all the side effects.

Please pray that during this time that I will be able to regain my ability to eat and digest my food and that I can regain strength to walk again in the park. Do pray for the return of energy and strength so I can stay up longer and return to a more normal life. I am praying for God’s grace to allow me to return back to church to worship and fellowship. Yes – I long to be back with all the saints “giving thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Eph 5:20, Col 3:17.

100 Hymns

During my recent hospitalization stay, I received a 3 CD-compilation of 100 Hymns. What a treat! It was from Dr. & Mrs Khoo B.C. We played the CDs and enjoyed it so much. I could sing some and hum with others, and they are mostly familiar. I am one of those oldies who love hymns. It brought back fond memories of my school days.

I was from St. Hilda’s and St. Andrew’s. I remember that I always love chapel time which was once a week, there would be prayers, hymns, scripture reading and a short sharing by one of the teachers or the chaplain. Unlike some of my friends I enjoyed this time. Daily at the beginning of the school day there would at least be opening prayers. From this early exposure to the Word of GOD my life was well watered and prepared for the receiving of the gospel. In school I did not experience any compulsion by the teachers but rather they just exposed us to the Word of GOD through hymns and scripture readings. I received the gospel when I attended a meeting at BKC with my best friend Joo Ser.

From St. Hilda’s I went on to St. Andrew’s which also had the same tradition of hymn singing. I remember at St. Hilda’s the teachers taught us to be loyal to the Anglican schools. At PSLE we were all told to request to stay on at St. Hilda’s and not want to go elsewhere. From my class, all of us stayed on except for one. After O levels we were also encouraged to go on to St. Andrew’s, believe it or not, most of us followed our teachers’ advice including the best of the cohort. That in St. Andrew’s, one class alone had a dozen of St. Hilda’s girls. On reflection I thanked my teachers for encouraging us to stay on in the mission school family.

I remember that my time at St. Andrew’s had been a blessed time because it was there that I participated actively in ISCF and learned the meaning of service. I began to love the Word of GOD and love fellowship with the “saints”. We had teachers who guided us in the right direction. We enjoyed going to visit HDB flats door to door at Potong Pasir and sharing the gospel, not that we were able to speak the dialect but we handed out tracts.

I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed my school days in both these schools. Praise be to our LORD who sent the early missionaries to set up mission schools in Singapore. Indeed I am one of many who have been blessed by the faithfulness of our mission schools’ forefathers who steadfastly gave money and resources to send teachers to our distant shores to educate us and most importantly to preach the good news of or LORD Jesus Christ. Amen.

ALWAYS

A dear sister sent this encouraging card to me and I just have to share it with you.

One of the nights as I was on my way home from my daughter’s house I chance to look up at the sky and behold there was a full moon in all its majesty. Ribbons of light radiated from her into the dark inky night. Somehow she appears to be there all alone in the heavens. Since M was driving, I kept my gaze on her reflecting on GOD’s overwhelming goodness. His greatness, His power and His might. Then all of a sudden our car manoueurved round a bend, I lost sight of the moon and the sky faded to black. How oten has that happened in our lives too? How often have we turned to GOD only to find darkness and despair? These thoughts flooded my mind. But before I knew it, the moon came back into view and her light once again flooded the sky. The moon hadn’t moved but I had. GOD too doesn’t move from our lives. HE is constant, always watching, always waiting, always ready to shine upon us when we turn from the darkness and seek His face. Sister Li Leng, I want you to know remember that in the midst of a spinning universe, GOD is our still point. He is “AN ALWAYS GOD!”

As I read this note I am again reminded to set my mind and heart on WHO GOD IS and not to be overwhelmed by the present circumstances. Sure it is natural to feel disappointments but I must steadfastly fix my eyes on the character of GOD. Our omnipotent GOD is love, He is full of compassion and mercy.

