reflections for the New Year

Paul and I spent some early morning hours on the last day of 2009 at Kent Ridge Park. This little part of the ridge is so beautifully green, cool and breezy. The park has many tall and mature trees and the setting is so tranquil and peaceful. We brought our two camper chairs and settled down to do some reflections and prayers. Our focus was to read and contemplate the book of Ecclesiastes. We each read aloud a chapter alternately.

I will share my reflections and the verse that I feel inclined to guide me through towards 2010.

Eccl.5:20 "He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because GOD keeps him occupied with gladness of heart."

I find this verse to be deeply thoughtful and contemplative of GOD's goodness. Looking ahead for the new year I would like to focus less on myself; instead be more filled and fulfilled with thanksgiving and with gladness of heart. Be looking at the goodness and greatness of GOD in all the works He will be doing around me.

I pray and ask you to pray along with me that the LORD will keep me steadfast and faithful.

December - a time for rejoicing

December is coming to an end for 2009 and I haven't even posted anything. Yet by GOD's grace I have had many joyous days. So it is not right for me to not write.....

First week of December, we, all seven of us with Thaddaeus had time to spend together. It was good to have some time of quietness with everyone - the boys Gerald and Russ, and Adele had finished with exams, were all in need of a good rest. For us, rest is just having time to lunch together, cooking dinner together and taking walks. We took the opportunity to have family photos taken - this was done in a wooded setting. The last time we had a family portrait was almost 12 years ago (oops, forgot, there was one taken 4 years back, studio kind); and everybody has changed, grown taller, wider, hair greyer and more importantly, new members added - Andy, Adele, Thadd! - truly they are blessings from the LORD. Our photograher RO did a fantastic job in 1 hour and took many great shots. We really like the outdoor scenes.

Christmas time was also a time to get together with our friends. Just thinking about the past Christmases and how it was this year, it is definitely with much gratitude and thanksgiving.

Christmas 2007 was very quiet, no celebration; Christmas 2008 was back to the usual with plenty of food and festive cheer but I remember I felt tired; and now for Christmas 2009, I was in "top-form", I lasted till the end of evening (which was 10pm as there was early service the next morning). There is definitely much improvement in my physical well-being. Isn't all this reason to be thankful. Yet in the midst of all this celebration, we are reminded of the most precious gift - our Savior - the reason for the season.

Another "momentous" celebration - our 30th wedding anniversary! Isn't wonderful - we were able to rejoice over GOD's abundant grace and goodness in blessing our 30 years together.

Yes!!! there is so much to be joyful and so much to celebrate. When we are able to see and experience all these milestones, we should together with as many who love us, lift up our hands in praise to our LORD!

December has truly been a time for much rejoicing.

My favourite bible verse for many Decembers now, has been: Psalm 36:8,9

"They feast on the abundance of your house;

You give them drink from your river of delights.

For with you is the fountain of life;

in Your light we see light."

and we fervently seek GOD's favour -

"Continue your love to those who know You,

Your righteousness to the upright in heart."

a start - MDS

Today Paul and I met with W and A. We have been told by Dr. G that W is keen on starting a local support group for MDS - those with dysplastic blood cells. It was good to meet with another person with MDS. I am sure it will be helpful for us to share about how we are managing and coping and living with our condition. At least we know we are not alone in this challenging journey, we can encourage one another.

little troubles

Last Sunday, I chatted with this lady who is an organist, who frequently and sincerely asked about my health. Only once did she talked about herself and only then did I realise she has her own troubles. I think she said she fell and injured her hand. For a piano teacher, this is bad news. She sought medical help and her orthopaedic doctor told her that her thumb which became bent cannot be operated on. While the injury and pain has subsided, the bent shape remained, surgery cannot straighten it and she was told she cannot play the piano or organ in the same way as before. Such discouraging news! However this cheerful lady places her faith in our LORD and trusts in His help. Instead of being downcast as she look at her bent thumb and last finger, she exclaimed that the bent thumb and finger are great for playing the organ. They are now angled in such a way that she can play the piano and organ, even better. While she may have difficulty pressing the little buttons on her mobile, that is not important. What is more important is that she can still play. She was so pleased to tell that to me. Yes, the doctor was "right" in some way, she cannot play as before, true but wrong, she can play even better now! I could feel her joy and her gratitude to GOD.

It is so beautiful when one does not stay discourage or sad with whatever troubles one may have.

Life is not a bed of roses and without troubles. It is how we look at it and live it that will fill it with joy and peace. Praise GOD for S.

Jeremiah - so picturesque

It's really amazing what one can learn from the book of Jeremiah. A major old testament book with 52 chapters, is it possible to do a study of it in 9 weeks? Well, yes. Our bible study teacher, HLC, has made it so picturesque that I just have to share what I have learnt.

Jeremiah is known as the "weeping prophet" with a sorrowful ministry that lasted 40 years. He was called as a young man, fearful, self-doubting "I do not know how to speak, I am only a child," spiritually and socially immature. Yet he like many others would be called to accomplish extraordinary work for a disconsolate nation in a time of religious persecutions and apostasies. To be called by GOD, most time, is never to a life of ease. Jeremiah's life was full of sorrow, rejection, criticism, hostility, loneliness, hardship, pain, tears ..... would one say or conclude that it was a happy life, a successful career.... hardly. But for sure, in GOD's eyes, it served a specific and glorious purpose. Jeremiah lived in full obedience to GOD's moral standards and ways; spoke and acted as the LORD instructed him.

What is the book of Jeremiah about? It is a call to wake up and get real!

We did not cover all 52 chapters but a selection; and from this, LC was able to pull out a very "picturesque" overview. Our study is portrayed in 9 images - an almond tree, a beautiful temple, a linen sash, the potter and clay, the righteous branch, 2 baskets of figs, the cup of wrath, a worthless field and sinking in the mud.

I mind-mapped it.

Imagine a young Jeremiah growing old with a long beard, walking past "an almond tree" towards "a beautifully renovated temple", wearing "a ceremonial linen sash" in one hand carrying "a righteous branch" over his shoulder, balancing at one end, "a clay pot" and on the other end "2 baskets of figs" and his other hand holding "a cup of wrath"; along the way, he bought "a worthless field" and just before his destination, he fell into a well "sinking in the mud". What a tragedy!

An almond tree -

It is flowering - sign of warm weather - a sign that something is going to happen. We live in a world of cause and effect, if we obey, we reap promises, if we disobey, we will reap judgment. There is serious consequences for godlessness and apostasy. Like J, we are in a time of spiritual apathy and rapid moral decline. The word, almond - "shoqed" sounds like "shaqed". "Shaqed" means "I am watching" (J1:12, J7:11). GOD is watching and He will act soon.

A beautiful temple -

Is our Christian faith just a beautifully renovated temple but its pews are empty. There is outward religiosity but devoid of holiness and godliness - a false spirituality - incorrigibly religious and puffed up with spiritual pride. In J's time, their religion was a veneer, superficial, religious observance without moral obedience. Likewise in our times, truth is perverted, corrupted and has varnished from our hearts. There is no covenant blessing without covenant obedience. There is no faith without practice of holiness.

