passing on

Last week my 85 year father-in-law passed on after 5 days in ICU. He had collapsed, possibly due to a heart event. The paramedics found him without pulse and bp but when he was brought to the A&E, the doctors managed to resuscitate him. However he did not regain consciousness during the 5 days, his brain was damaged due to the lack of oxygen for the 40 minutes it took to bring him to the hospital.

We were very grateful for the many friends and relatives who came to pay their respect. Someone said you know who are your friends, they show up at your funeral. And we are touched by the many friends whom we have not seen for some years, they came to comfort our grief and spoke words of encouragement to us.

At the crematorium both Paul and his brother (there are only two of them in the family) shared memories of their father.

Paul spoke of two things he remembered. He was a man of few words, like most Asian fathers, he was not demonstrative in his affection. He was a man of actions. He showed his love as a good provider. He was a hardworking man. He gave his utmost in doing and completing his work well. Brother-in-law Moon, said that his father was very disciplined especially after being cured of cancer of the bladder at 37, with eating healthy and exercising regularly. Being a simple and frugal man, he set up his own exercise regimen with a punching bag in his backyard. He avoided the salty Cantonese diet.

Later on, Uncle Kai Poh reminded Paul, that his father was also a courageous man, who stood up for what he believed and would not hesitate to speak up (i.e. to his boss) for what is right.

Physically he was strongly built and he kept himself mentally healthy by reading the weekly Times magazine. Frequently he would remind Paul to bring the old issues (he saw no reason why he should subscribe when he could get it from us, some weeks later).

He love to cycle to the shops or the market, though we warned him of the dangers cyclists face along the roads and even more so when you are old. It was only just a year ago that he was strongly persuaded to give up his 2500cc motorbike.

As we reminisced of this man, he had many praiseworthy qualities and we will miss him. We each have our journey on earth, one life to live, what memories would we leave, what impact to lives of people we meet along the way.