Just back

My dear friends, I just got back from Gleneagles. I was admitted on Wednesday midnight because I had severe nausea and vomiting. I am obviously reacting to the cumulative build up of Revlimid. It was a miserable few days and nights as I could not hold down anything in my stomach and the normal nausea medications did not work to stop this. Thank God it did finally stop – on Friday night and I was able to slowly get back into a soft diet by Sunday. Thank God for protecting my stomach as a gastro scope done on Friday showed that there is no bleeding or ulceration. I feel better now though still weakened from the episode. Thank you for lifting us up in prayer – your cards, letters, emails, CDs, books and sms remind me that I am not alone and that God is ever present with me.

In consultation with Dr. Teoh, it is now decided to stop both the Velcade and Revlimid for now and give my body some time to recover from the side effects. A blood sample was taken this morning to find out where the M-band is. Tomorrow, I go back to the radiotherapy department to have the treatment plan confirmed and to discuss with Dr. Edward Yang who is likely to begin on Wednesday for 14 sessions – ie: 14 days continuously. Please pray that I will not suffer serious side effects and for this treatment to work against the disease.

Still steadfast and trusting in the LORD

The recent two weeks treatment of velcade has affected me quite badly. I was very tired and my back muscles ached, numbness of hands and feet also bad. After a night sleep, I wake up and soon I get tired again and the day was spent mostly in bed. Sometimes I could not open my eyes, hence I am not able to write, sms, email etc.
This is the start of the rest week but I have been nauseous and had not been able to keep down my food. My energy level is low because of the vomiting. I have been to doctor and he has suggested that I reduce the dose of revlimid, alternate day instead of daily. I will also be having a velcade break. This is good news for me because velcade causes the most fatigue and aches. The doctors will assess me again on Friday to see if I am able to start with radiotherapy this Monday, 11th for 14 days.

My heart is still steadfast, believing and trusting in the LORD. When I am very tired and fatigued, I find it hard to praise the LORD but I know the LORD understands my weakened frame. I am sad that I am so helpless.

Pray that I can eat and keep my food and be strong during the radiotherapy.
Pray that the radiotherapy will help to reduce the pain in my back.
Pray for minimal side effects from radiotherapy.

Continue trusting in the LORD

Today is a difficult day with Li Leng experiencing tiredness and pain from the velcade treatment. We are not able to do much at all but we can still pray.

We just received the results of the M-band a few minutes ago. It has gone up to 7. Last week, it was 5. We don’t understand this at all. It seems that the velcade is not helping to bring it further down. We have not discussed with Dr. Teoh as he is away in Europe attending a conference. We are reminded of Prov 3:5,6 and will put our trust in the LORD. Next week is a rest week from the velcade and we intend to start radio therapy under the care of Dr. Edward Yang. There will be 14 sessions over 14 days – 3 weeks and we probably will stay off velcade through this time. We will continue with the new drug – Revlimid as well as 3 days next week on Dexa and hopefully Li Leng can tolerate all this without side effects or complications. Our eyes are on the LORD and He is our help and our strength. Is 41:10 Please pray for GOD’s will and purposes to be worked out and for us to stand firm in our faith so that we can glorify GOD even in our sickness. We do pray the desires of our hearts to be made well so that our youth will be renewed like the eagle’s. Ps 103:5.

Remaining Calm

Thank you for praying. I was calm throughout the MRI scan. It took 1.5 hours. I brought along the Deborah Mae CD and the songs were very comforting. The LORD is gracious, I was not at all anxious, for by prayers (yours and mine) the peace of GOD that passes all understanding has kept my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. My tummy was acting up just before the MRI. The velcade treatment yesterday was the cause. Praise the LORD, my system cleared out the watery stools minutes just before I had to do the scan. Paul and I prayed that my tummy would stay stable throughout the scan. Yes, it was stable. I see this as the LORD’s favour and goodness to me.

Paul updates: The M-band taken on Monday 22nd is out today and it has gone down to 5. We give thanks to the LORD. We will discuss the MRI results with the Dr. Teoh on Monday and decide the course of action. Monday is the start of the 8th cycle – the 6th for Velcade. A new drug will substitute for Thalidomide let’s pray it arrives on Monday. It is called Revlimid or lenalidomide – a thalidomide derivative with less peripheral neuropathy effects and hopefully Li Leng can tolerate this better. Our hope is in God and we thank Him for His presence in our lives.