A ceremonial linen sash -

The ceremonial linen sash is adorned to display GOD's glory. This suggests a picture of beauty, honor, loyalty and dignity. That is what our lives are to be - a walking display, a living sermon of GOD's holiness and glory. We are not meant (a piece of expensive, exquisite linen) to be buried under the crevice of a rock to become wet, mouldy and useless.

Are we to be committed to nothing, loyal to no one; living only to please self?

Eph 1:6, 12,14 - we are to be the praise of His glorious grace

The clay pot -

Either we believe or we don't - it is as simple as this - GOD is our Maker. He is Creator. He is Sovereign.

That being the case, there is nothing difficult about the concept of potter and clay. He can do anything to us and with us. Some could become monuments and masterpieces; others, simply household utensils, yet useful and important. Are we pliable in His hands?

WE - we are helpless. HE - His authority is total.

GOD has a purpose for every life He is molding - the Potter is not playing with clay! No potter would set out to create an "ugly" "useless" piece. No, we are works of beauty to be molded into a monument of GOD's love and grace. We have no intrinsic beauty and worth but what we can become depends on the Potter and how "malleable" we are. "Our lives is an interplay of GOD's sovereignty and man's response." HLC

A righteous branch -

Bad shepherds and false teachers who are "soft" on sin, no integrity, close an eye to the decadence of a permissive society, there is a dissonance in what they say - speaking pleasant and comforting words that are worthless and damaging and harmful. A good shepherd must provide safe boundaries for their sheep and cultivate deep convictions for own godliness and godliness of the sheep.

2 baskets of figs -

Every person is on offering to GOD (or other gods - gods of wealth, greed, pride, career etc). We decide who we offer our lives to. And we are either an offering of "good" or "bad" figs. We either receive GOD's care and protection, when we obey as "good" figs, or we receive GOD's punishment, when we disobey as "bad" figs.

We need to have a true perspective of our future and not be derailed by present circumstances. We must be willing to trust GOD's leading through difficult situations. Our present and immediate may sour our perspective of the "eternal" future. Our desire for immediate gratification, a mentality for "blessings now" are signs of a consumer-driven society. We need to learn a higher order of obedience and look beyond just the present, towards a glorious eternal future.

A cup of wrath -

One hard truth post-modern world needs to know is that GOD is an angry GOD. GOD has always been depicted as a good, loving, kind, compassionate, forgiving GOD and we forget that ANGER is very much a dimension of GOD's character. He is angry with evil, injustice, immorality, wickedness. Every man, woman and child has to drink either the cup of wrath or the cup of covenant. Jesus Christ has taken that cup of wrath and as believers, we have in our hands the cup of covenant.

Here is a message to remind us of GOD's anger. GOD is infinitely holy and has no tolerance for sin, He is slow to anger and that does not mean no anger, it means there is a time to His anger.

A worthless field -

J was told to buy a worthless field. In the midst of war and been taken over by the Babylonians, J was given such a strange and unusual instruction. And yes, J obeyed fully. He was been taken advantage of by his relative, who wanted to sell the family's field to J. In wars, immovable assets are worthless, cash is king. Exploited or not, J willed himself to fear and obey GOD and not be "smiffed" by a cunning relative.

This "investment" points to a future of hope and restoration. GOD will NOT remain angry forever. His punishment will come to an end. He is a GOD of many chances. He promises hope and a future. This "worthless" field looks beyond one restoration, but to many restorations and to the greater restoration of salvation by grace to all humankind. GOD will work at the hearts of man and cause them to be single-minded in love for Him. A new heart and a new everlasting covenant. GOD will rejoice in doing us good. J29:11-14. J32:38-42

Wow. A beautiful message of judgment turned to hope.

Sinking in mud -

Poor J, maligned and misunderstood to the very end, suffered ignobly in the hands of his countrymen. He was thrown into a cistern and sunk into the mud till his neck. GOD rescued him through the kind and courageous Cushite, Ebed-Melech.

This image of sinking in the mud paints the society we are in - social and moral decline and an even greater a danger - spiritual decay - when our commitment to GOD remains tentative and lukewarm. Are we really serious about our Christian faith? There is no easy obedience.

"The price of obedience is high but the price of disobedience is infinitely higher." HLC

"There is a way of life that leads to death and a way of death that leads to life." John Stott

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Lk 9:24

Do we think for a minute that J had an easy life and full of blessings. No, it was with lots of hardship and pain and rejection, it was a tough 40-years ministry. We look at this faithful, obedient and committed giant of a prophet and know that we can endure and go through whatever the LORD puts before us. Our lives must be to His praise and glory. May the LORD help us.

The "I Will" GOD

This week our bible study is on Jeremiah 32 and I am especially reminded that in every aspect of life our GOD is sovereign and omnipotent. We frequently need to be reminded "who" He is and what He will do our lives.

Who He is:

-He made the heavens and earth by His great power and outstretched arm.

-Nothing too hard for Him

-He show love to thousands

-He is great and powerful

-He is LORD Almighty

-Great are His purposes

-Mighty are His deeds

-His eyes are opened to the ways of men

-He reward men according to their conduct and deeds

He will:

-I will surely gather them

-I will bring them back and let them live in safety

-I will be their GOD (they will be my people)

-I will give them singleness of heart

-I will make an everlasting covenant with them

-I will never stop doing good to them

-I will inspire them to fear me (so they will never turn away from me)

-I will rejoice in doing them good

This GOD of Jeremiah is the same yesterday, today and forever. Amen

third cycle

Yesterday was the last day for jabs. Yeah, the seven days went by real fast for this third cycle. My tummy looks a mess but it's all covered up. It will take about a week for the redness to go away. My reaction this time was mostly in the evening after 6pm, I did feel nauseous and cannot eat much, low grade fever (according to nurse Ida, it is a good response to have some fever). So for the past few days, I ate more at breakfast, lunchtime and had a little soup at dinnertime. Once I know how my body takes to Vidaza, I can respond appropriately. I also slept much earlier. In a few days, I should revert back to normal condition.

Anyway through the past months, I have been gaining weight...oh dear....good...but not too much.

All these "goodness" is by GOD's grace and strength...we can do all things (and go through all things) through CHRIST who strengthens us.

no icing

M-band showed no change from last reading, so there is no "icing" on the cake. But we can be thankful that it hasn't gone up, bearing in mind that I am not on any maintenance for myeloma.

I have already done 2 days of Vidaza (this is for MDS condition), and am taking it well. I was able to drive there and back - now, that is a major achievement. (Paul had meetings on these days)

By GOD's grace I shall enjoy each day with His strength. I hold firmly to Isaiah 41:10 - He will uphold me with His righteous right hand.

days 06/07/08 Tuscany

We set off to Tuscany which is north of Rome. Paul decided on a small car for the 4 of us as he was told the country roads are narrow and undulating. But we had difficulty fitting 4 suitcases plus hand-carrys into the boot (that means no major shopping is possible....ah...but we still did some and we still manage to stuff everything into the car!).

It was a lovely drive, only about 300 plus km. The countryside is tranquil; such a sharp contrast from the ancientness of Rome. We drove by the vineyards and many vines were heavy with big, juicy black grapes. It is really an incredible feeling - the rolling meadows, the narrow winding roads, passing through little quaint villages on the hills, surrounded by stony, rock walls. We got to our destination before sunset and were able to rest before dinner. This place la Su is an old castle with rooms decorated with period pieces - Napoleonic, antique furniture, old China; it has its own little museum with 2 friendly cats - one kept brushing against my legs after he got familiar with me.