In the boat

They were in the boat and Jesus was asleep in the stern. Soon a furious squall came and it nearly swamped them. They woke Jesus and said “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” Jesus got up and rebuked the storm and the wind died down and it was completely calm. Jesus turned to his disciples and said “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
Like the disciples, my faith is being tested. When I received bad news, I crumpled. I required quite a bit of encouragement from Paul to be reminded again and again who GOD is. Like the disciples I become distressed. The storm around me seems ferocious and unstoppable. When the doctor says, “What other alternative...?” Leaving us with little choice and this makes me rather discouraged.
But this episode with the disciples reminds me that Jesus is in the boat with me and He will go through the storm with me. And Jesus understands my frame and in my moments of weakness, He will rebuke and quiet the storm. He will bring calm and peace to my heart. Let us not be frightened by the storms in our lives but be assured and know that Jesus is in the boat.
There is a children”s song that goes – With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm, smile at the storm, smile at the storm, with Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm as we go sailing home.
There will be storms in our lives, yours and mine, some bigger, others smaller, how will we respond? Our LORD is gracious; He will help and strengthen our faith. Ps. 41:10
The LORD already knows the path I have to take. Our LORD is merciful and full of compassion. To Him be the glory. Ps. 115:1 “Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.”

I will have to go for a full body MRI on Friday morning, the last time left me claustrophobic. Pray that I will remain calm throughout. I will have to do a bone marrow biopsy the following Monday. The doctor needs these to help him consider how to further the treatment. My hands and feet are numbed because of the thalidomide, I still need to take them, pray that the neuropathy does not worsen.

Thank you, Deborah Mae

I have been listening to Deborah Mae’s CD Come to the Water, every night (since September). As I settle to sleep her CD will play softly in the background. The words in the songs minister to me deeply. Repeatedly I am reminded of GOD’s faithfulness, His mercy, His compassion, His care and His love. “Be not dismayed whatever betide, GOD will take care of you.”
Many of the songs brought calmness and peace and assurance. Jesus said “Come to the Water, Stand by my side, I know you are thirsty you won’t be denied. I felt every tear drop when in darkness you cried. And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.”
There is this one other song that stills and quietens the struggles that are in me. It speaks of GOD’s purpose and assures of GOD’s best. I had to copy the lyrics by listening as it was not printed in the cover.

Rejoice in the LORD

GOD never moves without purpose or plan
When trying His servant and molding a man
Give thanks to the LORD though your testing seems long
In darkness He giveth a song.

Refrain
Rejoice in the LORD, He makes no mistake
He knoweth the end of each path that I take
For when I am tried and purified
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead
So I look at the cross of my Savior instead
I bowed to the will of the Master that day
Then peace came and tears fled away.

Now I can see testing comes from above
GOD strengthens His children and purges in love
My Father knows best and I trust in His care
Through purging more fruit I will bear.

This song tells me to rejoice, tells me GOD knows, tells me to look to the cross, tells me GOD strengthens and tells me I must trust in His care. I know that I need to be frequently reminded that I am in the centre of GOD’s will and I am thankful to Deborah Mae for all these beautiful songs that are in her CD. May our LORD bless her that more and more people will receive comfort and peace from listening to Deborah sings.

Another thing I must add. When I finished writing this on my foolscap paper, I found a 3 page letter from my friend GSK, I got this some months back and I had placed it at the back of this foolscap pad. I took it out again to read. She wrote about attending the wake of Captain Ho who collapsed after running a marathon and her mother is with BB BSF. My friend felt that there were two songs sung that struck a chord in her heart and she enclosed the wordings of the 2 songs. When I turned over the page of her letter to look at the songs, one of it was Rejoice in the LORD! Isn’t marvelous that the LORD works in such a wonderful way! When I first received this, it didn’t make an impression on me but at the right time, it did. It affirms to me the LORD knows everything that I do. Praise the LORD.