The first room we went in was so "antique-looking" that I got some kind of phobic feeling and I curled under the sheets. My dear friend LM was so quick to let us have their room which looked much cheerier.

day 05 ancient Rome

One advice I would give to anyone visiting Rome, is that you will need the help of a guide. We had the help of II, who drove us around and told us the history of each ancient site. There is so much to see and amazingly they are still well preserved, despite the millions of visitors. With II, we could get an overview of the major sites within 1 day. I guess I will have to go back again and then walk through each one at a slower pace if I want to see them up close.

The Roman Forum of Caesar (This site is huge, we viewed it from a distance, at a higher elevation, that way we could see the whole place, there were many huge columns, arches, some broken, some totally missing. II has a book which shows the original as an artist imagined, the the ruins as it is now)
- The Forum of Trajan and Augustus
- The Piazza Del Campidoglio with its splendid view of the Imperial City
- The Coliseum (This is where the gladiators fight to death with one another or against ferocious animals, all for the viewing pleasure of the Emperor, palace officials and the Roman commoners. The movie, Gladiator would have been shot here or was it on a set?)
- Circus Maximus
- The Appian Way (and the catacombs, the underground burials of the Romans. It is really an incredible, extraordinary network under the earth. I believe some still contain the bones of the dead. The one we visited was cleared for viewing, we could see the wall drawings depicting the person buried, his status and background. I didn't follow the tour as I felt claustrophobic and the air was stale, so we went out earlier. However we went to a small building with exhibits of what were in the catacombs.
- The Antique Walls of Cinta
- The Pantheon

A day is really not enough to fully appreciate the ancient history of Rome but we had a good overview

medical update

Last week, I had my review and we thank the LORD that I am progressing well. I should be going on to the 3rd cycle of Vidaza, first week of November. The immunity level has improved and BMD - bone mineral density - amazingly is back to normal level, for a multiple myeloma patient, this is very good news. We have not receive M-band result, Doctor G is hopeful, said it would be "icing on the cake" if the band is low. He said that I am at VGPR -very good partial response. Clinically, I look very well so it is difficult to understand some of the readings. Ultimately we have to be guided by M-band and bone marrow readings therefore it is necessary to continue with some form of treatment to reach a safe level. I think that is what Doctor G is trying to do. I am very grateful for the watchful care in the way he is managing my condition. Our thanks to you and your continual prayers to uphold us and to our LORD for His grace and favour.

day 04 Vatican, Sistine

(these photos are not of the Sistine chapel...when I get from from SL, I will update here..)

Today, our friends SL and LM arrived. They will join us for the rest of Rome and Italy.

Now we start with all the must-see attractions of ancient Rome. To do this, we needed a guide, it is really not possible to see Rome on our own, there is just too much history and not easy to drive around Rome. We had booked a personal guide; and that way we will be able to stop and rest whenever we need to.

I took some hours in the morning to go to a craft shop to get some yarn. The place I wanted to go to, had close and wonderfully, the lady next door gave us another address. We took a cab there and very quickly I was able to get 20 balls of cotton/viscose yarn. I, not speaking Italian and the salesman not a word of English, we managed to communicate...amazing! He clambered up a ladder to pull out 2 boxes of the colour I wanted. I am so satisfied with my purchase and they were for a pretty good price at 3 euro a ball. Light cotton, just right for Singapore weather. (Ha...I have already started to knit with them).

We met with our guide at the lobby of the hotel and she took us straight to the Vatican museum - we spent the afternoon there. It is a must-see for all visitors to Rome - the Vatican museum, Sistine chapel and St. Peter Basilica. We didn't have to wait long to get in, surprisingly we were told there were not that many people, but to us, it was CROWDED! My impression is that there are just too many things to see - sculptures everywhere, paintings everywhere, tapestries everywhere, mosaic art everywhere - it was just too much - very difficult to appreciate. It is not like some museums, there is great "show" of a small piece history; and a painting or sculpture standing so prominently on its own and all eyes on it. Here, everywhere there is art and masterpieces, and you can't stop and to appreciate every single one. All become so common.

But our guide was very helpful in drawing our attention to some important "must-see" masterpieces.

Yes, the walls and the ceilings of the Sistine Chapel, are indeed majestic and magnificent. But they are just too far away to appreciate and the crowd made it impossible. The ceilings are almost 2-storey high, tried hard but cannot make out the images ...so looking and reading the Rome Travel book is great...

By the time we went into St. Peter Basilica, I was getting tired. I decided to hop out to get some fresh air and sat down to rest. That was a smart move. Stop and rest when my body tells me so, does not matter that I don't see everything. There will always be another day.....thank GOD for strength to do something but not everything!

day 03 Hadrian Villa and Tivoli

Another day outside of Rome. We took a half day tour to visit Emperor Hadrian's Villa, Villa d'Este and Tivoli - they are very close to each other. We would be back in Rome by 1pm.

Hadrian's Villa was built as a private summer retreat and as a vast open-air museum of the finest architecture of the Roman world. The palace ground covers an area of 120 hectares and filled with full-scale reproductions of buildings from Greece and Egypt. There are massive columns and ancient bathhouses, gym and libraries - all showing off the advance literary and culture of those times. It's grand. It's amazing.

Villa d'Este is in Tivoli - it is a cool hill-side town. The Villa occupies an old Benedictine convent, it is now well known for its terraced gardens and fountains (100). From the convent we walked out to the gardens and it was downwards all the way - almost 4 storeys. There were many fountains at the various levels of the terraces - the fountains got bigger and grander as we walked on.

day 02 Garden Borghese

Borghese to be pronounced as bor-jes-si. This villa and park was laid out by Cardinal Scipione Borghese, favourite nephew of Pope Paul V.

This is a most lovely garden and the biggest at the north end of ancient Rome. Our hotel is a few minutes walk from it so we decided to spend the day at the garden and visit the famous Galleria Borghese. I think of all our 12 days in Rome, this day was the best and most enjoyable. We took a leisurely walk through this enchanting garden. Our appointed time for the visit of the Galleria was at 1pm (all visit is best booked in advance through the website, as it is likely tickets will be sold out by the day itself - there is a limit to the number allowed in at each time slot of 2 hours). We had more than enough time to stroll through the garden as we were there at 10 am

There is this statue of poet Byron and under it, an inscription. Was it written by Byron himself or by Childe Harold of Byron, we don't know. But here it is....

"But I have lived, and have not lived in vain;
My mind may lose its force, my blood its fire;
And my frame perish even in conquering pain;
But there is that within me which shall tire,
Torture and time, and breathe when I expire."

This little reflection of man's short life, full of energy and passion; but for all mankind, we must surrender to its end. No one can hold to life forever. Let us learn to live it with open hands, receiving all its blessings with gladness and joy as well as its equal measure of sorrows. And at its end, be ready to meet one's Maker.

For a simple break we stopped by the zoo, the nearest place to the Galleria for a light snack. Just before 1pm, the Galleria was already filled with people. We rented 2 audioguides to help us as we walk through the exhibits. There are 2 floors, the sculpture collection occupies the whole ground floor and the picture gallery is on the upper floor. No photography is allowed, we leave with only memories of the masterpieces. We are very impressed by the marble scupltures which w

are life-like and in excellent condition.

The star sculptures are: Apollo and Daphne by Bernini (the transformation into a tree - the lightness of the leaves), Pauline Borghese by Canova, Rape of Proserpine by Bernini, the sleeping Hermaphrodite and David with his sling (the twist of his body). What a feast for the eyes! Such great artistry!

day 01 at SS and Trevi

day 01 at Spanish Steps and Trevi fountain

We arrived early in the morning and got into Rome by 9.30am and we were very thankful that we were given our room (check in time is actually 2pm) and we could rest. After lunch we took a short walk to the Spanish Steps, a popular tourist sight. Trinita dei Monti - we saw a most impressive sculpture by Danielle de Volterra in the left of this small French chapel with its outstanding twin bell towers that can be seen from the other 6 hills in Rome. Rome as we know was built on 7 hills.
The steps were crowded with many people sitting on it and having a panoramic view of the city. We sat for some minutes and shared a packet of roasted chestnuts that was bought from a roadside stall.
We stopped by Cafe Grecco, a 1760 cafe, favourite meeting place of poets Keats, Byron, composers Liszt, Wagner. We had cappuccino and saw the black and white photos of these famous people hanging on the walls.
Refreshed with potent Italiano coffee, we took a walk to Trevi fountain. But this place was crowded, we could not go near it but its magnificent fountain could be viewed and enjoyed from a distance. Praise the LORD, it is was indeed a glorious piece of art - Neptune flanked by two Tritons - symbolise the contrasting moods of the sea - aggression and docile.
Just these 2 sights for the day.

12 days in Italy

Yes, by GOD's grace, we spent 12 days in Italy. What a special treat! Italy is a beautiful country and Rome has such a grand history. It is really impossible to see all the sights but we managed to experience some of the most distinctive character of this ancient city.

Throughout our time there, I am very conscious of God's grace and loving-kindness. I do not presume I am able to do everything just like everyone. But each morning I awake to receive the day with gratitude because whatever I can do, I rejoice. Most time I am able to spend a few hours in the morning enjoying the sights and by late afternoon I get back to the room to rest. That is really good enough for me. I know that I cannot over-stretch myself.
We had the wonderful company of our dear friends SL and LM.
I shall recount our days and show some photos.

Beautiful tree

This September many trees and bushes are flowering. In our neighbourhood there is a beautiful tree that look so grand and splendid. It reminds me of the cherry blossom of Japan. Each day as we drive pass this tree, we are so awed by its magnificence. But it dropped its flowers daily and around the base we find the road covered with a concentric pink. It is now bereft of this colourful beauty - so momentary and is gone. But this old tree will surely flower again.

We praise the Creator for His handiwork "...how awesome His works in man's behalf!"

An achievement

Finally the product of 6 months of hard work at knitting. I am really very pleased with the outcome. I started on my sweater in April and Paul's in June. In between I did a couple of smaller knits - dolls and berets. The time I needed to stay home and rest was mostly spent on knitting. I hope it has not become an addiction because I must have time for activities. Sitting down too long at one position is not good for the back...says the physiotherapist.

It was really hard work because of the "cable" and cable work cannot have mistakes, else the pattern will look weird. Mistakes had to be painstakingly unravelled and re-knitted, after many of such errors, I managed to figure out how to short-cut the corrections. The earlier I find the mistake, the easier and quicker to put it right. Mistakes such as dropped stitch, purl when it should be knit, cable right when it should be left etc. I learn much along the way and the book "ultimate knitting bible" a Christmas gift from G and A, came in very handy. Knitting pieces like this, is a slow process, I may do 8 to 10 rows a day. Therefore as I finish each side or each sleeve, I was happy and finally to put them together and eventually it became wearable, I was ecstatic. Someone says that our life is a tapestry, when the work is small, you can't really appreciate it but really, each piece of work is painstakingly done by the Master. We are very precious in GOD's sight.

To break from the monotony of knitting the sweaters, I stopped now and then to do something "fun" - the dolls. One of it was given to the grand-daughter of a good friend for her 3rd birthday and the other for Ashley, her birthday is coming up in October (keep it a secret). I hope she will like it.

Most of all I am just so thankful to my sister for teaching me how to knit and I know she will be very proud of what I have done.

Good progress

Yesterday was my review with Dr. Teoh. He is happy with my result - RBC is good, WBC is at the low of normal range and he wants to see it go up, the others seems to be where they should be. Compared to cycle 1, my recovery this time is better. We did not check for MM band and should not let it distract us. No medication until I see him next month, then I will get a complete check - depending on the level, I may or may not have to do bone marrow aspirate, may or may not go on to Vidaza cycle 3 and will get infusion of Zometa. In the meantime I am free from all medication! (except for calcium and vit B supplements) Thank you to our LORD. This is special grace from Him.
I was slightly tired the last week and obediently stayed away from crowds but I shall return to church this Sunday. I have been able to attend small group bible study on Tuesdays and I have been going for physiotherapy on my back. I should be able to go biking again.
Finally I shall reveal the outcome of what I have been doing since April when I started on this new regime. Wait till the next blog... I am getting the photos to post....

Big Bird and Snoozer

Yes, I am all done with Vidaza and if the response is good, I may not have to get cycle 3 at all. Let's trust and commit it to the LORD. I will go back for test on 7th Sept. Though last week was quite uncomfortable, I seem quite fine now but will keep watchful for next 10 days, the tiredness may set in.

I have to say that my appetite is coming back... I had the most wonderful chicken rice at Big Bird (Balmoral). The rice and chilli is superlicious but chicken was rather fat (avoid the skin etc). When we called Russ to tell him that we were bringing it back for him... it triggerred his memory of the potently hot capsicum. Friend J said that her husband who just started chemo, is losing his taste, food is becoming bland.... let's persevere, by GOD's grace the taste buds will return. I pray too for brother-in-law Benno now that chemo and radiotherapy have ended, his body to start to recover and be strong and for him to be able to eat and swallow again.

Yesterday and this morning we did a bit of cycling just to check if I still have the energy as before.... not too bad... now we can call our friends again. See the photo (to be attached) of Paul carrying our King Charles. We ordered a pet carrrier from Snoozer and it just came in. Looks like Snook likes biking too! It will be really wonderful to bring S with us. When we were walking we could take him but when we started to cycle, we could not. But now he can join us ...sometimes...Paul said he was heavy! Anyway there is restrain within the carrier so he cannot fall out.

1 day more

I have done 6 days of V jabs and one more day to go!
I must admit that this cycle has not been smooth going. I had low grade fever for most days with slight headache. Really poor appetite by end of day...ok with breakfast and lunch but cannot eat much for dinner. The nauseous feeling and smell of food quite disconcerting but it is not that bad because I have just 1 more day and all these minor irritants should go away in due course hopefully by end of this week.
I told Paul that even if he dangled a crab it front of me, my eyes wouldn't sparkle....

The tummy has been rather sore with all the jab marks, this time seems more reactive.
It could be that after 3 months of rest and no medication, my body has forgotten the discomfort and therefore now reacts even more. But as I say, it's only 1 more day of jabs.