Trusting in the LORD

Thank GOD for the night rest, woke up and felt good. Did some stretches in bed and got up at 7am for breakfast. Did eat although lately my appetite is poor and occasionally I could not keep the food down. I am eating lesser - my tastebuds are not tasting but I do drink Ensure. I managed to walk around the neighbourhood with Paul, this is very good for my circulation. But usually by the evening time my aches at the back affects me and I do get rather distressed. The daily thalidomide makes the numbness quite unbearable, started with toes now half of my feet, whole hands. Lying down to rest is not easy because my limbs get numb. Please pray that the neuropathy does not get worse. Thank you for interceding.
Look to the LORD fir His promise to help and strengthen me. Psalm 41:10

Paul adds: "Li Leng just started her dexamethasone today and she will be on this for 3 days till Thursday. Pray that she can sleep and that no complications or fierce side effects occur. The peripheral neuropathy is really quite bad and getting worse by the day. I do not know how long she can tolerate this. We pray for God's mercy to rescue us. We did have a precious time together the last 3 days with each other and with the LORD and we are able to affirm that the LORD loves Li Leng and we have enjoyed His blessings provided all these years. Li Leng has a deep peace in her heart that comes from knowing she belongs to the LORD. She has loved the LORD from her youth and she knows that the LORD loves her. Her heart is steadfast trusting the LORD. Ps 112:4,6"

Bad News

We received news yesterday that the M band test done on Monday 8th Oct. has gone up to 8. I am so sad and dismayed. I do not know what is in store for me now. The doctor is suggesting that I restart on Dexamethasone this coming Monday 15th Oct. for 3 days. Dexa was the first drug I took in the beginning and I had to stop after 2 cycles because of all the side effects. Nevertheless, it did bring down the M band earlier on. This time Dexa will be used to assist the Velcade and Thalidomide during the rest week. A repeat M band will be done on Monday 22nd Oct to see if it works.

It is so scary to see the number going back up. I am so weary after all these months. But my trust is in the LORD as He is faithful and steadfast in His love. May His will be done in our lives. I am reminded that even when we walk in the darkness where there is no light, we can trust in the name of the LORD and we can rely on our GOD. Is 50:10.

39 Years

I am sorry for not updating regularly and I really should at least say something… it just that some days are good and some bad.
I have started on the increased dose of velcade since last week. So far last Monday and Thursday were OK and on the treatment days and the next I felt tired and crampy with aches at back and front. But this Monday, I felt worse and today I just got the 4th injection. I think it is the cumulative effects of the treatments that affect me. The peripheral neuropathy affected my hands, toes and torso, whatever I touch, feels like sandpaper. My toes are numb. It is very unpleasant because the numbness is always there, well, until I am off the drugs, I hope.
I thank the LORD for giving me strength and courage to go through each day and for going through each treatment. I am especially thankful that I have such a loving and caring husband who tends to my every need. I thank you my dear friends for interceding for me.
According to Monday’s blood test, I am still fighting a viral infection. Do pray that it will clear. My WBC (white blood cell) is rather low at 2, therefore prone to infection.

How would you spend your 39th wedding anniversary? Some may have a big celebration with friends and family or maybe a quiet dinner between the two.
Well, this couple friend of ours chose to do it differently. They spent it with us. Some weeks back, I said that if I am feeling better, we can have a little picnic at the beach where there is no crowd and there is plenty of fresh air. But my condition is such that I don’t know how I will be like tomorrow or next week, therefore it was not possible to plan. I only know my well-being on the morning I wake up. I literally live for the day and I don’t know about tomorrow.
So on the morning of Friday 28th Sep (rest week), I smsed my friend and she replied affirmative and promised to bring a picnic basket. It was only when we met at the beach that we found out it was their 39th wedding anniversary. There was no doubt in their mind that they would rather spend this special day with us than spending it at some dining establishment. I was so touched by their great love for us. We spent the time talking about how our gracious LORD is doing a wonderful work in our church and what He is doing in our lives. It is so wonderful that such a simple fellowship can refresh our souls and gladden our hearts. Indeed the LORD showers His abundant love upon us through precious friends such as them. I know that we have many such friends, like Sussie who cooked a pot of buah keluak because she knows its Paul’s favorite, Irene who came with pumpkin and yam kueh etc.
As the sun set, we left earlier as I was getting tired. Driving off the car park, I could see my friends still sitting at the beach with a great sense of contentment and peace in their heart. Praise the LORD.