Vidaza 2nd cycle

Dr Gerrard Teoh has given the green light to start Vidaza 2nd cycle. He is very happy with the blood test result showing that my immunity level has improved - the wbc is at 5.7 (from 3.7) - back to normal range. The IGs have also improved. He thinks that a second cycle is necessary and would be sufficient.
Although I am mentally prepared to start Vidaza o2 next week, I am mindful that we must continue to depend on the LORD every step of the way. Like chemo, these biologic drugs can cause adverse reaction eventhough I had used it before...like the one I had with the infusion of immunoglobulin. So let us commit everything to the LORD and seek His protection.
From tuesday, I will receive the 4 V jabs daily for 7 consecutive days. After the 7th day, the blood count may drop for the next 10 days to 3 weeks - this period I shall again stay reclusive but I think going out to the parks is permissible and is good. So...if you do not see me around, don't worry....I shall appear in due course....by GOD's grace!

[I can't tell you about M-band, haven't got the latest reading...but let's not let it "bug" me...just concentrate on Vidaza]

happy bikers

Back to biking with my comrades-in-exercise. We are coming along real fine. Paul said we did 13km from carpark 7 of Changi Beach Park all the way to Changi Point and back and a third of the stretch of Changi Coastal Road. There are 6 rest huts along the Coastal Road, we cycled to the second one. Not bad, I am not sure if I can do all six. Except for S and I, the rest have cycled the entire stretch from the National Sailing Centre to Changi Point- that is 30km return!

For me, I will go slow.

super Hugger

wow, what a super-Hugger.

Russ' long, splindly arms could have wrapped around me two times over! @white sandy beach of terengganu

See the coconut tree that pierced through the roof of hut at the background.

family@terengganu

the boys went with us to terengganu but melissa could not, not with young thaddaeus in the atr-72 turboprop. it was good to have some concentrated time with the boys before they start their uni terms in mid august - gerald has six months to go in economics with smu and russell looking forward to start four years with school of arts and design at ntu.

our days were spent on the light-orangish beach with mildly strong waves, paul and the boys quite like to be in the waters and jumping the waves. i went in only once (wonderful - first time in many years) paul remarked it has been years since we were last on the beach with our family. we like such nature times like walking, hiking and beaching - interacting with your grown children in such settings is very different from talking with them over dinner table.

at meal time - paul took the opportunity to encourage them to speak a lesson from scripture - each of them had to make a sharing of 15 minutes - paul started with the first morning on ephesian 1 - that we glorify GOD when we live out our lives to His praise and His glory. gerald took the second day - from 2 chronicles 30 where hezekiah interceded for his people who were not purified and yet ate the passover - "may the LORD who is good pardon everyone who sets his heart on seeking GOD even if he is not clean according to the rules of the sanctuary" - GOD accepts the intercession of those whose hearts are right with Him. adele took the third day - from acts - the trial of paul before king agrippa - to recount how perfect GOD's plan is and how that truly serves the purpose of His will - noone can thwart His plans. russell who was to share on the last day, missed his opportunity "gleefully" (we shall hound him back here).

praise the LORD! - we all went to the tennis court and i could pick up the racket and stroked a few times with the boys! i think that all the cycling has improved my stamina just that little bit more - i cannot run around but i certainly can swing the racket from one spot - surely and steadily, over time, i can move a little bit more.

praise the LORD again! - paul and i climbed up jara hill - we didn't know it was hilly like the bukit timah forested area. mistakenly, i had told paul it was a walk in the garden around the resort, so we booked our intent with the reception. but when we met with the guide at the base of the hill, we looked at the entrance of the forest and were a bit hesitant. the guide said it is not a difficult climb, steep only at the start. if paul had said, no, we would have backed out but puzzlingly for me, he didn't! maybe it was because there was only 2 of us and he did not want to disappoint the guide. well, i completed the walk through the forest terrain - up to the highest look-out point where a pair of eagles supposedly have their nest. remarkable... later back in our room, paul took another look at the brochure that described the activities... this walk up jara hill was texted as an "arduous" 45 minute climb!

all in all it was a profitable and beneficial time for the family.

B-I-L

There are now 3 persons I know who are battling cancer. One is my dearest brother-in-law, Benno who was just diagnosed with gullet cancer (he had his stomach removed last year). After several weeks of radiotheraphy and chemo, he was hospitalised with high fever. Eating food is with much difficulty, everything has to go down the gullet which is being radiated. Mostly, his nutrition is in the form of liquids or pureed food. Even swallowing liquid can be painful. He takes one hour to consume his meal - a 200ml liquid and has to take 6 small meals a day. Most of his waking hours are now spent on food consumption. Eating has become a chore, not so pleasant and delightful anymore. We, on the other hand, take for granted our ability to eat. As we say our grace, we truly must thank GOD - when we can chew and swallow, we can taste the sweetness and sourness.

I woke up too early this morning and my mind went to these 3 - how should I pray for them - the other two friends are on 24-hour pain medication, their physical bodies are not functioning and in constant pain. One not on treatment (too many already and no more for now) but has to bear with pain and the other has to start treatment soon. I tried to recall how I felt in my early years with MM and what kind of words would comfort me. Those times when I could only lie in bed and in the quiet of the dark night, what went through my mind? Are they now lying in bed, awake and not able to sleep, are they in pain, those pain that would not go away even when medicated? In times like these we can only call on the grace of our LORD. I truly believe in "little miracles" - when sleep just wouldn't come, when pain refuse to go away, when breathing becomes arduous - we call on the name of Jesus to rescue us and yes, the miracle can happen.

What did I need at those times? What will my friends and B need? I needed the LORD to strengthen my heart (Psalm73:26). My heart is the seat of my emotions - feelings of fear, sadness, insecurity, anxiety, despondency, frustration. There were many such moments. But when the LORD strenghtens my heart, I truly experience peace and even joy, and as I shared several times before, a state of blessedness. This is what I must pray for my friends and B, that they may experience these "little miracles" when the LORD gives them peaceful sleep; when He gives them moments free of pain and when they wake up rejoicing with praise on their lips. My words would be so inadequate to comfort them. But there is power in the miraculous strengthening from our compassionate GOD - "my flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"

My brother-in-law is such a kind and happy-at-heart sort of person and he can talk for hours on many topics. He loves to garden and very good with his hand - he constructed the shower compartment in his bathroom, dug his own pond, renewed his garden with a Japanese-theme. I remember our holidays years ago when (little) Gerald and Russell would tumbled over him on the grassy slopes and Melissa would ride with him on his bike. He had so much to talk to them and taught them how to appreciate the smell of manure in the farm (to love nature and recognise its beauty). I thank GOD for these memories and hope the LORD would grant us some more years together - I would like Thaddaeus to get to know his granduncle.

inner beauty

How many times have I read this passage from 1 Peter 3:1-7?
Many, and each time, the teaching refreshes and rejuvenates me in my role as a wife. This passage about woman's beauty as taught in the Bible receives different and varied responses and reactions, even among Christians. The part that "trips" many, is on the aspect of submission.

The passage teaches - submission, purity, reverential posture, qentle and quiet nature. My view on this seemingly difficult attribute is that as wives, our submission to our husbands does not equate us to be "door-mats" to be walked over but rather it is a sincere and respectful honouring of our husbands as the head of our households. And such a reverential posture will promote harmony and peace in marital relationship, where there will be less strifes and quarrels, conflicts and arguments. It does not mean the wife's views are not heard, regarded and respected. The husbands are to be considerate towards their wives' feelings, views, insights etc. The wife's submission becomes a natural response to the husband's obedience to the Bible's teaching of loving her in the same way as he loves himself and treating her with much consideration and respect. This kind of true submission wells up sincerely and naturally when it is nurtured with genuine and selfless love. Strictly, the Bible teaches that this attitude of submission is required of wives regardless whether it is deserved or not by husbands who may or may not be as loving and considerate.

This time, the phrase that "jumps out" when I read this passage is from verse 7 - it is beautiful!
"heirs with you of the gracious gift of life" (NIV)
"Heirs" means equal status, share in the same inheritance, deserves and is entitled to. Therefore there is no truth to infer that the Bible treats women as inferior to men when it teaches submission. The teaching must be read in whole.
Actually (NIV) has described it very beautifully -husbands and wives are joint heirs in living out this life together under the supreme and bountiful grace of our LORD GOD. The gift of life itself is by GOD's grace and to be able to live it out in an imperfect, fallen world full of impediments, we truly need the grace of GOD.

Wives, we are heirs with our husbands in the gracious gift of life. Life itself is an inheritance, let's live with great joy and gratitude.

The passage can be found from this link -
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Peter%203:1-7&version=31

Even as I reflect on the above, I think of women whom I observed to have such desirable attributes and I am glad that there are many whom I personally know. What really appeals to me is their "qentle and quiet" nature. I praise GOD that they are role models for me to emulate.
(an elderly missionary wife - who walks her talk in every way; the mother-in-law of my cousin whose reverential posture is seen even in her dressing; my dear friend - young but yet so wise, another dear friend who brought me lots of organic fruits and yet another who is Mrs. Hospitality and many others). May the LORD bless them all.

"Be always listen to your body..."

"Be always listen to your body..." this is what my dear sister tells me after reading about my cycling 8km. She is almost a true blue Dutch, having lived there for over 25 years and her English is a literal translation from Dutch! Yes, I must listen to my body and not over exert. All my friends out there, don't worry...lah. Paul is very watchful; M and W (cycling buddies) are very alert to my physical condition and well-being. It is incredible - GOD has surrounded me with many caring and loving family and friends.

Thinking about her, I am reminded of what I just learnt at the last bible study on Abigail, my sister is very like A, resourceful and full of initiative. I really have to share the main pointers about Abigail. This is one way to crystallise and retain my learning - that is to recount and repeat what I learn. With this blog I don't have to repeat it ten times to ten friends, write it one time and the reach is to many, what a wonderful way to share!

Abigail:
*she is sincere and humble and willing to take the blame in order to placate D's anger
*she recognised that GOD is sovereign
*she is smart and eloquent and unafraid to act
*she is courageous, diplomatic and persuasive
*she is a peacemaker
*she is sensible and calm in the midst of a crisis
*she used her knowledge of GOD with godly wisdom
*she is able to turn something adverse into something favourable
*she majored in the majors and ignored the minors
*her good sense earned her the right to be heard
[one BS lady shared about what she learnt from her pastor's Sunday message of "hindsight, insight and foresight' and the lesson of Abigail seems to show her to be someone with such qualities]

The main take-aways are:
*have the ability to remain effective and fruitful and make good out of the worst of life's situation
*use wisely and sensibly in a God-honoring way, what we already have to maximum advantage to bless ourselves and to bless others
*there is always limitations and hindrances to us living as well as we should, as life is so imperfect, do we gripe and complain or do we press on with courage and good sense
[thanks and credits to our BS teacher HLC]

The passage on Abigail and Nabal is found in 1 Samuel 25:1-42
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1Samuel25:1-42&version=31

Well and Good

I have been well and going about my days as normal as I can, by GOD's marvellous grace. Since the last visit to the doctor, he has given me another month free from medication and treatment. It has done me good, without medication I feel better and stronger. I haven't been checking on the M-band, and I try not to think about where it is right now. There are many MM patients who are living "normally" with M bands. Best to just live each day fully, joyfully and gratefully. Do what is within one's ability. If the doctor is not worried neither should I. The next review is first week of August.

In the meantime I have been cycling and gone for clinical Pilates - all to stretch and strengthen my muscles. The physiotherapist is loosening up my tight joints and muscles; and teaching me exercises that will straighten my back.

I have resumed weekly bible study which has been a tremendous encouragement to me. I had to skipped one week due to a "bad" tummy but the BS teacher has been very kind and gracious despite my intermittent attendance.

Look at our cycling group with our bikes hanging on the post while we stopped to have a simple breakfast together. It is really wonderful to spur one another to regular exercises. Without mutual encouragement it is very easy to slack. I probably would cycle a lesser distance and likely to stop more often if there aren't others to work out with me. Now I can do about 8km return.

To GOD be the glory, great things He has done in each of our lives.

A Heart of Thanksgiving

I just finished listening and watching the testimony of Christopher Yuen. A couple of points he made that truly echoes how I feel and I want to reiterate them here and elaborate on my reflections.

foster a heart of thanksgiving - whether we are on the highest mountaintop or the the deepest of dark valley, we need to foster a heart of thanksgiving, for we have a good and loving GOD.

our days are numbered - whether you have good health or suffering a terminal illness, for every single one of us, our days are numbered, just that for a person with ill health, one is more conscious that life's end is near. (Chris Y is HIV positive) For a healthy person that consciousness is not so great and the disadvantage is that one may not live life to its full (purposefully and abundantly).

tomorrow has never been promised to anyone - GOD does not owe us anything (yet He so generously gives us many things).

(HIV) has given (CY) a lesson on GOD's sovereignity - we either be submerged in sorrow and sadness or rise up to discover and appreciate (and be privileged) to personally experience and understand GOD's sovereignity. We should just bow down in deep gratitude as we receive His bountiful grace and dwell in this glorious sense of blessedness. (for this special personal touch from the LORD)

(you can view Chris Y's testimony here http://christopheryuanvideo.blogspot.com/ )

majestic Malacca

Yes, Paul and I just spent a couple of days in Malacca. It is so unsafe to go into any airport nowadays and best to stay away from air travellers for the time being. So a driving holiday is just right for us. Peninsular Malaysia is beautiful. North South Highway is very easy to drive...don't rush ...just drive leisurely and enjoy the green scenery.

We drove up to Malacca on Sunday afternoon, it was a pleasant 3 hours drive from the Tuas. We had our friends SL and LM who drove up with us; and M and W joined the next day. The weather was wonderfully overcast and even with a little drizzle at later part of the afternoon. At Pagoh rest stop, we had a delightful interlude with our favourite fruit...yes...durian. I am so glad that SL decided to try out Ah Oon's "101". We shared just 2 but excellent spikes. We balanced it off with some mangosteen.

With LM as our navigator we arrived at Majestic Hotel within half hour from the Ayer Keroh toll exit. After 45 minutes rest and freshening up, we took a slow walk into the heritage townside of Malacca, along the 5 foot way and some parts on the narrow street itself - Jalan Bunga Raya, across the old bridge to Jalan Hang Jebat to Hereen Street (now known as Jln Tun Tan Cheng Lock). It took us more than 15 minutes to locate Nancy, a Peranakan restaurant, highly recommended for its home cooked food. Of course we had ayam buah keluak, babi pong teh, itek tim, ladies finger, long-forgotten dish of nangka lemak and chengdol for dessert. Paul and I went back earlier for the night whilst SL and LM stayed on to wander around the pasar malam at Jonker Street.

The next day, M and W came at around lunch time. We had already spent an hour at the Admiral Cheng Ho's museum, really worth the time despite the rather unimpressive entrance (a must-see). We had lunch at the most famous, nameless chicken rice ball stall of Malacca (corner of Hang Jebat and Jonker, opposite old OCBC). In the afternoon, we headed for the now infamous Baba Nonya museum of the serial Little Nonya. It is the home of the Chan family (3 houses interconnected) - very well preserved with exquisite Peranakan furnishing. Another must-see of Malacca town. We went back for an hour rest before it was meal time again. For dinner we went in search of Auntie Lee (another highly recommended Peranakan restaurant. This place is quite some drive to the edge of town - Ujong Pasir. Though M's GPS could not locate the place, we eventually got there...BUT...our phone booking was not accepted...huh...why...because...you must place your order for food by phone otherwise they would not consider it a confirmed table reservation. However with much persuasion (W was superb) we managed to secure a table but must finish eating within the hour (later, the pressure was off as other diners finished earlier and their tables were freed up for confirmed patrons). And yes, the food was very good. there are only 6 tables in this small restaurant. Even after a full dinner, our insatiable tummies could resist not tucking into some yu char kueh and hum cheen peng at a coffe shop next to the hotel.

I did not know that in Malacca one can find true authentic Teochew cuisine. This little shophouse is to be found at the corner of Jalan Hang Kasturi and Tukang Besi. The elderly Teochew chef proudly led us to select from his counter of fresh vegetable and seafood. Soon he brought out noodle in dark sauce (W called it "as dark as engine oil"), steamed pomfret (sitting in its own sweetness), braised sea cucumber (solely good on its own), slabs of the soft-ess bitter gourd on stewed lean pork and finally the smoothest orh nee with generous helpings of pumpkin and gingko. At this restaurant, the elderly Teochew gentleman would refuse to let you over-order and would beam with pride when every morsel of food is eaten.

What an unforgettable experience of cultural heritage from this little town with so much history and to taste such "bona fide" food!

Nancy's Kitchen at 7, Jalan Hang Lekir. Tel 06-2836099
Teo Soon Loong Chan Teochew Seafood Restaurant at 55, Jln Hang Kasturi. Tel 06-2822353

Aunty Lee at 385, Jln Ujong Pasir. Tel 06-2831009

PS. The above information for GSK and any friend planning to make a trip to Malacca

1 more month

Just saw the doctor yesterday and he has given me 1 more month to rest - reason being that the WBC is still low and it has to get back to normal range or higher before I can start with cycle 2 of Vidaza. He is obviously confident that I do not need to "rush" through the treatment and I can wait for another month. (We need to pray for the WBC to go up, it is at 2.44, normal is 4).

For me this is good news since I feel alot better without medication/treatment, my body gets stronger and I do not feel so tired and I can do more in a day, and my mind is more active.

I have been enjoying cycling at the East Coast Park and hope to try other routes. I am very conscious that I cannot afford to fall and am really careful to do it safely (don't worry, Paul is really very vigilant and without his permission, I won't do it). Cycling in the early morning - it's wonderful to feel the cool breeze in my face and take in the sights - the greenery of the trees and the shrubs, the beautiful multicoloured bougainvella, the shimmering blue sea etc. We are so blessed to be able to enjoy and experience GOD's creation.

I am learning all the time - that GOD shows His grace to each of us in different ways and according to our needs. I may not have the blessing of "perfect" health but GOD grants sufficient grace to me, enough for me to be thankful and experience a feeling of blessedness.
Remember to bless one another in this way - as Apostle Paul do all time as he ends each of his letters. "The grace of the LORD Jesus Christ be with your spirit." It is truly wonderful to experience GOD's grace! Amen

Thankfully, well

It has been 5 weeks since I started on the new treatment with Vidaza. Thankfully, I am well. Let me update you on my status, you must be anxious to know, especially friends who are not here. For 3 Sundays, I stayed home, as the tiredness did come on around weeks 2 and 3.
By the end of week 5, I felt a whole lot better and the muscle aches at back and front of ribs has eased off and I think, this is because I am off Revlimid (daily oral med.) which I took for 3 weeks. The blood test done showed some improvement and we are still waiting for some to go back up to normal. I have 1 more week to rest and recover and then do another blood on 2 June to assess when to start cycle 2.

This treatment with Vidaza may seem rather long drawn and stretches over many weeks and months, so it will not be a quick fix and be done with fast. But Dr. Teoh promised to give me a balance of "good" weeks to rest in between the treatments . Week 5 was good and the start of week 6 has been better. I already feel quite energetic - I have gone back to walk in the parks and last 2 days, I even went cycling !!! (with 2 very dear friends - my friends really come around when I need them) Yeah!! I am looking foward to picking up my tennis racket!!! Is it possible? Yes!!! I am sure you are very happy for me.


When I can get back to do such normal activities in the "good" weeks, it isn't that bad when I have to slow down during weeks after the Vidaza jabs. There is something to look forward to. I am deeply thankful to our LORD for strengthening me. GOD answers our prayers.

Continue to pray that the Vidaza will help the bone marrow to produce normal cells and reduce the dysplasia (MDS) and the myeloma (M-band) stay low so that I would not have to go on Revlimid or Velcade or Dex during this time (multiple medications at the same time is rather hard for the body to take). Pray for protection against infection because I am still immune compromised.

Paul writes: I am simply delighted these two weeks as Li Leng really feels better and was more active throughout the day. When she is well, she prods me on church ministry matters and we get some work done after some discussion. Thanks so much for upholding us in your prayers. We are indeed grateful.

Hooray !

Yeah... I have completed the 1st cycle...all 7 days. Monday was the last day for me. It was an extra long day with most time taken up by the infusion of immunoglobulin. Dr. T took extra precaution this time and I was in the day ward till 3pm. I was drowsy because of the med and continued to be sleepy even when I got home. But by the next day I was back to normal.
Last week, the daily jabs took no more than half an hour at the clinic and I was home by early morning. I must admit that it was not entirely "painless". The injection sites do turn red - size of 20ct/50ct coin and they feel sensitive... so my tummy is covered with red polka dots..boo hoo... it will take some days to clear. But I am really very thankful that I took all the jabs well without much distress because nurse Sarah told me of another older patient who is very lean and it was very hard for her to lift up the skin and fat to inject and she bruised easily. This patient is weak and doesn't have a good appetite. For me, I am feeling strong and I have a fantastic appetite and hungry most time and I eat very well. So. I have alot to be thankful for.
Yes, we praise the LORD for sustaining me every day and protecting me in ways I don't even know (Paul always tell me this)

The next two weeks I will be "resting" as the blood count is expected to drop (before it goes back up again). I will be homebound. Anyway with the swine flu situation, it is best not to be out in the crowd even if you are healthy....
I have enough yarn to keep me occupied and I am most happy knitting....
Keep cheerful!

Vidaza 1st cycle 1st day

I really ought to let you know that the 1st day of the 1st cycle went OK. It wasn't as horrible as I thought. Nurse Sarah prepared me for the 4 jabs on my "fat" tummy. It wasn't painful at all! I guess it must be the "fat", if I had been lean, it may be painful. Ha, ha, for once I am so, so thankful for my fat tummy. Actually it is very much like what diabetics have to do everyday when they give themselves insulin jabs. So, what is there to complain, if a diabetic has to bear with jabs daily, this is no big deal, lah.
Do not be unduly worried for me.... I can take it...
Of course, I know the BIG question is how I will respond to the drug injected into me...for that we will trust the LORD...
After the 1st day, it is too early to tell but I will persevere on; with your prayers, I will be able to bear with all things.
If I don't come on the blog....don't worry...I am alright. I will post whenever there is something to update. Keep cheerful.
[I will be busy knitting]

MDS - what is this?

A string of acronyms - MRI, BMA, MM and now MDS.

Myelodyplastic syndrome simply means the blood and plasma cells in the bone marrow are not normal. The BMA (bone marrow aspirate) has confirmed MDS. Since last year Dr.T was insistent that MDS was present from his microscopic investigation but the SGH (Singapore General H) did not. But this time round the SGH laboratory FISH probe confirms it.
So, I have both MM and MDS.

What is the state of MM (multiple myeloma)? After the recent round of 5months targetted treatment - I am at VGPR - Very Good Partial Response with M band at 5. How confident we are that it stays around this level, we don't know. Despite the full regiment and Mband has been fluctuating, most time creeping upwards. Dr. T believes that the underlying problem could be MDS. MDS could be standing in the way of treatment for MM. He wants me to start treatment for MDS. Untreated MDS may evolve into leukaemia (AML) in 5 to 7 years time. And he is hopeful that if MDS is controlled, it may help with the on-going management of MM. With the treatment he proposes, there is a 75% positive response. My blood count status at present is actually quite good and therefore I should be able to cope with the treatment.

The treatment with Vidaza will start on Monday 20 April - daily injections for 7 days and rest for 2 to 3 weeks. Full treatment may mean 6 to 8 cycles. OK, now the horror factor - there will be 4 injections each time, into the tummy subcutaneous fat, consecutively for 7 days. Arrrrgh!!!! Total 28 jabs!!! Arrrgh!!! Granted, I have a thick layer of tummy fat (thank GOD for my fat tummy)...but just imagine the number of pricks!!!!

The 1 to 2 weeks after the jabs, if I respond, it means that my blood count will drop and that is the time when I am prone to infection therefore I have to avoid crowd and be homebound. If I respond positively, the count should improve before I can go on to the next cycle of injections. This means that with this treatment my social activities have to be reduced. (Paul will be so watchful over every cough and sniffle around me... I will just have to stay away for awhile... still can go out to open parks etc...lah...I will not be in isolation...can meet one or two friends... )

I have a fews days to get out and do what I like - heh, heh. I am going to buy another batch of yarn to knit (be staying home more) and I am going for a crab fix...mmm. Black pepper crab...chilly crab....butter crab....mmm

Tired and weary..of course.. physically and mentally I am weary. It has been 2 years now..in and out of hospital visits etc etc. Isaiah 40:30,31 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
I am no youth, so I legitimately can be tired. But this Scripture verse tells me that if I hope in the LORD, I can renew my strength, I can soar on wings like the eagles, I can "run" and still not be weary...yes, I can go on with the strength from the LORD. I can. I can.

My friends, pray for me to continue my hope in the LORD and to lean on the LORD for strength. "in quietness and trust is my strength"

no favoritism

No favoritism! This proud grandpa is handling baby Thaddaeus very well plus our grandpup too. You can see that Snookie is not happy to be left out from all the excitement around the baby. From the first day Thaddaeus was brought home, Snook was very excited with this new "creature" and kept trying to get a closer look. By now, after weeks, he is more settled, he knows he has not been neglected.

BMA - bone marrow aspirate

Yesterday I had the BMA done. Let me tell you how it went.
Paul and I arrived at Gleneagles Hospital at 8.50am and we went straight to 7th floor, Day ward. nurse Sarah from Dr. T's clinic was already there waiting for us. We registered at admission and by 9am I was in the blue hospital gown. The Ward sister and 2 nurses recognised me (I was a regular in 2007!) and they were happy to see that I look well!
A doctor came in to insert the cannula and drew blood for MM tests. He was good, got everything done in one go. Of course I looked the other way, out the window at the bright morning sky. Paul too had enough of frequently seeing me having cannula inserted and blood taking, he stood at a corner. I am sure his heart ached many times when insertion into veins were not successful. But really these are minor inconveniences.
Dr. T turned up with Sarah and other nurse. He checked on which hip to do and was all ready with the equipment. Obviously I don't care to look at the size of the needle. He said this time he will do a local anaesthesia at the site. I could feel the needle going in and then it moved further deeper and deeper. Oh...I could feel all that. Cannot imagine what it would be like if one is awake and alert when the larger needle for bone marrow is inserted. Once done with the local anaesthesia, he instructed Sarah to sedate me intravenously. Ah...that when I floated into deep sleep! Soon I woke and the whole procedure was completed. I could see the clock on the wall and it looked like everything was done in 15 minutes! I was quite cheerful as I did not feel anything and thanked the doctor and nurse. I think I was at bit hype up... could be the effect of the drug used. Ha ha... I rested and actually dozed off when Paul went off to settle the bill and got some yong tau foo from the hospital food court. I managed to eat and drink almost all...good appetite..it was already noon. We came without breakfast, as I had to fast from the night before. Paul only had coffee and 2 slices of egg sandwich, most time, he is always looking after my needs and not care much for himself. We left the hospital at 12.30pm and was home in time for a meal of plain porridge. Plain porridge can equate to blissful contentment for me.....

I am thankful that the procedure for BMA went well. This morning I am still resting in bed, feel a bit tired but not worse off.

MRI result

Praise the LORD, the MRI result is good. There is no new intensity. The spinal column has not changed much from the MRI done end of 2007. Two intensities at the neck and spinal regions were treated with radiotherapy in 2007 and these are still visible but have not increased in dimension. Therefore no further treatment will be required this time round. I am so happy for this. As I still have muscular aches at my back and rib cage, we intend to have an orthopaedic surgeon look at the MRI and see if any recommendation can be made to reduce the aches and inflammation - which could be caused by the drugs or could be mechanical due to the multiple compressions and degeneration seen at the spinal column. These aches make me feel easily tired and exhausted, hopefully if something can be done to control it (that is without consuming more pain medication) my sense of well-being can be improved.
This is my rest week, no Revlimid, no Velcade, except one dose of Dexa - I do feel somewhat better, less dense in the head and hearing, dryness in the eyes and mouth are mediated with eyedrops and lots of drinking water. Definitely I am very thankful to the LORD and all your prayers as the side effects this time round are very minimal.
This coming Monday, I shall have a bone marrow aspiration. Again we commit the entire procedure to our LORD as He guides the hands of Dr T.
Our trust is in the LORD, Maker of Heaven and Earth. Amen.